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Why Is My Son And His Girlfreind Doing This to Me

can anyone help me to try and understand whats happened it tearing me apart me and my son have always got on we are like best mates ive looked after him well always done my best for him hes never wanted for a thing then 16 months ago he met his girlfreind she lives 35 miles away from us so he started going there at weekends he had always worked within 4 weeks hed left his job and moved in with her and her family i thought thats what he wants to do he was 21 so i had to go along with it and he seemed so happy then i found out she was haveing a baby i was over the moon has they was too hes my only child so haveing been told i was going to be a grandmother was great well like us mothers do i bought almost everything they needed and more when she was born i was so happy so proud .she was in hospital for the frist 6 days so i went up everyday . then the baby was allowed home on the saturday so i said i wouldnt go up for a couple of days has they live with her parents and family give them chance to settle in which they where pleased about but i rang them to make sure they were ok and if they needed anything anyway that was on the sat and sunday then i went up on the monday took my son out to buy them more things bought my son and his girlfreind presents aswell everything seemed fine and i was just so happy for them i rang for the next few days then on the thursday i rang at 12 oclock and my son spoke to me has if i was crap i was so upset its not like him then i was to go the next day but was told they had things to do then it was everytime i asked to go and visit it got to 5 weeks and they still made excuses but i didnt say anything just went along with it even though i knew it wasnt right then i asked my son what the problem was why wasnt they letting me see her and he told me his girlfreind said there was no time for me has he works mon/friday 8till5 and the weekends were for her and the baby and if i go and see them ill be takeing time up when she says thats her time i cant belive what has gone on her family live with her so there involed all the time shes 5 months old now and my son hasnt even been intouch with me since she was 10 weeks old ive sent letters and text messages and i get nothing back they have broken my hart im not a bad person i have a lovely home lovely husband and a brillant family who are also very hurt by this i spoke with her sister and she says that its unfair what they have done to me but also says her sister knew all this was gonna happen even before the baby was born her sister also said they used me to buy everything im dreading xmas has my son has always been here some nights i cant even sleep has im that upset anyboby else gone through this
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First Helper jinnymc
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replied November 28th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I am so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine you must be heartbroken. I believe that in time he will learn as this woman doesn't sound right. I wish you the best.
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replied November 28th, 2007
Supporter
I'm so sorry you are going through this..I have a similar situation though...but

I'm the girl with the baby and it's my boyfriends mother that is going through a lot. He left his family last October to move here to go to school, 500 miles from his parents, and we met. I got pregnant and now our son is 3 months old. I'm 18 and my bf is 21, we live with my mother.

His mom blames it all on me, which isn't true. I encourage my boyfriend to call his parents, and he doesn't. We won't be able to see them on Christmas because he only has one day off and that's my fault.

My biggest problem is she is in our business way to much about everything. She doesn't know how to back off. I've met her twice and she has treated me poorly each time.

Anways enough about me, my advice to you...

Back off a little bit, I hope that doesn't sound to harsh but it's true. They do need their family time, that is understandable. Txt or call your son and let him know you love and miss him. He will figure it out after awhile, that he is hurting you badly.

Again I'm so sorry, he will come around...
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replied November 29th, 2007
Thank You
hi and thank you for your reply i hope my son does come round and his girl ive never interfeared with them ive always been nice to his girl aswell its my sons girlfreind so i had to be taken her for meals bought her presents but most of all ive been nice to her just wish i could do something has im so upset
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replied November 29th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
That is so sad. I am sorry that you are oing through this. Can you just write a letter laying it all out for them? "I want to be a part of your lives and the life of my grandchild on whatever level you feel comfortable. I know that there have been a lot of changes involved, etc etc, but I love you and your baby and want to be a presence in her life etc etc. I would NEVER EVER EVER do this to my parents, no matter what they have done to me in the past-my kids have a right to a good relationship with their grandparents. I treasure the closeness of my mom and my daughters. She loves them so so much and Geneva who is 6 has started writing her letters. They are all in her own hand now, and very difficult to read, but my mom treasures every single one of them. I am sorry that this is happening. I wonder if he will come around soon?

*edited to add*

Don't buy them anything else. You wouldn't want them to think that you are trying to buy their affections, and on holidays, try to give the child modest gifts that are practical. the reason I say this is because it makes me mad when my dad and step mom go overboard on the holidays and get my kids things I don't really want them to have, like the porcelain doll collection they somehow decided my oldest child needed to have. This is just my opinion, but I really hate it when they go overboard with buying. It sort of offends me, but i can't explain why-maybe its the feeling I get that they want me to reciprocate and I just can't. Besides I would rather have their time and their presence than gifts or money. Just my 2 cents worth.
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replied November 30th, 2007
Thank You All
hi ive read your replys and want to say thank you ive tryed everything i even sent my mother up to speak with my son and tryed to talk to him but he said the same thing to my mum ive not been very well this year myself i had emergency operation and couldnt walk for 6 weeks but this was before the baby was due but even when i was ill my son or his girl never even came to visit me but they said its cos he works but you know something i wouldnt care if i was working if i knew my mum was ill id of been there for her i never even said a thing to them about not even coming yet when my son and his girl had a fight i still full of stiches and when her mother called me to ask if i could come up at 1 oclock in the morning has ill has i was i was still there for them both and no i dont take sides of any of them i had to get my mother out of bed to take me i was so ill at the time and yet again i never said a word since my granchild has been born i feel they both have been horrible to me maybe i should of stood up to them both then they might of thought different yet what i cant understand most of all is they live with her parents who are always fighting her mother drinks most of the day after the baby came out of hospital she was only 4 days old and her mother tryed to kill herself then the week after she was arrested for fighting with the neighbours . i just find it all so hard to take in and wish my son would relize how much im hurting me and my husband are really decentpeople we have a lovely home and like i say we have always been very close to my son we are not old parents we all used to go out together and get on so well .dont get me wrong the house they live in is lovely you could eat off the floors but rest of the things that go on are not right but again never said anything oh we will see what happens im hopeing he will be intouch for xmas
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replied November 30th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
jinnymc I think your son needs to see Sean Penn movie "Into the wild". Have any of you guys out there see that movie? It has a nerve racking ending as the boy dies but it gives you so much to think about. Parents, love..
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replied December 3rd, 2007
Hi
ive not seen the film and ive asked a few freinds and nobody i know has seen it jinny
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replied July 25th, 2008
Experienced User
I am sorry to hear what is goin on with your life
It makes me so sad that they treat you like this you have every right to see your Grand babies they have your genes too. You know I don't see why she doesn't understand that she is lucky to have a mother-in law like you and your son doesn't know how luck he is to have a mother who cares if she wasn't like this to you would you treat her as one of your own kids?
. There are a few possibilities your sons girlfriend might feel that she is married to your son and that she is the boss and he allows her to walk on him. I think what you need to do is talk to them together and ask what the problem is? I know your son and his girlfriend are hurting you alot, You could also try to talk to your sons girlfriend about her issues with you? Communication is key But you cant just blame her because your son is allowing it to happen you should talk to him about his problem with and Stand your ground and say how you feel!!! Don't be afraid and when your son keeps taking advantage tell him enough is enough it will be really hard but tough love is the only way they will learn. How do you and her react to each other? What kind of relationship do you have with his girlfriend ? Also how many kids do you have? I am trying to figure from different situations to figure out a solution. Talk to them
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replied November 7th, 2012
I feel for you so much. Why oh why do some girls feels the need to 'own' our sons? I have enjoyed mine their entire young lives and now that they are grown up. 17 and 18 I am happy to see them falling in love and expect to now get 5% of their time. However this 5% is entirely necessary and shouldn't be held back by girls who have come along. So so cruel. I am desperately unhappy. I even looked forward to having girls around after living with a husband and two boys for the last 18 years. What do we do wrong to deserve this unkind treatment
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replied November 24th, 2012
maybe pop up to the house for a visit?? in the weekend... Just say u were in the neighbourhood and thought ud stop by for a quick hello. Take him something he loves maybe it will remind him to make time for u aswell..? best of luck
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replied December 16th, 2012
Wow! I am so surprised to see how very common this problem is,truly. I am sorry this is happening to you both.It does hurt beyond belief to give someone so much love, encouragement, confidence,and a kind loving home to grow up in, only to have them mistreat you so very badly.It is incomprehensible to me. I am enduring the same treatment, so believe me, I do understand. I have 3 sons 24yrs,22yrs, and 19yrs old. My oldest son went through a pretty much normal stage of "I know more than you, so but out of my life" phase. He after a few rough years learned how very lucky he is to have parents that love him and have his back no matter what. My middle child has Down syndrome and he has always been my sweet little man, he's the exception to the rule. My youngest however is a different story. I honestly have no idea where I went wrong with him. We had always been very close. He and I had a bond unlike me and my other boys, we just clicked. Now don't get me wrong, I love all of my boys the same. But it's just human nature that you get along better with certain people. Kind of like how were better friends with some than with others. Anyway, he shared everything with me. I knew as he got older he'd pull away somewhat that's just what teenagers do. But when it did, it was almost overnight and way to much to soon. I knew something else was going on, and sure enough he met a girl and fell in love. My husband and I stay involved in our boys lives, but we know when to back off. As time went on we got to know his gf very well. We fell in love with her, she was a total sweetheart, or so we thought. We are a military family and needless to say we move around a lot. as do our friends in the military. When my sons gf's dad came down on orders to leave the state we were in, out of love and caring we offered her to move in with us. She jumped at the chance and we got the ball rolling. A lot of preperation goes in to this kind of situation, at least in the Army it does. A month before she was to move in, things came to a screeching halt. We were then blindsided by my son announcing he'd be moving in with her and her parents end of story. No warning, no hint nothing just like that the sript was flipped. We were mad but told him we wished them the best and begged that'd he'd reconsider really think about what that meant for them and there future. We offered them the chance to hang back and get their affairs in order before they did this. My son didn't even have his diploma, no money in the bank and no job or car. We sead we'd help them with all. It was no sooner the end of the conversation and I was being berated and called disgusting names on twitter and Facebook by his gf. This crushed me, what did i do but be nice and offer help to my son and her? What did I do to deserve such horrible treatment. It just went from bad to worse. Here I am almost 6 months later and not a word from my son. I feel so cheated, so angry and hurt. I just want to know what I did that would cause a child to treat their own mother with such contempt? I am just broken. I don't know what I can do besides pray the son I know and love comes back to me. Because right now he is a stranger to me. Help.............. : (
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