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I Can't Take This Anymore. I Have to Get This Off My Chest. (Page 1)

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This is what has really been going on.

To start this off, I haven't said anything about the situation with Nick and me lately because I didn't want any of you to think I was trash, or unable to be a mom.

Nick is scaring me. About a week and a half ago, Nick came home drunk around 1:15 AM, started yelling at me, calling me names, and breaking everything in sight. He grabbed me and shook me, and I was floored. I didn't know what to do. He was completely out of control, so I called the police. They showed up and he ran. When they found him at his parent's house, which is a few streets over, they told him to stay away for 24 hours. He came back within two.

He was remorseful, so I let him back in. He then became even more upset than he was and started throwing things and breaking things and saying things to me that nobody has ever said. I called the police again. I was so scared. When they came the second time, he ran again and took the keys with him. They asked me some questions. Previously, I had left out the fact that he grabbed me and shook me, but this time I told them. He has raised his hand to me before, but he has never gotten so close to violent.

At around 4 AM I called Spruce Run which is a women's shelter, because I was so shaken and scared because he had the keys with him and the police still hadn't found him. They said they couldn't do anything because he didn't "really hurt me". I guess you have to be beaten to a pulp before they do anything, huh? After I hung up with them, Nick called me. I asked where he was and he told me he was walking around in the woods to hide, and he was at his parent's now because the police showed up there but they had left. They told me to call them if I got in contact with him because he broke the law. I called them, and they arrested him.

When he got out the next day he told me he wanted counseling. We also had to contact the court to amend his bail and stuff like that, so yesterday (a week and a half later) we had a hearing and they amended his bail under the condition he will take anger management and substance abuse counseling.

Last night was fine. Today was rocky. He immediately starts blaming EVERYTHING on me. I missed work today because I couldn't get myself together. Luckily my manager is understanding.

Anyways, tonight he went to the store with his mother and his friend to get some groceries. He said he would be home in about a half hour. 40 minutes goes by and he says he's at his parent's getting some things together and he's going to his friend's house (four of them live together, and they're all alcoholics and potheads) and I asked him to please not smoke pot. I don't like it when he does, or how he acts. He got upset with me and said if I ever try to control him again, it's over. He also said that his ex tried to control this aspect of his life and that's why he cheated on her. He told me to get out of his life and just stay away from him.

I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this was so long. I'm hurting so much and have nobody else to talk to about it. I want help, but I don't know where to get it. This is killing me.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
katie

im sorry but you need to be DONE
please honey
please let him go
please
im seriously worried about the situation

im so sorry
why didnt you tell us hun! we wont think anything bad of you!!!
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
katie i know its hard but for your sake and this babies sake please dont let him do this to you

ive been there
and it sucks
i spent my 15th birthday beaten up. in the cold all alone at a convienet store at 2am. please dont let nick traet you they way i was treated a few years ago

please
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replied November 21st, 2007
Supporter
wow.. i dont have much to say.. but im sorry this is happening to you.. did you tell the womans shelter that you are pregnant and your worried he may hurt you and the baby?

have you talked to your parents.. i think you would be best off to leave him, i konw it might not be what you want to hear. but if hes like this you dont want him around you baby doing things like this.. see if your parents can help you out..
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Oh my huh. I am so glad you opened up to us. People here are so understanding. This situation no way reflects on your ability to be a great mom.
Does he mainly get like that when he is drunk? Do you suspect that he is doing drugs without your knowledge?
Do you two live together?

I am really concerned for your safety and that of your child - really concerned.

Are you usually scared (semi-scared) around him? Do you constantly find yourself wondering when the next time he will "flip out" will be? Do you find he is getting worse or is he pretty much the same as he has always been? Does abuse of any kind run in his family?

You honestly sound like you are doing everything at the moment. I commend you for being strong enough to call the cops and to go to the shelter!!
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Hun, you need to leave him. For your sake, and you baby's sake. He's not going to stop, he's just going to get more and more abusive, and he'll eventually hurt you very badly. What if that happens while you're still pregnant? I know it's scary to think about, but what if you lose the baby? What if nothing happens, and after the baby's born he gets abusive towards her? You need to leave NOW.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Experienced User
girl...im sorry to hear about this
im new i know and im not about to say i know everything to tell you
but if he did infact get violent and has been before
he mostlikely will again,which sucks to say

becareful,please ive seen many people,close friends and relatives go through this situation...it never turns out good until you leave the person.

call your parents,a shelter or even the police
tell them that he shook you to the floor
adn that your scared and would appreciate an escort
i doubt they will turn that down....

also no one with a brian would think you were trash
i was told today that this community no matter how much drama it has or doesnt
is a close knit bonded "family"
we/i want to make sure your safe

pm me anytime im more than willing to talk
if you live in the ny area
me and my hubby are stationed here
we'll be more than willing to help

please becareful and do what is right for you!!
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I would really suggest getting away from this guy. For you, and your baby. I know it's hard cause he's the father to your baby (i think) but you should NOT have to put up with this, and what happens if he hits you in the belly, or pushes you and you fall and hurt the baby. I hate guys like this. And i feel very bad that you have to deal with this. I can't believe that shelter. Do you have anyone you can stay with, or move in with? I would really suggest finding somewhere else to stay, or have someone come stay with you.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
like amy said hun we are all here for you
if you need a place to stay then you know i swear ill bring you to texas and you can stay here. im not kidding katie
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I don't have anywhere to go. My dad doesn't take me seriously when I call him because I've done it so many times and he thinks it's just my horomones. He also says he is NOT having a baby living at his house and if that thought has crossed my mind, to let it go. He always says he is tired of our "drama".

I can't stop crying. I've talked to a couple of my close friends about it and they say "oh, sorry" and then change the subject. I don't know what to do.

Yes, I did tell the shelter that I am pregnant, as well as the police. Nick told me that he hopes the baby dies, and that scared me more than anything. This is my CHILD. I don't know what to do, or where to go. Abuse doesn't run in his family. At all. His parents have been happily married for 26 years with NO problems.

Nick has a history of anger problems, cutting, and he tried to overdose on pills once. I thought he changed. I'm seriously so lost. He's going to be home in an hour and I don't want to get in another fight. He says he smokes to calm down because I piss him off and there's nothing else he can do.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
leave now

go to a shleter no matter what kind it is
or a church even
oh god why wont the !**@! police help you.

katie do you have any money right now?
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replied November 21st, 2007
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L
E
A
V
E


N
O
W
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Damn it, I wish you weren't on the opposite coast.

You need to get out, now. Like Suzy said, go to a church even. Just pack up and get the hell out.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
katie ill pay for a freaking plane ticket for you to come down here right now

im so serious

why wont your parents help you Sad even for a little bit
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Yeah that makes me nervous when you say he wished the baby would die. My crazy ass father tried to cut my mothers belly when she was preggo with me. You need to get out now!
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Yeah, I have money. But not much. I have about 80 dollars. The police pretty much did everything they could, or that's what they said. I don't feel like I'm in danger right now. This all happened close to two weeks ago, excluding the things he said tonight about smoking and to get out of his life...
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
it doesn't matter. It's going to happen again, and again, and it's going to escalate. My aunt was in this same situation, and her boyfriend beat the crap out of her and repeatedly kicked her in the stomach when she was about 5 months along. Thank god my cousin was okay, and my aunt didn't miscarry.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Especially eHealthy
i just dont want him to go off again

its s hard to walk away sometimes but even harder to stay Sad
your a beautiful strong girl
you dont deserve it
i know its tough and even harder when your alone
even if you need to go get a cheap hotel ok? for just a night or two
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replied November 21st, 2007
I know you don't know me, but please listen to the advice your getting right now. This is very serious and it will only get worse. I know you are devestated and just wish it all will go away, but it won't unless you get out. Go anywhere safe-a friends, family members, neighbors, shelter if you have to. I had a friend in a similiar situation. First her boyfriend would threaten the life of her unborn child, then he began physically beating her when she was pregnant. She stayed with him and a month after the baby was born she took him to the hospital for a bad cough. They did x-rays and discovered he was recovering from a broken rib. A BROKEN RIB AT LESS THAN A MONTH OLD. They got him taken away and it took months to get him back. You don't want to be in this situation. Any man who truly lives you and his child would never wish death upon his own baby- not even just to get you mad. This is a bright red flag. I don't know where you live but I can give you resources if you need them. I used to work with battered women also. And if he is sorry you can get counseling and still live away from him after you get away- just get away first.
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replied November 21st, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. You really do need to leave. I'm sure when he sobers up and calms down he'll say he's sorry and he'll agree to go to his Batterer's anonymous class, but the fact is if he put his hands on you he will again. Every time he gets mad it will get worse and worse, trust me I know!!!

I'm really surprised if he was arrested for being abusive that the police didn't give you a temporary order of protection. They usually do if they feel he is going to be a threat to you. Unfortunately sometimes Bangor PD sucks. It is a shame that you can't go to a woman's shelter unless you have been beaten, that doesn't seem fair.

You really need to get out of there and hide out for a while. Then you need to go to the district court and get a protection order.

Don't ever worry about people thinking you won't be a good parent because you are in a bad relationship. Lots of women have been where you are.
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