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I've been really thinking lately & I don't know if I am truly happy with Shane anymore. It's been in the back of my mind for a while now, but it's getting worse. I don't feel like I am loved. Or wanted. & most of all appreciated. I feel like he's making excuses for not getting engaged because he really doesn't want to be with me for the rest our lives. I don't get the little hugs & kisses, he doesn't even tell me he loves me unless I say it first, & then he'll respond by saying "I love you more". Every single time. We very rarely have decent conversations anymore. The only time we can talk decent without him making nasty comments & just having an attitude altogether is when we're in the car. He makes me feel like crap, all the time. I never get compliments from him, when I'm all the time telling him he looks cute. All this started when he got his new job & now it's like he's a big macho money maker that is too good for me. He's still to this day telling me I over reacted about Duke biting Kaylee. I am trying to break Kaylee from the binky & I hide it from her during the day.. Well everytime she starts fussing he finds the binky & corks her, thinking it's going to quiet her right down. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing & that this relationship is going absolutely nowhere. I'm tired of feeling like he's only with me because of Kaylee. I can't leave, I have nowhere to go.. No car.. No job. No money whatsoever saved anywhere. & if I left he'd fight me for Kaylee. That's the thing I'm scared of most. I want to keep my family together more than anything but what good is it going to do Kaylee to grow up seeing her Mommy & Daddy never showing affection toward each other & Daddy always making Mommy feel bad about everything? I can't talk to him,, I've tried. He just thinks I'm trying to start a fight. & then on top of all of this, I was going through my limewire the other day because I was getting ready to burn a new CD.. Well I was scrolling down through & found something about a 16 year old, I don't remember exactly what it was called but it was definately porn. What do I do about that? I told him I found it & he denied downloading it of course & said that he never even gets into limewire. But the other day when I came home, he had limewire opened & I asked him if he downloaded any new music & he said no, he didn't download anything. I told him I'm sure as hell not looking at naked 16 year olds online so I know it was him & he pretty much admitted it. That's exactly the kind of crap that makes me feel just worthless. He loves girls who have a teeny tiny little frame, I've NEVER been that girl & never will be. I have wide hips, love handles, you name it. I can't even tell you the last time we had sex & I let him see my body. This is all just wearing down on me. Kaylee deserves to see her Mommy & Daddy happy but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm nothing but good to him. I take care of Kaylee, clean the house, have dinner ready for him, I get his clothes out & ready for work for him. I do everything for him. I even pack his lunches. & what do I get? Not even a thank you or I love you. Sorry I'm jumping around from topic to topic.. I needed to get this off my chest though, I feel like I'm going to break any second. I'm just tired of pretending I'm happy & I'm not sure at all that I am Sad Any advice would be great Sad
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replied November 19th, 2007
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for one stop doing everything for him he is a so called man and can do it himself stop telling him how good he looks
and give him a deadline on when you want to get engaged and leave him a letter then talking out all of your concerns im sorry you are going thru this hun its not fair you are a sweet person and a good mom and you are verry pretty to boot.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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I'm so sorry, Michelle Sad I do think you should write a list of reasons why you're not happy - specific things that he's done that he can change (not things that he can't change), and sit him down and MAKE him listen to you. And ask him honestly if he thinks you two have a future. No one deserves to be miserable. He needs to know and UNDERSTAND that you're not happy and that you're feeling these things. If he cared about you and Kaylee at all, he wouldn't want you to feel that way.

PM me anytime hon Sad
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replied November 19th, 2007
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Thanks you guys, I'm going to stop doing every little thing for him, maybe then he'll realize just how much I do & start respecting me.

I'm going to have to write him a letter letting him know how I feel because it's impossible to talk to him face to face. I'm scared to death though, that I'm going to write him the letter telling him everything, talk about all of it & then find a note the next day from him telling me it's over. That is how he broke up with the last time a few years ago. Left a note on my pillow.

I love him, I really do, we've been together forever. But the way he acts anymore makes me wonder if he loves me even the slightest bit Sad

I think if it wasn't for Kaylee, I wouldn't be with him right now Sad
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replied November 19th, 2007
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if he leaves then he wont reall;y get custody of your daughter but red flags go up when you mentioned 16yr olds porn wow hun thats bad.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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This must be so hard on you. Sad I think making a list of things you do for him and showing him might be a good idea. Maybe, as you said, stop doing these things so he gets a taste of how much you care and do for him. That is terrible he broke up with you via note before Sad

On a side not, if you really really aren't happy with him, and if you talk to him and try to fix it and it doesn't work, don't stay with him for the sake of Kaylee. It is understandable to want to have a stable mommy and daddy for her, but at the same time, if you do end up breaking up that doesn't mean he can't be in her life. He can still pay her visits and be a good daddy. If it somehow did get to court, the court usually rules in favor of the mother so you should be alright in that respect. Kaylee would probably be much happier with a separated mommy and daddy who both love her then seeing a mommy and daddy who fight or don't appreciate each other.

I really hope things work out for you. I know this must be so so so hard on you. Hang in there, and good luck. You're in my thoughts.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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lonelyangel wrote:
if he leaves then he wont reall;y get custody of your daughter but red flags go up when you mentioned 16yr olds porn wow hun thats bad.


He's always had a "thing" for younger girls but this is the first time since I got pregnant that I've found anything like this. I even joke around with him about porn & say I won't be mad if he lets me watch it with him, but he still sneaks around to see it apparently.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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PenguinsRus wrote:
This must be so hard on you. Sad I think making a list of things you do for him and showing him might be a good idea. Maybe, as you said, stop doing these things so he gets a taste of how much you care and do for him. That is terrible he broke up with you via note before Sad

On a side not, if you really really aren't happy with him, and if you talk to him and try to fix it and it doesn't work, don't stay with him for the sake of Kaylee. It is understandable to want to have a stable mommy and daddy for her, but at the same time, if you do end up breaking up that doesn't mean he can't be in her life. He can still pay her visits and be a good daddy. If it somehow did get to court, the court usually rules in favor of the mother so you should be alright in that respect. Kaylee would probably be much happier with a separated mommy and daddy who both love her then seeing a mommy and daddy who fight or don't appreciate each other.

I really hope things work out for you. I know this must be so so so hard on you. Hang in there, and good luck. You're in my thoughts.


Thanks so much for the reply. You're absolutely right when you say Kaylee would be happier with separated parents than with parents who are together & don't get along. I grew up with my mom & dad fighting constantly & then when they split up it was my mom & her boyfriend doing the same thing. It's breaking my heart thinking about splitting our family up Sad
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replied November 19th, 2007
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im sorry hun

it seems like alot of people have been feeling this wya on here lately Sad it makes mesad to see you guys misreable. we may have had our differences on the whole stupid dog thing but i hope you know i dont take that personally at all and im here for you if you need someone to talk to ok?
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replied November 19th, 2007
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Thanks Suzy, I appreciate that!
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replied November 19th, 2007
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OctoberBaby06 wrote:
PenguinsRus wrote:
This must be so hard on you. Sad I think making a list of things you do for him and showing him might be a good idea. Maybe, as you said, stop doing these things so he gets a taste of how much you care and do for him. That is terrible he broke up with you via note before Sad

On a side not, if you really really aren't happy with him, and if you talk to him and try to fix it and it doesn't work, don't stay with him for the sake of Kaylee. It is understandable to want to have a stable mommy and daddy for her, but at the same time, if you do end up breaking up that doesn't mean he can't be in her life. He can still pay her visits and be a good daddy. If it somehow did get to court, the court usually rules in favor of the mother so you should be alright in that respect. Kaylee would probably be much happier with a separated mommy and daddy who both love her then seeing a mommy and daddy who fight or don't appreciate each other.

I really hope things work out for you. I know this must be so so so hard on you. Hang in there, and good luck. You're in my thoughts.


Thanks so much for the reply. You're absolutely right when you say Kaylee would be happier with separated parents than with parents who are together & don't get along. I grew up with my mom & dad fighting constantly & then when they split up it was my mom & her boyfriend doing the same thing. It's breaking my heart thinking about splitting our family up Sad


That is completely understandable. When you are with someone for so long and create a family together, it is hard to think about breaking it apart. Give it some time and sit down to think. Maybe you can make a list of the positives and negatives in the relationship so you can sort out in your mind if you really think it is worth it. At the same time, that list might be good to show to him. That way you won't hit him with all bad things like "you do this wrong" "I wish you did this" etc, but he will also have some good to balance it. It might make your concerns about the relationship seem like less of a fight and attack, and more like a true concern and he'll know he's appreciated but there is a lot he has to work on.

If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.

Just remember that if it comes down to it in the end, as long as you listen to your heart you are making the right decision. You must do what is best for you and your daughter and have faith in yourself and know that everything will turn out alright in the end, even if it is really hard.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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Thanks so much, I'm going to make some lists & bring them up to him. I hope that if he sees he's really hurting me he'll wake up & realize what he's doing & what he's about to lose if he doesn't straighten up.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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I really can't give you any advice, because I haven't been there.

I'm just wishing you the best.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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sorry i just reread your post and the whole thing with the 16 yr old porn angers me off really bad
thats horrible
Sad

michelle i hope to god he realizes before its too late what hes doing because if i were you and he doesnt straighten his sh*% up then you gotta do what you gotta do for your baby and yourself. if it comes down to leaving that may be the best thing in the end if hes not willing to change
im sorry but the porn 16 yr old thing just sets off a big red flashing light to me and makes me really mad.
i cant imajine how you feel Sad
im sorry you gotta go through this but YOU and kaylee deserve respect and that is NOT respect
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replied November 19th, 2007
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Relationships take work and lots of couples go through little rough patches. You two have recently got into your own place and I'm sure that is causing stress in your relationship. Money has a way of doing that Sad
I think a list is a great idea. When you approach him be calm and try not to act like you are angry.
I would stop doing everything for him, cause it seems like he is taking you for granted.
Let him know exactly how you are feeling and that you are considering leaving if things don't improve. Maybe you could find a part time job to get you out of the house. You'll meet new people and get a break from home for awhile.
I grew up in a home with two parents who never did anything together besides argue and it was a real downer. Kaylee does deserve better than that.
The porn thing is a bit strange, but lots of men look at porn and never go any further than that.
Good luck to you Michelle!
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replied November 19th, 2007
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i'm sorry, michelle. i really hope everything works out. you deserve to be happy!!
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replied November 19th, 2007
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my dh and i watch porn off of the internet on a free site i watch it by myself when hes not home but im also on the phone with him at the same time but we never do it behind each others back esp kiddie porn
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replied November 19th, 2007
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to be competly honest i've been feeling the same way, but for me it comes and goes... sometimes i feel like we use to, others i feel like if it wasnt for reese we wouldnt be togeather. I also think shawns just making excuses not to get engaged also, hes had plently of chances to buy nice cheap rings. like one time i seen one i liked on sale for 80$ down from 280$ but he didnt buy it.

Has your man actually had chances to go out (and afford) to buy you a ring? does he think you want an expensive ring?
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replied November 19th, 2007
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well if he is mr big money man now then he should be able to get you a ring then huh.
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replied November 19th, 2007
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Wow, Michelle I read this post and it reminded me of my relationship A LOT, minus a few things! PM me and we can talk, you just described my relationship in a nutshell...
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