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My children go to an in-home daycare two days a week. I have become friends with the person who watches the kids. A few things have been bothering me and I will talk with her about it. My husband has dropped them off twice and it will probably be a regular occurance. She leaves Nate's carseat outside and it was raining when I went to pick him up. It is under a covered patio but it was still extremely damp. I am not made of money. I would never EVER leave my carseat outside. I am sure this is small and can be resolved with a talk...but it just bothers me.

Secondly, Nathan's shoe was left outside when I picked him up. It was dark so she stated that she would look in the backyard the next day (thursday - I work Wed and Fri). When I picked my son up from daycare on Friday night, it was STILL outside and it was raining pretty hard. When I asked her where it was, she wasn't really that interested in finding it. I told her I couldn't leave until we found it since it is his best shoes. She went outside and gave me this extremely wet shoe. She didn't apologize. I felt extremely horrible but I felt I couldn't say much because nathan borrowed a pair of her child's shoes and we can't find them. I told her I will buy her son a new pair of shoes and she said, "That's alright, they will show up."

I don't know if she is being passive-aggressive about her son's shoes although I asked her if she wants me to buy a BRAND NEW pair. I don't blame her for feeling mad but she has told me many times, "No big deal!" At least she could have apologized about Nathan's shoe being left outside. I am so lost. Her ex husband just lost his job the day before, so I feel perhaps I should just let it slide. She depends on his money and doesn't know how she will make it without the child support.

In addition, her four year old boy picks on my son all the time. I know my son probably picks on him but it's just different. Her son is a bully, seriously. The mom/daycare provider, is really strict with him but it doesn't seem to make a difference. nathan is asking me to take him to a new place. At this place, his best friend is a two year old girl who functions as if she is a four year old. There is another four year old boy who is there occasionally and when they both get together, they really leave Nate out. He comes home crying.

I am at a lost. She is my friend and needs my income. When I pick up my children, there is always someone crying or fighting. She has four of her own kids and sometimes watches up to six other kids NOT counting mine. She is good at watching Brian but I worry about when he gets older. What am I going to do???

I have been through so much crap with daycare providers already with Nathan. I can't really afford an actual daycare situation nor do I want to put Brian in an actual center. We need my part time income. I know I can find someone else, but trust is a hard thing. I do trust her, which is very important. Perhaps I don't trust the situation as much as I thought because something is bugging me and I can't quite figure it out.
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replied November 18th, 2007
Experienced User
Oh man... that sounds like a really tough situation. My mom used to run an in-home daycare when I was young. I was an only child then, but she watched several different children. She would never leave someone's car seat outside though, and my mom would drive herself crazy if she wasn't able to find someone's shoe. I think maybe the woman is biting off more than she can chew with all of the children she's caring for because she needs the money.

I don't really know what to tell you as far as what to do. It really is tough. Since she is your friend, just try talking to her about it. Ask her if she's becoming overwhelmed. Let her know that it's okay.. that everyone needs help... but the children should always be put first.
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replied November 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Oh that is so tough. In my opinion, I think you need to take what Nathan is saying to heart. If he is bullied, it can do a lot of lasting damage to his self esteem at this very tender age. That STINKS! Geneva was just bullied at school by 2 sixth grade boys who stole her stuff and played keep-away. She ended up biting one of them. At first I was so mad, but everyone I have talked to seems to think that her standing up for herself was the best thing she could have done.

I think that even if this woman is strict with her son about bullying yours, perhaps she is not addressing it correctly. Simply punishing a child for this behavior is not sufficient. Parents really need to get way down to the issue and that is of valuing another person and being kind. If all she does is punish, he will just turn around and take it out on your son. I don't know how comfortable you feel with addressing the issue of values, kindness, working things out, etc with this person. Her money issues cannot be your problem, regardless of your friendsip. You really have to look at what is best for your son.

Of course, this opinion is based off of a great emotion I have recently felt because of my daughter's situation, but I am sad for Nathan being left out nd bullied! He's too sweet a kid for that!
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replied November 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Thank you. I do think she is biting off more than she can chew. She is now talking about getting second job for more income because of her exhusbands loss of employment. Nathan keeps talking about how mean the kids are. When my husband (Pat) dropped them off on Wed morning, Pat saw the child kick Nathan in the face. Of course, the child did get in trouble. He was sent to his room yelling, "I hate you mom!" Do I really want Nathan to learn that? Nathan is really against bad words, though, and makes up his own words to replace the bad words he wants to say. It's actually pretty smart of him.

I don't think she would ever admit she is feeling overwhelmed. That is the problem.
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replied November 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
That's awful! I would never allow my kid to say such things!
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replied November 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
sillyakchick wrote:

If all she does is punish, he will just turn around and take it out on your son.


That's what my mom said. I think that could be what's happening. It is getting worse. I am going to talk with her today. I probably will start looking elsewhere. This is going to be so difficult. I may lose my closest friend here in Idaho. I really have not met a lot of other people. She is the one I call up.

I do have to think about my son. I know he may instigate certain things but not to the point of being hit in the face. This child's father is severe bipolar and he has anger management problems. He has been around some horrible things lately. It doesn't matter. I need to think about my children. OH, my son does not hit - he doesn't even hit children back. He does push to protect himself. Basically, I feel he is getting beat up.

Nathan just told me again, five minutes ago, that he does NOT want to go back.
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replied November 18th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I hope you find a good solution. Poor Nathan, he must be so frustrated!

Do you have a local resource for licensed home day care providers? There's a huge ob/gyn office that keeps a list here where I live. Also, have you checked Craig's list? What about trading babysitting with another woman who works part time? I know how terribly expensive child care centers are. I looked into one and they told me it was 240 bucks A WEEK for my preschool age child and 265 for my infant! Who could afford to work and pay for that???? Do you work in a university town? I found a part time sitter for Hannah by posting a job opening on the university job boards.

That is a really tough spot for you to be in. Maybe you could little white lie your way out of there and still preserve the friendship if you could find someone to trade with or get him into a good preschool program or something. I loved Genevas preschool! (I wish she could go back there! I hate hate hate her school....)
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