Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

How to stop thinking about someone ???

okay you all know about my recent message board about my boyfriend.i just need some advice on how to stop thinking about him soooo much.i know that he has his activies were he doesnt think about me i just want some activies that i dont think about him.im am scared to leave this relationship because i dont know how life is going to be with out him.and i am scared because i dont know the day when he is going to let me lose and that hurts more. and i dont wanna cut him lose yet i just dont want him to be on my mind 24/7 like he is now.he is all i think about and i am afaid because i klnow that my love has turned into obession and that i am very much dangerously inlove.i have tryed not talking to him for a period of time,just to see how it would be not to talk to him but the most that i went was 2 days,and in those 2 days it was hell not talking to him.i guess that reason that i have not left him yet is because i dont know how or maybe that i am afaid what ever it is a really need some good advice.so if you are only on here to trash people dont give advice on this broad thanks.but to me it seems as if he wants his cake and to eat it too,he`s telling me that he just wants to be friends,but at the same time he want to sleep with me.in the middle of our sexual intercourse he says i love you and i believe him everytime...please help.
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replied November 13th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I would just stick close to friends so you don't feel the need to speak with him.

You want activities to do where you don't thnk about him? Play a sport or get a hobby that invovles thought. Read a book! Thats what I do when I'm stressed about anything. I just spend some time tucked in my chair wrapped in blankets and read.
As long as it's something you find interesting then it will get your mind off him for awhile.

Your personal insecurrity is not a good reason to stick with your guy. If you aren't happy then leave. Feeling like you should leave but not wanting to because you "need" him isn't a good reason. You are pretty young if I remember, sometimes before being in a serious relationship it's good to have yourself figured out first. You should be confident and comfortable being independent, and as young as you are you shouldn't feel obligated to stay with a guy because you don't know how life will be without him. He doesn't respect you, and if nothing else a relationship should have that right? His lack of respect for you should be more than enough to end it.

I'm not er... trying to trash you. I'll be here if you need t.
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replied November 13th, 2007
thanks...i like to write books and stories,poems what ever i just like to write and that requires a lot of thinking.i guess ill try that.i know that he should have respect for me all the time but,sometimes he does have respect for me.and he really is a decent guys.i know that im pretty and i can get another guy thats for sure,but what if i meet another just like him or worse than him,and i fall for them more then i fell for him?so should i slowly do things that starts to distance us physically and mentionally?? like talk to him less on the phone and make up excuses not to come to his house he he asks me to?
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replied November 14th, 2007
can any body make a reply on thispost, i really need some advice.2 nights ago(monday november 12) i snuck my boyfriend in my bedroom window and we had a sexual intercourse(remember,im 16 so i had to be really careful)but any way.he called me the same nite,but he didnt call me the next day(yesterday)or he has not called me to day yet.and im about to go CRAZY as i sit in school tears have been rolling down my face all day,i miss him so much.im to do other things but everything just comes right back to him. some body help me!!! my love has turned in to obsession!!!
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replied November 14th, 2007
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Excuses? What? No, you're not 12 years old here. I'm assuming because you've taken certain steps in your relationship that at the very least you are able to be honest and open when talking to your partner.

I'm not big on games or plans for eventual break up. I would just sit him down and have a talk that will either end in second chances or a break up. You tell him you want to break up and why, and that’s that. If you need to ease into the idea of breaking up, I would think you would stop the physical part of the relationship.

What's the rush for a new guy? Being independent for awhile is fun, and really isn't a bad thing. It might be good for you too, that way you'll be more comfortable leaving if you are ever in a relationship like this one again.

And as long as you remember that at the very least, your relationship should have a mutual respect for each other that does not waver, then finding a good relationship and more than a "decent guy" shouldn't be so hard.
------

Sorry that took so long, I had it typed out and then it logged me out Evil or Very Mad
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replied November 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Oh my. You need to get out of the relationship. You are 16 and have alot of life ahead of you. Yes you might meet someone else like him but you will know to leave the situation before it goes too far. But you might also meet someone great who REALLY loves you and respects you. Stay single for awhile that was the most fun I had in highschool and I'm really glad I did because when I had a steady boyfriend and lost my virginity I ended up getting pregnant and we got married so life was pretty tied down my last 2 years. We are still together and have 2 kids so I'm very happy. But don't stay in a relationship that you are so unhappy in.

Take time off from him and write or read or hang out with friends, make new friends. Just make time for YOURSELF with out him.

Take care girl
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replied November 18th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
You Can Do It
Everytime you start thinking about him just occupy yourself with healthy activities like swimming, running, reading or just hang out with your friends at the mall or something; the minute you start to think about him divert yourself to do other things or think about anything else, hope it works good luck.
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replied November 20th, 2007
thanks for all the advice,but now this weekend end i met a new great guy,and he really wants to be with me.he is nice and sweet and gives me alot of respect.he feels like someone i can b with so i hope it works out,its not official that we are dating yet we are still talking,and every since i met him i have not thought about my ex NOT ONE TIME!,and i thought life would end before i stopped thinking about him but i think thats just what i needed.(oh yea and i sat down and had a long talk with my boyfriend and we decided to just be best friend friends,we are bestfriends now.he was just as unhappy as i was in the relationship,so now we hang chill and call and talk like bestfriends......without the sexual intercourse....and im not hurt at all cause its something we both wanted.and now i can still talk to my ex with no feelings involved and i now have this new great guy.and im happy...thanks everybody.....
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replied November 20th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
wonder why some women always base their happiness over the fact if there is a guy in there life or not.. ????? Ever noticed
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replied November 20th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Yeah I've noticed. A friend of mine is crazy when it comes to having a boyfriend. She speed dates and always thinks the guy she's with is her soul mate and obviously comes on too strong and freaks the guy out so they break up within two months. Silly girl. She's been like that for as long as I can remember and spends a lot of the time crying and confused. I wish she'd just stay single and be happy that way!

Very confused you work fast! Very Happy
Are you going to be friends with this guy for awhile or hop into something?-- I know you said you were just talking, but I was wondering if you're planning on staying single for awhile(as in longer than 3 months) or not? It's a lot more fun then it probably sounds right now I promise! And I'm not criticizing you; I'm just curious, so please don't get upset even though my question does seem a little rude.
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replied November 20th, 2007
Very confused, I'm happy that u have a new guy in your life! But before u jump into anything u need to create a life of your own so that whether or not there is a guy around, u are ok. Do things for yourself, but not in a selfish way, just explore your interests.
Also if you ever get hung up on a guy again, the best thing to do is not think about you, or the guy...Do something for someone else, put your focus on them!! Help out a family member, bake cookies for someone, volunteer for something ur interested in (beach clean-up, big sisters, habitat for humanity, etc) and u will not only feel good about helping others, but u will be so busy with the activity u will hardly think about the guy.
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replied November 21st, 2007
I've been through that before. I would have loved to have had someone right there when my girlfriend and I broke up (actaully it was one of those we need a break deals where she had a new guy friend, ugh, wonderful). Anyway, as she insecurely jumped from one guy to another I found pleasure in building a new audio system in my car, remodeling the house including enclosing my porch. I stopped drinking. I made a ton of changes in my life just for me. When I think about it now, I'm glad I didn't jump into another relationship. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you did the wrong thing. Just don't forget about yourself. YOU'RE IMPORTANT, TOO AND YOU DESERVE YOUR LOVE FIRST! Also, independant women are VERY ATTRACTIVE!

Just don't forget yourself and you can still have fun with your new guy, ok?

Oh, and something I noticed is that I always wanted my friends around during this hard time but I didn't seem to want to talk to them. I just needed someone to be around as I sat and thought and let the emotions run their course. Things have a way of getting better.
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replied November 27th, 2007
Maddie34 wrote:
Yeah I've noticed. A friend of mine is crazy when it comes to having a boyfriend. She speed dates and always thinks the guy she's with is her soul mate and obviously comes on too strong and freaks the guy out so they break up within two months. Silly girl. She's been like that for as long as I can remember and spends a lot of the time crying and confused. I wish she'd just stay single and be happy that way!

Very confused you work fast! Very Happy
Are you going to be friends with this guy for awhile or hop into something?-- I know you said you were just talking, but I was wondering if you're planning on staying single for awhile(as in longer than 3 months) or not? It's a lot more fun then it probably sounds right now I promise! And I'm not criticizing you; I'm just curious, so please don't get upset even though my question does seem a little rude.

um well rite now i dont see being single in my future.its not that im so hung on having a guy in my life.And its that i have so much love to give and no one to really truly give it to that i wanted a baby.and im not sayin that i need a guy in my life its just that now i have some one a can truly show how much i love them... sounds weird huh??
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replied November 27th, 2007
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When did you say you wanted a baby?
No it doesn't sound weird. I've heard it many times from my friend, I still think having someone there becausee you want someone to love is a little backwards.
I only suggested that you should be single for awhile because you had a rough time leaving a guy who didn't treat you well. hehe it's just my opinion that it's important for people to be comfortable and confident on their own sometimes, but if I'm cool with you not agreeing. Maybe I'm just weird?
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replied November 27th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
No, Maddie, you're not weird. Your advice to her is straight and honest.

VeryConfused: it does sound as though you've jumped ahead of the game a little, talking about babies and having so much love to give. It usually happens the opposite way--you meet somebody, get to know them and then build up a love for them. Believe me, it's much better to find someone who is your best friend first and then go to the next level. Because if your partner is also your best friend, you can communicate, joke around and share intimacies.

As Maddie said, if you have difficulty leaving a partner who doesn't treat you well, then maybe your sights are set too low. Being single allows you to become confident on your own and that is an important thing if you are looking for someone special. Then you'll learn that you don't HAVE to have a man to be complete.
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replied November 28th, 2007
lonestarguy wrote:
No, Maddie, you're not weird. Your advice to her is straight and honest.

VeryConfused: it does sound as though you've jumped ahead of the game a little, talking about babies and having so much love to give. It usually happens the opposite way--you meet somebody, get to know them and then build up a love for them. Believe me, it's much better to find someone who is your best friend first and then go to the next level. Because if your partner is also your best friend, you can communicate, joke around and share intimacies.

As Maddie said, if you have difficulty leaving a partner who doesn't treat you well, then maybe your sights are set too low. Being single allows you to become confident on your own and that is an important thing if you are looking for someone special. Then you'll learn that you don't HAVE to have a man to be complete.

no one said that maddie was weird..i was saying wahat i said in the message sounded kind of weird.and you say that to try to be someones best friend before getting in a relationship with them do you mean literally be thier best friend or.... what you were just tryna say like get really close to them...
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replied November 28th, 2007
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hehe it's ok very confused, I know you didn't say I was weird-- I'm the one that said it and he was only assuring me Smile

I think what lonestar means is that it's a good thing to have a close friendship as a base for any romantic relationship. As friends you will share experiences, you'll know more about your partner and how he reacts to things, and you'll be able to all around read him better. There's just all these little things about a person you can only learn overtime.. A better relationship will grow and stay strong that way rather then just diving head first into something with someone you just met.

If you've found a guy you think you could really love, that's great. Imagine how much more your love would grow if you took your time and learned everything about this guy before adding the extra stuff? I've known my guy for over 5 years now but we've only officially been "together" for a little over 10 months. I took a lot of time to myself in highschool, and during that time we became better friends. We tried to date after the 2nd year of knowing eachother but I was still in my I'm-single-and-independent phase so it didn't go so well. Very Happy But we stayed close and now that we are together, I think we are stronger because we took things slow-- not that everyone needs to take things THAT slow of course.

Does that explain things a little better?
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replied November 28th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
I couldn't have said it better myself, Maddie.
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replied December 3rd, 2007
oh yea that does make a lot more sense,and plus this is something that i never tried,i meet a guy and get in a relationship if im single at that time.... so this is something that i will most definitely try the next time i meet a guy ...and what if i take it too slow and he wants to go a little faster in the relationship do i just call it quits or speed things up but just a little.
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replied December 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
You do what you feel comfortable with.

I mean, if you're looking for something meaningful then why would you stick with a guy not willing to go any speed but his own? At the very least you should both be open about things and be able to talk about what you are expecting out of the relationship at whatever point.

And I'm thinking more like, meet someone as a friend while your single. Hangout still being single in settings with other friends or just yourselves up until you feel you're at whatever point you want. Being single isn't a bad thing. I thought it was fun and in high school it was the best thing for me since then I could be with my friends more and apply myself to other things.

And aren't you with a guy right now? How's that going?
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