Shocked My wife of 2 years,diagnosed 1 year ago with bi polar, is an amazing person. She is the most interesting woman I have ever met. Intelligent, funny, kinda crazy. But I like it you know? I hate to say it but sometimes, I miss the bipolar person that I fell inlove with. She would say the most inappropriate stuff, and she was always hitting on me in front of my girlfriend at the time!! But I thought it was cute. Call me sick. I sometimes wish secretly that she could stop taking her medication because even though she was embarrassing at times and could be really mean, there was also this wonderful, loving person who just LOVED having me around. She would always tell me how much she loved me and that I was perfect, blah, blah blah. I know it was the bipolar talking, but come on, who doesnt like hearing that stuff? Anyway, I know she is not gonna stop taking medication and I know that is the right choice anyway. I just wish that it hadnt changed her into such a DIFFERENT person. For the last year I dont even feel like she is the same. Not even close. We used to be so affectionate and have sex all the time and it was great! We were just so close and everyone knew it and they would always say how perfect we were for eachother. I mean, honestly the thing I miss most is just talking. But I dont know how to bring her back from where she has gone. She has taken lamictal and seroquel and depakote and blah this and smack that. WHATEVER you know!!?? I am sick of dealing with a new person every three months because the current medication isnt working. It has really, REALLY started to get to me. Its all I think about sometimes. The other day we went out with a couple of friends and my brother and I was SO frustrated and just done, that I fought my brother! COme on! I love my brother. I am at my wits end and I miss my sweetie. Am I being stupid wishing she could stop taking her meds? I know its wrong, but I fell in love with her when she was bipolar and didnt know it. And neither did I. Honestly we did better when she was all manic and crazy. I am sure this is not common at all but I am a little nuts too, so I guess that probably has something to do with it. I gotta admit it has been the toughest relationship emotionally I have ever had. She can just say the meanest things, she always flirts and its like her way or the highway, you know? I just miss her sometimes and I will stop !**@!. I am glad this is here because I know what you all are going through. Feel free to say what you want.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied November 6th, 2007
Experienced User
i absolutely know what your talking about. when i was on medication i wanted to sleep i felt dull and i just wasnt the same. i decided to stop one day and since then ive semi changed back. i sometimes wish i was still on medication then theres times when im glad to not be on meds. meds are really important... its just something that has to be worked on till its right. you may have been happy but it can get pretty rough inside someones head that has bpd.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 7th, 2007
What Do You Mean
whay is it so hard? It seems like it would be a dream come true. It sounds like being on meth without any of the health risks. No need for sleep,heightened senses,intelligence seems very common. I am just trying to figure out how a BP thinks. Honestly. Cuz I want to face this head on. It interests me that this is a condition. Maybe you can shed some more light on what DOES go on. That would rule. Thanks for the reply.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 7th, 2007
Experienced User
thats a hard question to answer. no one is going to be the same or have the same problems, but in some way are similar. pending on the person depression can be enough to commit suicide to. thats how low and bad things can get. bpd has a high risk of suicide. also drug use as a way of self medicating (illegal,prescription,alcohol). a mania can hard for lack of sleep cause more stress to the point of walking a thin red line. its hard to explain what someone thinks that has bpd. i try but i tend to wonder off and forget. which i have to be in a good mood and have a reason. ill be back with more
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 8th, 2007
Cool
I appreciate that. Very interesting stuff.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 11th, 2007
I can totally relate.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 4th, 2013
Im BPD and well im sober. When I was diagnosed I did a lot of drugs. LSD, Mushrooms and a-!**@!-ton-of-weed. I knew dealers and I self medicated with out knowing I was BPD. I got diagnosed and they wanted me on a galaxy of uppers, downers and screamers. I told em I sobered up to handle my problems, not trade one pusher for another.

Some days I wish I was on meds. I have attempted suicide and several masochistic acts. But IM SOBER. I hold my stuff down SOBER. and Its a nightmare but I hold it down. My greatest fear, and possibly the only motivation ill ever have to take meds, is that I could freak out and accidentally hurt someone else. When I realized this I was most suicidal and self destructive. I burned the words "!**@!" into my left arm and "god" into my right with cigarettes. I did this because I would rather hurt/kill myself than someone else.

point being

Fear. Your wife is afraid. And she probably feels like she has hurt you. You cannot imagine what that is like, what that burden is for her to carry. She takes those meds for you. She handled herself with out them for years but started after meeting/marrying you. She takes them for you because she loves you and doesnt want to hurt you. I bet she feels bloated, disoriented and lacks any libido b/c of those meds but she does it because she doesnt want to hurt you.

If I ever find someone to love me I will go on light meds just to try and balance out a bit more for her.

I you ever want your wife off meds you must commit to 2 critical things that will entirely alter the rest of your life.

1) as you age your mental condition deteriorates. As people age they get things like alzheimer's. Well as she ages her mind will get worse with out meds.

2)you must commit to loving her even when she says those undeserved comments that wound your soul. Shes on meds becuase she doesnt want to hurt you. You have to prove to her you are a shield. That she cant hurt you, penetrate your shield, and that you will always protect her when she feels weak due to her disorder. Shes probably also on the meds b/c she feels you cant handle her off of them...

good luck gods speed. Hope someone can save you and me...
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know what bipolar is exactly? And what types of bipolar do doctors classify and diagnose? Learn more basics about bipolar disorder here....
Can stress put you at risk of developing bipolar disorder? Read here for information on risk factors which increase the likelihood that someone becomes bipolar....
Bipolar is difficult to diagnose as an illness ... but bipolar symptoms are usually accompanied by extreme changes. What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?...