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This is a bit of a rant.. just warning you.

Well, Jonny is moving here in 11 days. The thing is, I'm not as ecstatically happy as I should be about it.

I'm sick to DEATH of not having money. We need over a grand for a deposit on a house & that's just totally out of the question from my point of view right now.. Jonny is moving here just after he gets paid, so that's a big portion of the deposit money (I hope), but we obviously need money to live off, too. Plus he still insists on smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

What with Jenny's birthday & Christmas being just round the corner, I'm struggling. I'm trying to spread the cost of both of them, so today I bought some things for Jonny & spent about £50, & then got Jenny's birthday party dress & matching cardigan. I don't want to seem like a cheapskate mum, so the outfit isn't part of her present. For her birthday I got her a silver locket & some toys, & god knows what I'm gunna get her for xmas. Despite my total lack of money, I always want my friends & family to feel special & receive thoughtful presents from me.

The point of my post (yes I know this is getting stupidly long) is that Jonny never spends money on me, & never has. Last year I got a necklace for xmas but then didn't get a birthday present or a 5 year anniversary present (or even a card for either of those). He proposed to me in January, & I'm still waiting on the ring. I chose a fairly cheap one, too.. but he still didn't go & buy it.

I'm not selfish.. I'd much rather he spent money on Jenny than on me, but sometimes I feel like I'm not appreciated. I know he's moving from one end of the country to the other to be with me, & that's why I feel guilty for complaining.. but part of me just wishes he'd make that extra effort for special occasions.

Sorry, I'm probably just a bag of hormones, & feel free to have a go at me if you think I'm being a bitch.
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replied November 5th, 2007
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I can get what your saying totally. it seems a bit akward, jason is always buying or letting me buy things and he never buys himself anything, i had to buy him clothes! He was like ah i dont need this or that. I hate that the holidays are always expensive or seem that way. but my theory is as they get older make them understand christmas isnt about gifts. Sometimes we struggle financially and cant afford things and it shouldnt upset our kids or our family. If iw ere you id just make your family and stuff home made cards or something , or just bake them goodies and wrap em up all pretty, Alot cheaper then individural gifts.
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replied November 5th, 2007
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I don't think you're being a bitch at all about this, everyone deserves to feel appreciated from time to time!

Maybe instead of spending money on your friends & family you can make something for them. I'm no good with that though, FairyGodMother always has good gift ideas!

& don't worry if you can't get Jenny a lot for Christmas. I'm sure she'll get quite a bit from everyone else & she won't know what's going on anyway! I'd just get her clothes if she needs any, diapers, a few small toys, whatever else she may need!
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replied November 5th, 2007
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You don't sound like a !**@!. Smoking is expensive, if he has other financial priorities, such as putting together money to put down on a house, then it's silly that he's spending his money on cigarettes.

If he can afford to buy himself so many smokes he can afford to buy you something (even something little, just to show he's thinking of you) once in a while...

I don't think boys are as intune to these things as women, because we seem to know how to make people feel special, and thrive on doing it.
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replied November 5th, 2007
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tanyaface wrote:


I don't think boys are as intune to these things as women, because we seem to know how to make people feel special, and thrive on doing it.


I also think women (not saying you, Zanny!) think their men will just know intuitively what they are needing. - For instance, flowers or a little token of love. But that isn't true. Men don't know that because they aren't thinking in that way. We can't hint at it, we have to come right out and say, "GET ME SOME DARNED FLOWERS ALREADY, SHEESH!"

That taking care of others thing is part of what makes us female. And a huge part of the difference between the sexes.

Sorry if that sounds sexist, but it is true. Men don't know what we don't tell them about us. We, of course, would spend all our time analyzing him and we, in turn, would know exactly how he wants his coffee, eggs and toast in the morning. But chances are, he has never even noticed we don't eat toast. (FYI: it took my husband 12 years -I'm not even kidding!- to notice that I don't eat the mushrooms on pizza. I eat mushrooms, but I don't like it on my pizza. When he finally noticed he was like, "Huh, when did you start doing that?" I said, "I've done it forever!" He argued with me and said he never noticed it, so of course I'd always eaten them. Pfft.)

Moral of the story: If you want something from your partner, mate, husband, significant other - tell him. Smile

Also tell him if you don't like mushrooms. Because maybe he'll start to order pizzas WITHOUT them. I learned my lesson.
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replied November 5th, 2007
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yeah, i always wanna buy jason something nice, but then i never know what to buy and i ask and he doesnt tell me anything so im lost, but technically it seems retarded since it is HIS money but still lol. I hate the fact that he will let me get or get me things but never gets things for himself. Living together he needs to get his prioritues straight . Quitting smoking shouldnt be that hard, jason wants to quit and i hope he does an di am gonna as well, then thats an extra 30 bucks a month we can use for something else, and like he likes to go out and drink wich is expensive to get into the club and buy drinks there and its like sooo much cheaper to buy some and drink at home then u can slepe whenever u want lol. I think you should tell him your feelings etc. and since u will be living together u should sit down together and work out your finances as well, me and jason do that occasionally but he adds things soo weird it makes no sense for me lol.
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replied November 5th, 2007
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Ingi wrote:
tanyaface wrote:


I don't think boys are as intune to these things as women, because we seem to know how to make people feel special, and thrive on doing it.


I also think women (not saying you, Zanny!) think their men will just know intuitively what they are needing. - For instance, flowers or a little token of love. But that isn't true. Men don't know that because they aren't thinking in that way. We can't hint at it, we have to come right out and say, "GET ME SOME DARNED FLOWERS ALREADY, SHEESH!"

That taking care of others thing is part of what makes us female. And a huge part of the difference between the sexes.

Sorry if that sounds sexist, but it is true. Men don't know what we don't tell them about us. We, of course, would spend all our time analyzing him and we, in turn, would know exactly how he wants his coffee, eggs and toast in the morning. But chances are, he has never even noticed we don't eat toast. (FYI: it took my husband 12 years -I'm not even kidding!- to notice that I don't eat the mushrooms on pizza. I eat mushrooms, but I don't like it on my pizza. When he finally noticed he was like, "Huh, when did you start doing that?" I said, "I've done it forever!" He argued with me and said he never noticed it, so of course I'd always eaten them. Pfft.)

Moral of the story: If you want something from your partner, mate, husband, significant other - tell him. Smile

Also tell him if you don't like mushrooms. Because maybe he'll start to order pizzas WITHOUT them. I learned my lesson.

thats soo true, last year i kept going on about how i wanted flowes on my birthday. Needless to say he never got them he wanted to on my actual birthday but then no where was open, then he got mad about it when we were in vilsek and got me a dozen roses but then i felt crappy cuz he got mad over it so the flowers werent even worth it in the end, UGH MEN!
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replied November 5th, 2007
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Thanks for your replies.

I have spoken to Jonny, & I tell him what things I'd like as presents etc.. & I'm always going on about how much I like receiving bunches of flowers & chocolates, but the message just doesn't get through.. or he forgets *sigh*

He's so apologetic about not getting me anything, & I forgive him of course, but secretly it really upsets me. Even just a card from him would make my day.
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replied November 6th, 2007
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men find it difficult to do that i think. bobby doesn't surprise me with gifts or anything. he doesn't even surprise william but he does buy stuff for birthdays and christmases. im still waiting on my engagement ring which he said he'd get this month but he hasn't got any money left. fair enough, he pays alot of the bills, so i'm not going to be complaining. there's no point hinting you want something because they just wont understand. you have to tell him what you want otherwise it just wont happen. i hope things get better with the money situation. i know it can be hard especially this time of year
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replied November 6th, 2007
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Maybe for other people's christmas presents you could buy them online, a lot of stuff is cheaper online than in stores.

I'll remember your advice ingi!
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replied November 6th, 2007
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ugh steven doesnt ever buy me stuff. the first time i got flowers was um last week annd im having his THIRD kid lol. I got a diamond bracelet for chirstmas/anniversary but i picked it out all he did was swipe his card to the account we share. maybe we should keep a diary and leave it conviently somewhere where hed read it like i dunno the bathrom while hes poopin. then maybe theyd get the hint. smoking is super expensive. it use to drive me crazy when my friend would complain about how broke they were and yada yada but then go buy a carton of cigs.
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replied November 6th, 2007
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I understand how you feel completely. I love to give my close family nice gifts, but the fact is you have a young daughter to support. Your family would probably like something you made equally as much if not more than something you bought. You could do a picture collage for your mom that has pictures of you growing up, your siblings (if you have any), and pictures of Jenny. Maybe you could take up some kind of craft like needlepoint or cross stitch and make something like that.
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