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Concerns about eating habits and thoughts - Diabetic Family

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Hi, everyone..im new and ive never been on a forum like this...but i jus have some concerns and wat not about my eat habits and thoughts...so i thought that mayb someone can help me...

But I dont have a eating disorder...but sometimes i feel like throwing up my food because i feel like im fat...i weigh between 170-180 and im 19 and 5"4 and diabetes runs in my family...and my doctors always tell me to loose weight...because of the diabetes...and its fine but i just dont have the discipline to do it...i do a diet or i excercise for about mayb a couple of weeks or so and then i get tired of it cause i dont see a change in my body...but i guess i've always had a problem with dealing with my wieght....i use to get teased for my weight because i was little bit bigger than the others..and it lasted from 5th grade til the end of 7th grade...and it was the most horrible time in my life..it effected me so much..it still does...even though i dont get teased or anything, its jus there always a voice in my head about how im fat..it bothers me and i want to do something about it...i always bring up how fat i am and how i need to loose 30lbs....but i never do anything about it...but i thought being bulimic or anoxeric(sp?) would help it....i havent made myself thrown up ever but some days..i feel like i want to... but i dont....i sometimes go into the bathroom and i want to do it but i think of wat it could do to me....so i leave...but i dont eat breakfast...i might eat like one big meal a day and thats it....its jus a habit that i have i guess...this isnt on a regular basis but it happens sometimes...i guess u can say sometimes i strave myself cause i jus eat one big meal a day idk what you call that....but im jus tired of being like this....fat that is....i hate it...i hate my body...its sad that it effects me...all because i got made fun of in middle school..my dad sometimes says some comments that hurt me...he says it jus to mess around and i laugh it off but it still effects me...i remember this one time wen i was little like he was tickling me and he grabbed my stomach and squeezed it wen he would tickle me..its kinda hard to explain but anyways so he was playin with me...and it was hurting me at that point and i told him can u stop and he was like..."if you loose your gut i will" and it been in my mind ever since...i feel hopeless...i feel empty because i dont tell anyone how i really feel...im actually being truthful on here for the first time telling how i feel...so its kinda hard....

i jus dont know wat to do....is this any kind of a disorder? not a ED but something else mayb? im confused...do u think i could ever have one in the future..
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replied October 29th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Im not sure that your post will stay up here or not it might need editing wich i will do so in the control panel if it hasnt been accepted, in some parts it makes an impression you are asking for tips. But from my opinion with the thoughts about your body and weight etc, your on the road to an eating disorder, maybe EDNOS is better fit to what your going through i would assume. I would suggest talking to a therapist and askin them to help you find a nutritionist to help plan out your meals and eat healthier, lots for fruits and veggies, cut out soda and replace it with water, that will help alot with weight loss. No candies, cookies, chips etc stuff of that nature, if you eat out alot stop going out as well, mayb eonce a month and get something healthy. Sometimes it feels like there is nothing you can do but starve or throw up to get the weight off, you just gotta remembe rweight loss takes time you just have to be patient, i have a hard time doing that myself lol. But im alway shere if you need someone to talk to, Im working on trying to lose 30lbs , before my husband comes back. It seems like it takes forever and i have no patience whatsoever.
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replied October 30th, 2007
thanks! : ) but wat does EDNOS stand for? i dont know wat to that means...so u really think im on a road to having a eating disorder...
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replied October 30th, 2007
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I beleive that you are with the negative body image and all, and EDNOS is Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified when you dont quite fit the criterie for anorexia or bulimia.
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replied October 30th, 2007
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i also wanted to state that my dad used to mess with my sister commenting on her weight, then she became bulimic, wich is why its best to speak to someone about your issues and thoughts before anything happens!
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replied October 31st, 2007
oh okay thank you...idk its jus that sometimes i feel that way and sometimes i dont....i jus hope that i dont become bulimic or anorexic ...buthave no one really to talk about this with......i'll feel embarassed...cause my friends think im fine...and everything so i would feel uncomfortable...and about a therapist i highly doubt my parents would let me have one..if i wanted to have a therapist it would have to be a secret and that no one to know...

but yeah i do deal with negative body image...i have most of my life...i comment about myself sometimes...my friends disagree and they always think im joking wen im not...
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replied October 31st, 2007
its kinda weird to say this but..wen i loose my weight down to where i want it, i wana be able to feel my hip bone...like i can feel it wen i lay down sometimes...i dont know i want it like that...its kinda like a reminder that mayb im not that fat wen i feel it...but then i look at the rest of my body and i dont see any parts on my body that are skinny @ all...but no matter wat ppl say, i know i am fat.....
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replied December 9th, 2007
I can really relate to how you feel so hurt with the teasing from school and your dad. One of my dad's comments from YEARS ago is still grooved in my brain today. It made me feel like I'm not good enough because of my shape. Hang in there, I think you're in a good place to get some help. I don't know your age, but try a school counselor or school nurse, or if you work, there's a program called EAP that most businesses have that will refer you to free, short term therapist. You're a lot more than your shape, you're a fabulous person.
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