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Do You Feel Rejection ? (Page 1)

I am in a serious relationship with a bipolar man, we have recently moved into together. The beginning of our relationship was different than it is now, the honeymoon period never lasts forever.

There are moments when he is slap happy silly/goofy-maybe even embarrassing and then suddenly quiet and distant. In the beginning he did not display this-now it seems a daily occurrence.

I feel rejected when I see him go from social around others ( and that took alot of work ) to almost cold behind closed doors. It hurts and I feel insecure at times. Confronting him only leads to a complete shutdown which in turn makes me angry.He has commented that I should be stronger as I was in the beginning, however, he didn't act like this in the beginning. I am confused.
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First Helper valentina888
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replied October 24th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
How long you two have been together?

Did he talk to you about his disease and what to expect from his behavior?

Does he take medicines?
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replied October 24th, 2007
Dont feel rejected, It not your fault. Im bipolar and I've been married for 23 yrs. I also have 2 kids. They will tell you they haven't had an easy life living with me. They know that when I start to shut down it's time to back off and let me be alone. It took along time for my husband and kids to learn to live with me. I have gotten so bad at times that my kids had to move in with other family members til I was better. It takes a special person to live with someone (by choice) with bipolar. It takes alot of understanding. If he isn't getting help or isn't on meds. Then try talking to him about it, but only when he's happy. Do alot of reading up on the subject. Until my husband realized it was a disease and not something I could do something about on my own it was a rocky road. GL hun
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replied October 25th, 2007
My boyfriend's bipolar and yes I am feeling extremely rejected right now [he's currently shutting me out] but just remember, it'll all pass. Give him space and he'll come back to you as soon as he feels normal again.

I know it doesn't exactly do wonders for your self esteem but remember to be extremely patient and understanding. He'll come back to normal, don't worry. Just give him all the space you think he needs, and a little more for safety. It works better if they get space in bulk rather than a well meaning but irratating person constantly asking them if they're okay/cranky/mad etc.

Whatever happens, don't lose your temper or pick a fight with them. Occupy yourself with something else, read a series of books, pick up a new hobby, start going to the gym to work out all that pent up frustration and you'll be able to get through his moodswings.

goodluck!
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replied October 25th, 2007
Thank you for your responses, I definately feel better knowing that this happens with others as well.

To answer a few questions we have known each other for three years however after a brief period of dating we stopped seeing each other and I moved to another state. We have now reconnected and have been togather since June, he stays with me the majority of the month then returns home. We have talked about his disorder and his medication was adjusted I believe last week, Trileptal 600 mg and Lexapro 10mg both daily.

I have tried the technique of giving him space it seems to be working, this trip so far his mood appears much better.

There are other things that concern me, he can be quite a flirt and says things that in my opinion are out of line, he has not really evolved good social skills, and the freinds I introduce him to here accept him because I love him, but I wish he would think more before speaking. He has an easier time relating to woman than men.

As I said, I love him and am in this for the long haul...But it may be rough..I am sure I will be a regular guest here. Any thoughts on thise meds?
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replied October 25th, 2007
Experienced User
i do that really badly. its not that i dont love or dont want to be around who im with, its just that im content and i think that since ive been with her so long i dont have anything to talk about. shes put me on the spot about it before and it makes me feel awkward because i dont really know how to explain it. i also dont think before i speak... but i think of it as being straight forward and honest, sometimes its good sometimes its bad...
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replied October 26th, 2007
Flirting
wow your boyfriend and mine have a lot in common. He flirts with pretty much anything and anyone though he doesn't mean it. He's toned it down heaps since we started going out, but he never realizes when his teasing borders on flirting.

Also with my friends he's kinda like.. odd.. slightly.. maybe because he really wants them to like him? He's never himself and he's always really awkward, so consequently they all think he has a split personality disorder since he's uptight around them and really fun and friendly around me.

Talk to him about his flirting. Say it offends you, or do what I did and mirror some of his actions with a guy friend [it helps if you let him in on what you're doing] I got around this by "flirting" with a friend of mine on facebook which my boyfriend read and realized how bad it made him feel and stopped flirting as much as before.

I hope this helps!

Good luck, don't give up.. its love that keeps us all going Smile
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replied November 16th, 2007
My boyfriend too is bipolar, and a handful at that. Although I love him immensely and support him 100%. He flirts as well, lies and is socially insecure. I have read so many books on this that I feel I could write one. All you can do is look after yourself, give him his space when he needs it. I've gone from being embarrassed to confront him about things to being absolutely honest / blunt. You have to be to put things into perspective. I find the less complicated you say and make things the better. My boyfriend processes things better if I'm straight forward and honest, even if it hurts. I get hurt by what he does and says all the time. Try to learn to develop a thick skin, be honest with him and yourself and just try to do your best. I am the most patient person but most of the time my patience is worn so thin and right now I'm wondering if my relationship can conitnue due to his drug use and selfishness. We've been together for 1 1/2yrs on and off and do live together. I can tell you I've had so many wonderful times with him, lots of really unpleasant times as well. But I take things day by day and don't expect too much from him. Sad, but true. I know I deserve better and right now I'm trying to figure out my next step. It's so confusing. Only you know wether to stay with him and work things out or go.

I'm here for you.
KMS
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replied November 19th, 2007
Flirting
I am beginning to feel SO very insecure at his attentions to my female freinds. When we socialize he will completely ignore me and focus on them being the perfect host, ect. We recently purchase a small parrot which I adore and is ours, and last night he kept making comments in front of a neighbor to Leave his bird alone, he has done this with other things as well. Its almost like he is trying to embaress or hurt me..Or maybe he is kidding? Lately anything I feel in his eyes is irrational and he is right and I am wrong. When I ask a freind, even one who was around the "comment" they agree that he degrades me in a backhanded way...Its makes me more insecure and the circle goes on? I dont like what I am becoming, I am taking more anti anxiety medication just to deal with his moods.
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replied November 19th, 2007
okay I completely agree about the mood thing. His moods depress me so much that /I/ need mood stabilizers to keep up.

As for the flirting, yeah I have to go through that as well, its like he almost can't exist without flirting with girls. Even uneccesarily like when he was replying to an email a friend sent him he said "hello my stunningly gorgeous american friend" which is so useless.

Maybe its something about their bipolarity that makes them insecure and they feel the need to spread their flirting around? Just to still feel attractive/ loved/ unrestricted?

Has anyone else noticed this or are we all just lucky enough to be with the exceptions and not the rules.
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replied November 20th, 2007
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i'm a bipolar woman and i do get social and giddy when you can get me out of the house. i don't mind going the day alone though. but, i do flirt. not sure why... just always have. but now that i'm married i don't do that so much. i think it is disrespectful. then again, i was a flirt long before my disease.... how was he before?
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replied December 4th, 2007
I think at this point I am an insecure basket case, really there is no room to deal with my problems. I have a friend who knows him observe that he may be passive agressive as well, and is intentional with holding affection ect..I am not sure.

He has been away a few weeks again, last night when I asked if he was ready to come home he said no, he commented on how some freinds wanted him to go to a football game..Basically it made me feel like crap, and that he didnt care.

The B**** in wants to show him...But I love him and just want an adult grown up relationship..maybe I was just an episode, and now he is stuck..I feel miserable, i desperately need some physical contact, romance, a need to feel wanted right now. At this moment ( since now even returning a call is a game to him ) I dont know if he is at the airport or not, or what to expect when I come home. I feel like our relationship is a burden to him now. I am falling apart.
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replied December 7th, 2007
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it is very difficult to deal with bipolar. maybe he is so consumed with not hurting you and he's expressing it in a bad way - like distancing himself. he probably feels like he is the burden in the relationship, as i often do.

but realize that it does take a certain kind of person to deal with all your dealing with. and, if you find you can't because it's hurting you, don't feel obligated to stay with him. or that you have failed. you deserve to be happy too. but he is what he is... the question is can you deal... the sooner you figure this out the better.

it takes a strong willed bipolar to even deal with the illness. some people just stick their head in the sand. which does sound nice to me sometimes. but i know that ignoring the problem only makes it worse. so first, i think, ask yourself - is he dealing with his illness? if not, then you might be waiting around for years before he decides to do something about it and recognize it. you can't make him, but i know that you know that! you seem like a very smart and compasionate girl. i know he's hurting you and it sucks ass, no matter what the reason. try to take care of yourself and don't get sucked in to his illness. go out with the girls and have a bit of fun Smile or do anything that is enjoyable for you that you can do without him. i hope you can find some peace... and soon. xoxo puzzld
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replied April 13th, 2009
My bipolar boyfriend dumped me
Hi all

I feel so low at the moment. I did not see my bipolar boyfriend for 2 weeks because we both have very stressful jobs and work away, so dont see each other very much. He barely got in touch with me. When i called, he said he gets bored talking, that there is not much he has to say to me. Then this friday he ended things, saying that the spark that was there at the beginning is no longer there and its best to end it as there is not much that can be done, and if we carry on it will lead to real unhappiness and infidelity. This was all on the phone. And now I am hurting like mad. There is this pain in my heart that I cant control because he care and love him so much. He does not know much about his bipolar and does not realise that it is what is causing it. Or maybe he really does not love me. I really don't know. All I know is that it's so painful...
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replied May 4th, 2009
me too
I feel totally rejected by my bipolar II boyfriend right now. It took me a year and a half to finally come to terms with this and accept it. Up until a couple of months ago, I didn't even believe that his diagnosis was correct. I thought his psychiatrist must be a total quack. He religiously takes his meds, but even so, over the past couple of months, I have felt gradually more and more rejected. No sex, he shuts down when I try to talk to him about it (our relationship or the disorder), and it's making me turn into a person I don't even like anymore. I am not typically an emotionally needy person, and even take pride in having my own life and seeing a partner as a cherry on top of a full, productive life. Now, I'm sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. When he does call, it's the lamest 2 minute phone convo. ever. It really just feels like he doesn't give a damn about me or this relationship. I am so mad at myself for thinking this was something I could manage when he told me he had this disorder (when we first started dating). I can't separate what is the disorder and what is just our relationship going down the tubes regardless. We have GOT to get better communication going between us or this isn't going to last much longer. I can't sit around thinking about this constantly anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy constantly fretting, and now my life seems to be shutting down in all other areas too. I keep reading that if I wait it out, it will get better, but when will it happen again? Regardless of this disorder, no relationship can sustain this type of stress I don't think. Relationships are built on trust (and security), but I don't have any in him right now. ugh. I don't want to go through any more heartbreak, but I feel like it's only a matter of time.
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replied October 15th, 2009
wow i can so relate to you guys and i'm so lost i just don't know what to do sometimes it's my second time dating this guy i'm with it got better and i've learned to deal with it in an easier way at first it was about making him happy but i decided to take some pride for myself he took a lot of my time and it was good in the beginning but then all that time became overwhelming and we needed space it was just hanging out but barely talking when we did it was like a lame conversation and i felt rejected so i backed off much more than before and figured that if he really wanted to be with me he'd come after me which is what a guy likes they like the challenge so i suggest this to u guys and it worked i feel loved and when he does act like that sometimes i find things to do that make me happy i make my life productive and try not to stress over or think about the bad things cuz life happens the way it happens and you can't just sit around expecting yourself to be happy if you can't handle it then it can't be love it wasn't meant to be there are other people sometimes it takes time so you can redeem yourself and be emotionally ready
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replied October 15th, 2009
thanx satloves1, i am living and very in love with this woman who has BP, at times it has been very overwhelming. some times pain like i never felt before. right now she is extremely distant with me, has for a few days, i am giving the space, but also letting her know i am there, by telling her i love her an go do something in another room. leave her notes before i go to work saying i love her so when she gets up she has a positive message. she text me at work an told me why am i acting like everything is fine between us, we both know its not. i told her everything is fine i know you just need your space an time honey.
went on alittle more but should i give her more space, i dont push i let her come around. she has no control i know this. should i give her more space an dont do the notes or tell her i love her, guess i do it in hopes of snapping her back to us. also do alot of things so she doesn,t stress, is this good or bad.
all i know my heart is pounding so bad an its drivin me nuts inside. after reading your reply, helped me out thank you, an need to start maybe leaving an not being concerned to much about it but put in my mind she will come around, an not let it get to me so much. im trying its really freakin hard when the person you love is pushing you away an you dont know why.
thanx any additional advise would be wonderful. thank you
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replied February 3rd, 2010
It's okay :)
The more I read about this disorder, the better I feel knowing IT WASN'T ME. The similarities in our situations are startling. It's like we are all dating/married to the same person. The ONLY way we can survive, with or without our SO's is to not forget who we are.
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replied July 12th, 2010
hey nappo sorry if im too late on the reply but my boyfriend who i had been talking about i am now with for the fifth time we are totally happy and have learned more about eachother so its been an easier journey with him ive learned to just keep up with myself and do what i like to do not worrying about us all the time and if he really loves me but the truth is that he needs me there and he does love me and this is true for you and your significant other as well its just as hard for her as it is for you dont feel like you are doing everything my boyfriend started going to a psychiatrist and it worked very well for him you cant help improve her disorder on your own it will take pro help i recommend she go to weekly appointments with a psychiatrist to let out all the drama she lets out on you she only does this because you are there and you do love her however if you give her everything she wants her disorder will take control of that and wreck the relationship if you can and are up for the challenge try to be her therapist her stress reliever but its tricky you need to know the right things to say and how to say them never sound like ur getting irritated with her and never yell one of you needs to be calm if you two are going to work try to get deep into her feelings get her to open up without going overboard dont sound needy or dont say things that may trigger her anger like why wont you tell me!!! or fine im sick of trying!!!! she will feel like you the one person who has been able to handle her disorder has given up and there will be no one for her to lean on keep ur cool and keep up with yourself (:
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replied July 21st, 2010
Is anyone out there? I notice some of these posts were made a long time ago.
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