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He Moved to University and I'm Jealous

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im 16, my boyfriend is 2 years older and recently moved to university about 2/3 hours away. i get jelous of what hes doing and who he is doing it with and all the house party's etc.
we spent so much time together and we had been together just over a year. i wish i could have him back, i see him every 2weeks on average. i miss him so much and i hate him not being around.
it has broke my heart. should i stick with him or move on?
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replied October 18th, 2007
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You can't hate him for wanting to Go to college and make something of himself. Trust him, that's the most important thing in a relationship...but if he does anything to hurt you, like cheat etc. You know what you have to do. I always go into a relationship thinking "I'm gonna love this person with all my heart... But I'm keeping my soul to myself" you know how they say love someone with all your heart and soul...nope. But that's jus how I think. Jus keep your head up and have self respect in yourself. If he messes up its done and over.
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replied October 18th, 2007
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I agree with lady. Trust him as long as you feel he deserves that trust. I'm in the whole long distance thing too. Talk on the phone a lot and enjoy the times together that you can. Sometimes distance(physical, not emotional) is good, it gives you time to become independent. You're young! Hang with your friends and have fun!

Long distance relationships are hard. You need to communicate really well and put a lot of time into it. So if he's not willing to take some time out of his schedule for you-- or maybe if you feel like its not worth it-- then don't waste your time. It just depends on how much you both put into it.
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replied October 19th, 2007
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Re: He Moved to Uni
Speaking from "the other side" (IOW, having gone through what you have), I feel that there is a maturity difference between a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old. I'm not calling you "immature" by any means but it's been my observation that a 16-year-old in the throes of romance can become somewhat possessive and more than a little insecure.

By the time one is 16, one hasn't developed a "self-concept"--defining one's self in terms of one's self. Not "I am his girlfriend" or "I am somebody's daughter" but "I am a strong person and can accept (but not necessarily like) practically anything that comes my way".

When one gets older, one doesn't necessarily feel as though s/he has to be around the "beloved" all the time. The two are comfortable and secure enough in the relationship that they can be apart for a period of time (not defined) and know that everything is all right.

I was a couple of years younger than my Significant Other when I went away to Uni (and we're talking over 30 years ago). I was about three hours away and there was no way I could see him as often as you see yours. I was lucky if I saw him once every couple of months. It killed me in the beginning but I got used to it. I felt secure enough and he never gave me any inclination to feel otherwise.

Did you talk about this before he went away? If not, and this is really bothering you then the next time you see him you really need to discuss this. No accusations, nothing to make him defensive, just calmly explain to him your feelings. If he cares enough about you he'll do what he can to assuage your fears.

He's in a new atmosphere where he'll meet women his age and make friends with them. If that thought sends you into a frenzy then there is something seriously wrong. You can't expect that he'll cut himself off from 50% of the population whilst he's there no more than he would expect you to cut yourself off from 50% of the population.

I suggest that you find something else to occupy your mind--if you're in school, buckle down to your studies. Hang out with your friends, start an exercise regimen, just anything to get rid of the insecurity and the unhappiness that goes with it.

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep posting.
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replied October 20th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
If you don't think you can handle the distance and you spend your days worrying, I think you should move on because I doubt you'd suddenly stop worrying after his 150th time going to house parties and meeting another beautiful college girl. If you are secure enough, then by all means, make the distance but another test for your relationship with him. As the others said, if you think you can handle the distance, trust him and try to enjoy yourself.

Only you would/should know whether or not he is the type of guy that would... drift. Think about how he acts when he is drunk, and how often he likes to go out before/after his transition to the uni. If he is a good responsible guy, then I don't see a problem with trying this out. If not... well lets just say I knew a few younger girl/guy in college couples, they never worked out. I'm not speaking on the behalf of all guys, but I imagine for those who are less strong willed, some image of a girl you care for but is oh so far away.. suddenly might be a bit hazy when your chatting away with 3 hot partially drunk beautiful girls right in front of you in a party. So you are going to have to ask yourself if he is loyal enough.

Haha, NOOO for those of you thinking "oy this guy must have cheated on his girl" I didn't do that, I never had a girl, but it has occurred many times I imagine.

Good luck, and hope you make the right decision.
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replied October 24th, 2007
Thanks
thanks for your help
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