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My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed

My boyfriend recently told me his feelings for me had changed. We had been together for 2 years, living together for 1.5 years. He has partially moved out and will be completely moved out by the end of the month. He still calls me a few times a week and wants to hang out. He said he was feeling smothered living together and needed to get out and get some space. I never saw this coming and really felt he was the guy I was going to be with forever. I have good days and I have bad days. I don't know what to do though. There are days I just can't focus and I don't want to eat. When I am out with friends and have other distractions I feel much better, but its impossible to be out and with other people all the time. I just recently decided to seek counseling but I couldn't get an appointment till next week. If anyone has any guidance it would be greatly appreciated. Oh Im 28 and he is 31, and this isn't my first break-up. If I knew he hated me things would be alot easier to get over and move on, but I think knowing he still loves me and still cares for me makes it a lot harder.
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replied September 20th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
miserable79 wrote:
My boyfriend recently told me his feelings for me had changed. We had been together for 2 years, living together for 1.5 years. He has partially moved out and will be completely moved out by the end of the month. He still calls me a few times a week and wants to hang out. He said he was feeling smothered living together and needed to get out and get some space. I never saw this coming and really felt he was the guy I was going to be with forever. I have good days and I have bad days. I don't know what to do though. There are days I just can't focus and I don't want to eat. When I am out with friends and have other distractions I feel much better, but its impossible to be out and with other people all the time. I just recently decided to seek counseling but I couldn't get an appointment till next week. If anyone has any guidance it would be greatly appreciated. Oh Im 28 and he is 31, and this isn't my first break-up. If I knew he hated me things would be alot easier to get over and move on, but I think knowing he still loves me and still cares for me makes it a lot harder.



i think right now you both need space, to take time to yourselves,
you both have a lot to think about
if he keeps calling you, he does still have feelings for you, after all its not that easy to get over someone so fast.
maybe by having some space, this will out work out good for you.
the same thing has happened to me and my boyfriend and after not being with him for a while things worked out great.

i hope everything happens the way you want it to. you can always keep posting on here and ill try to help you the best i can Smile
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replied September 20th, 2007
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
How did you manage to deal with not being with him or at least deal with the uncertainty of being with him? My main concern is that I was and still am completely heartbroken about what he said and losing him. He was my best friend. But at the same time I'm afriad that one day he is going to say I really have thought about things and I don't want to be with you. Im just scared Im going to have these feelings all over again. I love him and I do see us together, but I don't want to feel like I wasted my time waiting around for him either...does that make sense?
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replied September 20th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
miserable79 wrote:
How did you manage to deal with not being with him or at least deal with the uncertainty of being with him? My main concern is that I was and still am completely heartbroken about what he said and losing him. He was my best friend. But at the same time I'm afriad that one day he is going to say I really have thought about things and I don't want to be with you. Im just scared Im going to have these feelings all over again. I love him and I do see us together, but I don't want to feel like I wasted my time waiting around for him either...does that make sense?


i just realized life goes on. i tried to keep myself occupied and after a while we hung out and it was like we were back to normal.
right now hes living 3 hours away from me and its hard. but i know once i can get through this i can get through everything.

but i also learned that making a guy a priority isn't a good thing, theres more to life then boys.
like example.. yourself, you should care about yourself before anything else.

if you guys stay together, it was meant to be and if you dont stay together, then it wasn't and you just have to pick up and move on with life.

but i really do hope things work out good for you Smile
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replied September 20th, 2007
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
I am working on keeping myself busy that is for sure. Its just hard with not living all that close to some of my really good friends. And I think the fact that we lived together made things harder on me as well. Like I said before he hasn't moved everything out yet. So I go home and Im still surrounded by some of his things. Im hoping once he does get everything out of there things will get better and easier for me to deal with. I am working on focusing more on myself. I always kind of did that though, but even the things that I did have interest in doing that he didn't, I have a hard time focusing on. I loved going to the gym and working out, kickboxing, ect, but now I have to force myself to be there.
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replied September 20th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
miserable79 wrote:
I am working on keeping myself busy that is for sure. Its just hard with not living all that close to some of my really good friends. And I think the fact that we lived together made things harder on me as well. Like I said before he hasn't moved everything out yet. So I go home and Im still surrounded by some of his things. Im hoping once he does get everything out of there things will get better and easier for me to deal with. I am working on focusing more on myself. I always kind of did that though, but even the things that I did have interest in doing that he didn't, I have a hard time focusing on. I loved going to the gym and working out, kickboxing, ect, but now I have to force myself to be there.


i dont have any friends left here, they all moved to school and eventually just stayed there.
i clean, read, come on ehealth, look for a job, go for walks.. listen to music, pretty much anything i can do to keep my mind from wondering
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replied September 20th, 2007
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
I guess things all just take time. I just remember being back in college and breaking up with a guy wasn't the end of the world. People were always around 24/7 to hang out with, talk to, etc. Now as we get older it just makes things harder to be alone.
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replied September 26th, 2007
men have one intention to break our hearts if he stll loves and cares for you his feeling havwnt changed you can fix anything through love i hate men wish i were a lezbo lol)
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replied September 26th, 2007
Experienced User
I believe you need to give each other a little space and then at some point have a long talk about everything in your relationship.

and ouch diamond, that one stung. I've always been the heartbreakee Sad
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replied September 26th, 2007
Experienced User
diamondsimone wrote:
men are suckers withone intention to break our hearts if he stll loves and cares for you his feeling havwnt changed you can fix anything through love i hate men wish i were a lezbo lol)

as a guy, i wish you were one too. We dont need to meet someone like you that already has it in her head, that she hates guys. I wish you would put the fact that you hate guys on your forehead, so we can avoid you at all costs.
Behind every bad man is a woman who made him that way.
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replied September 26th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
miserable79 wrote:
My boyfriend recently told me his feelings for me had changed. We had been together for 2 years, living together for 1.5 years. He has partially moved out and will be completely moved out by the end of the month. He still calls me a few times a week and wants to hang out. He said he was feeling smothered living together and needed to get out and get some space. I never saw this coming and really felt he was the guy I was going to be with forever. I have good days and I have bad days. I don't know what to do though. There are days I just can't focus and I don't want to eat. When I am out with friends and have other distractions I feel much better, but its impossible to be out and with other people all the time. I just recently decided to seek counseling but I couldn't get an appointment till next week. If anyone has any guidance it would be greatly appreciated. Oh Im 28 and he is 31, and this isn't my first break-up. If I knew he hated me things would be alot easier to get over and move on, but I think knowing he still loves me and still cares for me makes it a lot harder.

sorry to hear that, but if a guy loves you and wants to be with you, he wouldnt move out. Hes being nice towards you and your feelings and is not being a complete scumbag about it. You should start dating and seeing other guys, maybe that way he would realize what he has.
good luck.
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replied September 28th, 2007
my bf of 6yrs just left today after telling me he has to find out if i'm the one. how do not know after 6yrs.
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replied September 28th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
bvkp2001 wrote:
my bf of 6yrs just left today after telling me he has to find out if i'm the one. how do not know after 6yrs.


that was an excuse
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replied September 28th, 2007
why don't they give us some clue they are not happy?
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replied October 8th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: My Boyfriend Said His Feelings Changed
miserable79 wrote:
I guess things all just take time. I just remember being back in college and breaking up with a guy wasn't the end of the world. People were always around 24/7 to hang out with, talk to, etc. Now as we get older it just makes things harder to be alone.


3 weeks later now! Are you over it yet I wonder. If you are an attractive girl, you will have no problem finding a replacement. If he told you why he was leaving, use that info. to your advantage next time around. Either change or find someone who is compatible with your idiosyncracies.

Good Luck!
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