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Sad - I thing I'm ugly - Low self esteem

Recently I've gone through a string of medical 'problems' from a cancer scare (came back negative) to a SLAP tear in my labrum which will require surgery probably. As of late I've been feeling more and more down as opposed to the summer and beginning of the school year where I was very happy. Many of my friends call me ugly, I'm not sure if they're joking around or not because a lot of them do - but as I look back on old pictures of me I've found that I was actually handsome even though back then I always had low self esteem and just assumed everyone was correct in calling me ugly despite what I saw in the mirror, etc... some of my friends just out of the blue make fun of my looks - I don't know whether it's to make me get mad or something but it doesn't seem like it has a place in the conversation when they do it so I feel as if they are being honest... like for example my one friend out of the blue said "imagine if (i) had a sister. she would be so butt." and things like that... When I was very young I got a scar on my cheek via a dog bite - every kid made fun of me and I always find myself reverting to that one point in time as if I can't get past it because it seemingly altered my life so much. Now a days in comparison to pictures from only a few years back when I was 18 (I'm 20 now) I see two totally different people - the old, more normal looking me - and now a days through digital cameras whenever my friends bring them around I see a totally different person - a very ugly person in my opinion. My mother swears and tells me that I'm not ugly - but whenever I go out I always feel like my looks scare people away from talking to me. I feel as if I'm "past my prime" and I have no reason to go forward even though I have many positive attributes to myself - It's hard for me to interact socially because I, for the most part, depending on my mood, have a very closed personality. I've had girls talk to me and sort of ask me out but I've never actually been able to go up to a girl and get her to go out with me... my mother tells me I should try out to be a model but I still look so horribly bad in pictures compared to a mirror - I'm just really confused as to what I look like - I feel as if I'll never actually know. All of this confusion drives me mad and I get so down on myself over it. I have to goto class right now I just wanted to get this out... maybe I'll finish my story later.
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replied September 20th, 2007
I know how it is to feel ugly, and be told that you'e ugly. But if my friends had said such things to me! I'd... i don't know what I'd do really, but they certinally aren't good freinds treating you that way.

You said you've had girls ask you out. - That's something, isn't it? I'm 23 and no one's ever asked me out.

guess what I'm trying to say is:

You are NOT as ugly as you imagine
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replied April 2nd, 2008
hey!!
you are not ugly!!..im really shocked that your so called 'friends' called you UGLY...to me...that aint how friends are supposed to act!

it seems to me that it is due to your friends that you have this lack of confidence...the best advice i can give you is avoid those poepl in your life that belittle you and make you feel uncomfortable..they are not worth you time and effort. It could be seen that your friends may actually be jealous of you...that is why they constantly pick on you.

lol...you cant be that ugly if girls have been asking you out! they obviously found you attractive otherwise they wouldnt have!

Dont lose hope on yourself...you just need the right people around you, the right 'friends'. Try to stick with people who are more optimistic and friendly, because they can affect the mood you are in.

I totally rate your mom for the support she has given you. Maybe its time you followed her advice and loved yourself for the way to are. You dont need to change for anybody.

and to be fair...what is the definition of ugly??...everyone has there own opinions on that....so not everyone is going to see you as ugly...some people may actually find you sexy =]

Next time you look in the Mirror, tell yourself that you are a good looking person, and you deserve happiness.

because..."A Moment Spent Sad Is A Moment Of Happiness Lost"

hope i helped x x
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replied April 6th, 2008
Experienced User
Your friends might not realize that they're hurting your feelings and might see it as innocent fun. Maybe you should tell them you're a bit sensitive about your looks, and if they still don't shut up then ditch them becasuse they're not worth your time. Sometimes people say things that might be mean because they think they're being clever.
Also, not to make your problem sound less serious or anything, but you might be perceiving the reactions of others as negative because you believe that you are ugly. So you might pick up on some things people say and read a little deeper into it than you normally would, and you might see yourself differently in photos from a few years ago because then you weren't so insecure. It's hard to explain, I hope you know what I'm getting at. I'll demonstrate with an example. I was at a party with me ex and his family, and there was nibbles on the table, you know tortilla chips and stuff, and since I hadn't eaten all day I took a few handfuls. Later on they were joking around and said they needed more tortillas and his mam says 'that's because mandy's had about 3 bags' in a jokey way. Normally, this wouldn't bother me because that's just what they're like and it was in fun, but at the time I was very sensitive about my weight and was quite offended. Maybe the same thing is going on with your friends. It might be totally innocent to them, but the only way you'll know is to challenge them about it.
I know what you mean about the mirror/photos thing. There's time when I'll get ready and think I look great in the mirror, and then I catch myself later on in a mirror or someone takes a photo and I look completely different. I don't know which is more accurate, so it is hard to know how others actually see you.
Being told that youre ugly, especally by people close to you, makes you believe it. But they were being immature, and because of this your self esteem has suffered. Don't let it get to you, and definitely don't let it stop you from having fun. As the others said, you need to be around the right people, who will make you forget about what others have said to you. You need confidence in yourself, and try to focus on your other good points. You said yourself you had many, and that in itself makes you a better person. You perceive yourself as ugly because of what others have said, and you need to push these things out of your mind and move on.
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replied November 7th, 2009
everything you said is wat i think and wat i do but my friendes dot tell me im ugly cause if they do i beat them up
your not ugly soe people thnk your ugly others think your sexy im 14 years old and i think im ugly to and that makes me mad and sad
and i look in the mirror every seconde :S
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replied November 9th, 2009
Hey bro, your not ugly, and those people arent your friends if they are always making fun of you. It probably not the best advice, but i would come back with something harsh every time one of them said something. Sooner or later theyd get sick of their own feelings getting hurt and theyd quit that crap. The worst thing someone can do is make fun of the way someone looks, nobody likes that. I know its been said a million times, but beauty is only skin deep, but its true. But like i said, you arent ugly cause your a nice person. Only mean people are ugly.
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replied May 23rd, 2010
ugly. i dont think so.
i feel ugly as well. i cry every night and i pray to God to change the way i look. i have two sisters; an older one and a younger one. i feel that theyre both so beautiful and i'm the odd one out. i hate going out with them because i feel so out of place and i feel that people pay more attention to them than they do me. but my friends tell me i'm beautiful, once,a stranger at a shop came to me and told me i was very beautiful and my flatmates tell me im beautiful. i dont know why i find it hard to believe them though. i guess bad things are easier to believe than good. i still have this problem; some days are better than others. but ive realised that in life, you CAN NOT please everyone. someone will always dislike you, no matter how close you are to perfect. YOU ARE NOT UGLY, I AM NOT UGLY.WE do not have beauty issues, people just have issues with our beauty. take care and remember you are not alone. much love xxxxx
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