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*interracial Dating* (Page 1)

I am currently in an interracial relationship. I am white, and my boyfriend is half white, half samoan/black(although everything about him besides his skin color is white). I love him so much - he makes me happy, we have a lot in common, he's supportive, respectful, funny, caring, fun to be around...Everything I could possibly ask for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own personal character flaws (which everyone has), we have an almost perfect relationship...Except for the fact that my parents are very unsupportive of it. His family is great, and all of our friends think nothing of it. We do have a good hours distance between us, and he is 4 years older (i'm 1Cool, but neither of those factors affect us (except that we miss each other and and can't see each other every day). I do not know how to get through to my parents, and I am feeling really betrayed by them. They seem to care more about what other people think than what makes me happy. We have been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I am only getting closer to him. It hurts me that they won't open their minds a little to give him a chance, and it hurts him because they have no interest in getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end right now, because I feel like I have to chose between my family and my boyfriend. If anyone has any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated. I also want to know what the forum members feel about interracial relationships, and multiracial children. Any input would be great, thank you.
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First Helper snowangel451
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replied March 18th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I say if he makes you happy, go for it. My parents don't support inter-racial relationships either, which I guess is ok because my b/f and my son are both 100% white. Lol. But I have no problem with it and don't see why society does. In a world of free will and freedom to do as you please, you are limited by the invisible restraints of ethnic beliefs. But I say go for it. Your family may eventually accept it. Maybe not support it or be happy with it, but accept it. Hope everything goes well. And by the way, I think bi-racial children can be so pretty! Look at tyra banks! Gorgeous!
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replied March 18th, 2004
Experienced User
Yeah, I know where you are coming from, my parents told me they would dissown me if I ever dated a person of another race. Im sorry that you have to go through that, but sometimes you gotta just go with the flow, and eventually they will except him.
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replied April 22nd, 2004
Do What You Want
Im white and dating a chinese person. Who I love greatly and has enhanced my life in so many ways. At first my parents were very unsuportive with this, and kept asking why I would want to date someone who is a different race. I told them that it would be the same type of choice if I decided to date another girl... Personal reason, and ccause I liked who he is. Over the next few months I made sure I brought him home a few times so my parents could meet him. And eventually they also began to see past his race. Just show the people who disagree that he is a wonderful person. Allow them to see what u saw, then they might beable to think the in same way. But most of all dont think differently becuase of what your parents think. If u let them change ur mind, u will only regret it in the future
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replied April 25th, 2004
Re: *interracial Dating*
rocketfire114 wrote:
i am currently in an interracial relationship. I am white, and my boyfriend is half white, half samoan/black(although everything about him besides his skin color is white). I love him so much - he makes me happy, we have a lot in common, he's supportive, respectful, funny, caring, fun to be around...Everything I could possibly ask for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own personal character flaws (which everyone has), we have an almost perfect relationship...Except for the fact that my parents are very unsupportive of it. His family is great, and all of our friends think nothing of it. We do have a good hours distance between us, and he is 4 years older (i'm 1Cool, but neither of those factors affect us (except that we miss each other and and can't see each other every day). I do not know how to get through to my parents, and I am feeling really betrayed by them. They seem to care more about what other people think than what makes me happy. We have been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I am only getting closer to him. It hurts me that they won't open their minds a little to give him a chance, and it hurts him because they have no interest in getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end right now, because I feel like I have to chose between my family and my boyfriend. If anyone has any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated. I also want to know what the forum members feel about interracial relationships, and multiracial children. Any input would be great, thank you.




i think that as long as he respect you and treat you like a lady should be treated then to hell with what anyone say or think. As long as you are happy that is all that matters because life is to short and you can not please everybody all the time so please yourself now. Me personally I do not have a problem with interracial dating. Good luck and keep me posted. :d
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replied May 10th, 2004
Well
Parents opinions arent always right, if you guys are happy, who cares what anyone else thinks? Adventually they will hopefully come around, but if they don't, dont' worry about it because you need to concentrate on the relationship, not what other people think about it
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replied June 10th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Hey hun im white and my boyfriend is black and our son is black and white.....Well my parents have been against our relationship from the very beginning and when I got pregnant they tried to keep us from seeing or talking to eachother......If u really care for eachother u wont let ur parents opinions stand in the way....I kno its hard my parents dont even invite him to dinner when they invite my other two sisters b/fs to dinner tehy absolutely hate him and im staying w/ them for right now till we get our own place so he comes over and visits..They just snub him off they are the biggest !**@! e s towards him they never gave him a chance!! They wont now even tho hes there grandsons father.....But u kno wat we love eachother and were not letting that stand in the way of our relationship.
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replied July 3rd, 2004
Good ?
Hey everyone, I just had a question that came to mind..........How come that you see soooo many more white girls w/ black guys.......Than.........White guys w/ black girls. I personally dont have a problem with whatever. Just thought I could see what some of your thoughts where on that. All welcome to respond. Later, j
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replied July 29th, 2004
Experienced User
Inter-racial Relationships Are Tough.
It kind of depends where you live.
If mixed couples are respected then you do get a more even mix.

Many black girls feel disrespected by the white boys, and are unwilling to get into an unequal relationship. Many white guys don't want to deal with the anger of black males who feel they are taking advantage of the girl.

The power balance between a white girl and a black guy is a little more easy for everyone to accept, except for maybe the parents. Parents always have difficulty dealing with this situation.
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replied December 9th, 2004
I remember having a(n italian) guy come up into a club and we chatted about this, that and the other thing. He mentioned that white guys are sometimes afriad to approach black girls cause they're scared of the reaction (attitude?) they may get. Question
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replied January 7th, 2005
Re: *interracial Dating*
rocketfire114 wrote:
i am currently in an interracial relationship. I am white, and my boyfriend is half white, half samoan/black(although everything about him besides his skin color is white). I love him so much - he makes me happy, we have a lot in common, he's supportive, respectful, funny, caring, fun to be around...Everything I could possibly ask for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own personal character flaws (which everyone has), we have an almost perfect relationship...Except for the fact that my parents are very unsupportive of it. His family is great, and all of our friends think nothing of it. We do have a good hours distance between us, and he is 4 years older (i'm 18), but neither of those factors affect us (except that we miss each other and and can't see each other every day). I do not know how to get through to my parents, and I am feeling really betrayed by them. They seem to care more about what other people think than what makes me happy. We have been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I am only getting closer to him. It hurts me that they won't open their minds a little to give him a chance, and it hurts him because they have no interest in getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end right now, because I feel like I have to chose between my family and my boyfriend. If anyone has any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated. I also want to know what the forum members feel about interracial relationships, and multiracial children. Any input would be great, thank you.


i am in your exact same situation! X_x I am 18, white, and my boyfriend is black (although he comes from a good family with money and education) and we also live about 2 hours apart.

My parents don't agree with it, well, mostly my mother, and I am extremely torn. We have been dating for well over 2 years now (started online, became offline about 5 months ago) and he is my best friend in the world. I love him to pieces despite knowing that I am young and unsure as to exactly what I want in a lifelong mate.

I love how everyone says to "just forget about what your parents say" and that "it shouldn't matter what everyone else thinks" because I know, it does matter a great deal. There's nothing better than being able to make decisions with your parents supporting you. In our cases, our parents don't support us and this is very difficult and emotionally trying. There are some things that our parents will never be able to accept fully - they are a different generation than us and of a different time when interracial relationships were very uncommon and looked down upon.

I'm not sure what i'm going to do in this situation either - my parents have yet to meet my boyfriend. However from what it sounds like they don't really care what kind of person he is - they don't even care to see all the great qualities that I see. All they care about is the fact that he is black and therefore life would be too hard for me if we were to get married and have kids. Which is probably true, but what they don't realize is that we are young and we want to explore our lives. We're definitely not talking about settling down anytime soon (and we shouldn't, come on, we're still 18!) but my parents don't see that.

All I can do to help you is to tell you to hang in there. Please remember you're not alone - I think if more people like us got together and talked about our race-related issues, it would make us feel better. But until it happens, just know that you're not totally alone. Others probably have it worse than we do (like what if our boyfriend's family didn't agree with it either?! Wouldn't that be terrible?) so I suppose we can just comfort ourselves in that.
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replied January 29th, 2005
Experienced User
I believe I might be able to provide some insight from a male's perspective here.

Although i'm born and raised canadian, (heck i'm listening to aerosmith now), my parents are caribbean giving me a tanned complexion. By the time I was 21, I already spent 9 years in long term relationships with girls of another race than my own. (either white or asian). Since I was 21 i've dated (both casually and seriously) a good 80-100 girls of mixed races. (i.E. British, australian, canadian, italian, portuguese, irish, american, chinese, etc.) i've never dated a girl my own race.. Ever. (go figure)

anyway, my parents are fine with me dating girls of almost any race.. (save for blacks). I've been in relationships where the parents didn't agree with me for one reason or another.

There are two things which need to be understood here. Number one is, your family is very important and their opinions do matter. They are from another time where this multicultural society didn't exist... All this multiculturalism is very very recent. Their ideals and morals are different, and there is nothing wrong with this. It's not racism, it's preference based on their own life experiences and upbringing. You can't blame them for feeling this way. It can even be threatening to them, or shameful to extended family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)

if your parents don't agree with it and you know they never will... Then honestly, you have a big decision to make. The family stress will hinder your relationship on various levels. It will cause problems and bring you down from what would normally be a healthy relationship. This weight on your shoulders will be with you all the time. Imagine the tension if you two ever got married. If you cry on your wedding, it should be tears of joy.

However, it's possible for some parents to come around. Eventually i've always been accepted by parents. Typically because I come from a decent family, very well raised, I work hard, and do well in school. All these influces usually rub off on their daughter and sooner or later I hear praises on how well she's doing in school, how much she calmed down, how much more polite she is, or how they've never seen her reading a book for fun before. Usually when they make this association of the boyfriend being a positive influence on their daughter, they seem to lighten up. It also helps that I made an effort to learn more about their culture, or to be a positive part of their lives. In the end, it always worked out for me... So it is possible for parents to come around. But as I said, some parents are predisposed to other thoughts and changing that can prove very difficult if not impossible.

I think there is nothing wrong with multicultural children, some are very beautiful. And I like the idea of children being raised without this bias towards a single culture (their own) but being more open to the world. On the other hand, i'd like if some people also retained some "purebred" children. Cultures are important to keep too, they are our roots.
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replied January 29th, 2005
Experienced User
I believe I might be able to provide some insight from a male's perspective here.

Although i'm born and raised canadian, (heck i'm listening to aerosmith now), my parents are caribbean giving me a tanned complexion. By the time I was 21, I already spent 9 years in long term relationships with girls of another race than my own. (either white or asian). Since I was 21 i've dated (both casually and seriously) a good 80-100 girls of mixed races. (i.E. British, australian, canadian, italian, portuguese, irish, american, chinese, etc.) i've never dated a girl my own race.. Ever. (go figure)

anyway, my parents are fine with me dating girls of almost any race.. (save for blacks). I've been in relationships where the parents didn't agree with me for one reason or another.

There are two things which need to be understood here. Number one is, your family is very important and their opinions do matter. They are from another time where this multicultural society didn't exist... All this multiculturalism is very very recent. Their ideals and morals are different, and there is nothing wrong with this. It's not racism, it's preference based on their own life experiences and upbringing. You can't blame them for feeling this way. It can even be threatening to them, or shameful to extended family members (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)

if your parents don't agree with it and you know they never will... Then honestly, you have a big decision to make. The family stress will hinder your relationship on various levels. It will cause problems and bring you down from what would normally be a healthy relationship. This weight on your shoulders will be with you all the time. Imagine the tension if you two ever got married. If you cry on your wedding, it should be tears of joy.

However, it's possible for some parents to come around. Eventually i've always been accepted by parents. Typically because I come from a decent family, very well raised, I work hard, and do well in school. All these influces usually rub off on their daughter and sooner or later I hear praises on how well she's doing in school, how much she calmed down, how much more polite she is, or how they've never seen her reading a book for fun before. Usually when they make this association of the boyfriend being a positive influence on their daughter, they seem to lighten up. It also helps that I made an effort to learn more about their culture, or to be a positive part of their lives. In the end, it always worked out for me... So it is possible for parents to come around. But as I said, some parents are predisposed to other thoughts and changing that can prove very difficult if not impossible.

I think there is nothing wrong with multicultural children, some are very beautiful. And I like the idea of children being raised without this bias towards a single culture (their own) but being more open to the world. On the other hand, i'd like if some people also retained some "purebred" children. Cultures are important to keep too, they are our roots.
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replied June 25th, 2005
Its So Wrong!
I met my fiancee online 4 years ago,i dreamed of meeting him one night and I did meet him.....With the owrds"who are you" my reply?"who are you?"....He is north american native,he a grass dancer and has taken me to many powwows and ceremonys I am australian and my mother is very supportive and proud my grandfather I feel is not sure and I myself have felt discrimmination because im with a different race and out children are mixed....I feel that love has no colour only the feeling has a colourand that colour is joy....We all have the same colour blood..We are one
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replied November 6th, 2005
So that's why my white male friends are afraid to approah me.I'm a black female.
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replied December 10th, 2005
Man, who cares what anyone thinks. That's exactly how I felt when I got with my boyfriend. I'm mexican and he is black and we have 4 beautiful girls together. My family didn't like it. But oh well. That's why as soon as I turned 18 I got my own place. It's just takes parent's a lot of time. They still don't love him like I wish they would, but they accept him and treat him like guest. So don't even trip, just follow your heart.
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Users who thank missbon8 for this post: Millie10 

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replied December 17th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
I would definetly continue with the guy if he is good, doesn't matter what his parents think. They will accept it eventually.
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replied January 14th, 2006
I am currently in this same exact situation. I am colombian and my boyfriend of 4 and 1/2 years is black. I try to envision what my future will be like, and it is a scary sight. I love my boyfriend very much, but I also love my parents. I think my parents would get so embarrassed of me dating out of my race that they would forget about what makes me happy.

I honestly do not know where my life is heading at this point because I am only 18, but I am making sure that before I make any decision between my boyfriend and my family that I have a solid foundation financially so that I could become 100% independent. It is very difficult to be in an interracial relationship, but you can't help you who fall in love with. I say to make sure that you keep yourself focused on your life to make sure that when something happens, you can hold your own. Keep me posted...
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replied January 14th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
I am sorry, I did not read all of the comments so I am sure this is already been said but the color of anyones skin doesnt make them less human.

If someone in your family feels that because his skin doesnt look "right" he isn't right. You should make them feel like the animal that they have made you significant other into. I despise the fact that some think people should "stick in their race" no one is pure anything, at one point or another we were all in cultures of nomads.


There were culturistic empires through the ages and there has been lots and lots of mixing, no one is 100% anything but human!
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replied January 14th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I agree but here is the difference

i am mixed french/italian and my husband is filipino(asian) most cultures are very closed in because of what the parents teach their children and this makes a mixed relationship almost impossible. Italian, portuguese spanish etc usually carry a tradition and the parent/grandparents are willing to enforce this sometimes at any cost. Now I know this sounds bad but I had two choice one day get kicked out and live with my bf or breakup and stay with my nona(grandma) anyways I left because I felt our relationship had potential and he took me in. Im 22 married and my grandma has now forgiven my hubby although it took time once I stood up to my family they gave me the respect I deserved.

If you feel he is a good man then stand up for him and leave your parents breathless sometime old fashoined ppl need a wake up call, they need to understand that although were young were still able to make decisions for ourselves..

Best of luck
dont ever be afraid to confront someone if they judge you
jess
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