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Obsessive Jealousy After Bf's Obsessive Love

My current boyfriend (26) was experiencing obsessive love towards his ex, because she broke up with him. I (19) had the pleasure of meeting her, because they were still friends when my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. I immediately became uncomfortable with the situation. He told me he loved her (as a friend). When she came to visit him, I was on vacation in Germany. This allowed me to believe that they could have messed around. He told me she is married. I retorted, "that doesn't matter to some people."
He tried to assure me that nothing happened. I however kept bringing the issue up, over and over again. I read his emails, and could tell that he had been obsessed with her. He later confessed that he had felt that way. He even had a rebound girl after her.
I cannot quite get over this. When I finally came back from Germany, she was still there, and I got to meet her. We didn't exchange many words. At one point she said, "I always kick his butt when we wrestle." So I knew they wrestled, and were quite comfortable around each other. It didn't seem right, the two of them alone in his bedroom wrestling. Were they really just being friends? Am I being too paranoid?
After I cried so many times to my boyfriend about how I feel, he said he wouldn't contact her anymore. I am having so much trouble trusting him, which isn't healthy in a relationship. I have constant dreams of him cheating on me, and being whipped by her. I wake up angry, and I'll tell him about it. I'm obsessed with this jealousy issue, because he was obsessed with her. I constantly feel like I am not as precious to him as she was/is. The fact that I dream about it doesn't help. I have considered breaking up with him as an only option to get over this, but I love him, and he says he loves me. We've been together for over a year now (my longest relationship ever). What should I do?
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replied August 20th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
You need to determine if he "was" obsessed with her or if he "is" obsessed with her. Have a heart to heart with him and talk about it. If he is still hung up on her, it is not worth being in a relationship with a man who has his heart divided....
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replied September 23rd, 2007
Experienced User
Been There Done That
and it took leaving him for him to knock it off...........he kept bringing up her name in every conversation it could be the street we were on and he would have say me an so n so went this way back when ect.......he No longer brings his other woman up to me he knows it is not ok with me and he has been given an ultimatum on keeping female friends he can keep a ten year ex as a friend but his other !**@! NO If he insists on female friendships they can not of ever been his lovers ....I refuse to live that way hung up on them or no If we are the couple those others are history not worth repeating..............I won't put up with it and I do love him ....but I love my sanity too.......no sleepless nights over other woman thank you no . good luck
wazzywoman/robin
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replied September 23rd, 2007
Experienced User
does he know you read his emails?
how do you expect him to be honest to you if youre not honest to him
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