My hubby is bipolar. He's on meds and been taking them regularly for the past one year.

Lately, as I have told from my previous post he has been quite sexual. Now, he download tons and tons of porn movies!!! I find it really shameful that he does that! I find him a pervert. But I always try to understand his illness. But I also get hurt by his actions.

Until what extend shall I render my patience??? I am quite tired of looking if he is ok or if he will have a mania or if he is depressed or anything that will make him sad.

I hate this feeling that I am mad but I cant be mad! he can watch porn. But I just dont like the idea that he downloads 2-3 movies in a day and watch them EVERYDAY!

I pity him...but...if he doesnt fight his own illness..who will???
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First Helper thequietman
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replied August 14th, 2007
Experienced User
Can Completely Relate
Trish, I have an ex with bipolar who was and still is the same way. Very perverted sexually. Always talked sexual but then whenever we had sex it wasn’t very good. I think it was because of the drugs he was taking. However he told me he had been with so many women, he was sexually numb. He always said off the wall comments like that. He once told me that having sex in a room with another couple with them watching us and us watching them would turn him on. I was horrified. It wasn’t until after he saw my reaction that he said he was just kidding and he would never do that sort of thing. Often he spoke of how promiscuous he was in the past and how he wished he had done more promiscuous things like being a stripper. Recently he sent nude photos into Playgirl after he said a scout hunted him down on a dating site. This guy as a Ph.D. is super smart and has a prominent job. Yet here he was taking nude photos of himself and sending them in for another man to review. My ex is almost 40! In addition to that he used to put his hands around my neck simulating affixation while we were having sex. It freaked me out at first and I wondered over time if he would have tried to attempt more. When I told my friends he was doing this, they were all scared for me and thought he was super weird. After much research, I find that many bipolars are promiscuous sexually. He admitted to sending women nude photos in suggestive poses before he met me. Some he said, that would make me faint. This is the same guy as I posted before that I found on a pornographic dating site soliciting sex while we were engaged to be married. After I had found the site (on accident) and confronted him, he told me he had done it on purpose to hurt me. Oddly enough he had Paid for the subscription to the site and had been checking in to it for over a month prior to my knowledge marking a list of sexual acts he was into, including three somes and group sex.
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replied August 15th, 2007
Re: Can Completely Relate
The other night he wanted to watch horror movies. I dont let him watch these movies as this affects his sleep. He got quite mad and told me to just let him watch what he likes and that I am overreacting. Si explained to him nicely that I am only trying to help. That I only care for him too much because I do not want him to get manic.

Quite frankly, I know he has a mood swing right now. Not too bad but I know he has. He has been sleeping until 12noon. Then sleeping again at 2pm until 6pm. Stay up and play PC games until midnight and sleep again. He takes a lot of caffeine and watches porn when I am not around. I know he has a mood swing but I am quite afraid to approach him about this because he gets mad.

honestly, I am quite tired of being with him. But what can I do, our culture is back in my country is to stick to your hubby until the end no matter what..even if it means you sacrifice your own happiness.

I will try again to talk to him to straighten up his schedule. I hope that helps.
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replied May 19th, 2009
bipolar kills
well while your about bipolar and saying how its destroying your lives all i can do is cry i to had the same problem with my man but one day i got sick of it i confronted him about how i thought he was sick (what he enjoyed sexualy) and that i could not look at him anymore and asked him to please sleep on the couch the next day he was gone... later that week i was informed of his death he had jumped infront of a train.
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replied May 26th, 2009
Using porn in itself isn't bad. It's more how you react to it. Maybe the amount he's watching is excessive, however, and may point to depression because of a lack of interest in other things. Talk with his doctor and don't be afraid or ashamed to mention porn. This is 2009!

Using terms like 'pervert', however, is pretty silly. Concentrate on his medical symptoms and whatever you do don't try to give him unnecessary anxieties about his porn use with pejorative terms. You might trigger him off into having a distorted sense of self based on your anxious reactions. Calm down.

Be aware of the issues/pitfalls about 'porn addiction' (there's some good stuff on the web), but remember this is a disputed area.

You may also be thinking that his porn use reflects badly on your relationship. Don't. It's almost certainly entirely separate from his feelings towards you.

Good luck.
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replied February 9th, 2010
Here is something to think about. Studies have been released stating that the viewing of pornography releases serotonin into the brain. Because Bi-Polar is a chemical imbalance. The body might be craving this chemical to "neutralize" some of the effects of his disorder. Speaking from experience the rush after orgasm is a quiet time where everything calms, if nothing, but for a moment. These are, in my opinion, the body trying to feed itself and somehow correct the imbalance.

Pornography itself, is not a horrible thing. Men are visually stimulated. It's part of who we are as animals. Women with women it's sound, smell and emotion.

Overdoing it, is simply, an obsessive behavior. And that in itself should be addressed, not just the fact that it's pornography. If you look at your husband enough, you'll see he does LOTS of things obsessivly. The others simply don't affect your sensabilities.

The best thing I can suggest is to find a local support group and get help with others who have been through what you are going through now.

Yes Bi-polar disorder patients have dangerous behaviors. Spending too much money, speeding, promiscuity, etc. These all release chemicals into the brain
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Users who thank thequietman for this post: kazza71 

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replied February 9th, 2010
My husband is bipolar and has had a colorful past to say the least and it makes it hard to trust him. I don't know if he watches porn or not but he likes to stay up really late on the computer and I do not know what he does. I have found quitionable things on craigs lists relating to wanting to meet other women. I don't know if it is just curiosity or what, but he denies looking at it. He has also caught me by suprise by forcefully putting his hand over my mouth and nose while hold my arms down with his legs and masterbating himself on me. He told me he just wanted to know what it was like and it wouldn't happen again. This is just insanity. I love this man, but what's next?
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replied May 28th, 2010
Many bi-polars engage in sexual behavior when they are getting manic but what all you women are describing is just insanity. I admit, I watch porn more than I would like and I am quite excessive but I don't talk sexually to other people and I certainly wouldn't put my hands on a woman in a forceful manner. If a man touches you in a manner you don't like or is a threat to your children then its time to get out.

I agree with bipolarchris, calling him assaulting him verbally may make him depressed you have to protect yourself. If he kills himself, it was the disorder, not you, that pushed him.
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replied May 30th, 2010
i am so glkad i have found thiese threads , i am sick in the stomach with worry of my three year relationship with my boyfriend, i've been looking for help for ages this is the best site i have found and it's good that the people with the condition right in because they have more anwers
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replied May 30th, 2010
I used to be addicted to porn
I was fixated and addicted to porn, however Since getting this book:

OPEN TO BLISS by Omid Mankoo,

I came to realize the mind manipulations present in porn and I applied the principles set in the book to free myself from them. I simply canot be seduced. Regardless if someone has a PH.D or not, he is not an expert in the field of sexual addictions, so obviously he can be fooled. I mean its like, asking a PHD in biology to fix the television. He will not know how to do it. it is not his field. so get information from those who are specifically experts in their field.
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replied August 30th, 2010
Is it permanent manic bipolar? Why porn when there's me?
My ex-boyfriend has all the symptoms of manic bipolar. He is always very energetic, little need for sleep, spending sprees, compulsive lying, undeterminable temper, porn addiction, etc. He spends hours online in "sexual encounter website" (AKA "prostitution websites." He masturbates to porn 2-6 times a day, & has done bizzare things like post his XXX rated sexual fantasys on craigslist and probably other sites that I'm unaware of. (of course after finding this out our relationship ended)

I am aware that pornography itself, is not a horrible thing & men are visually stimulated, however I think there is a line that can be crossed. So i guess my questions are:

1. Can you be manic bipolar without the depression stages? (or could the depression stages be disguized in a way that I don't recognize?)

2. Why is it common for someone with manic bipolar to turn to porn & infidelity rather than being with their partner? (BTW, please rule out me being unattractive or boring in bed)

HELP! PLEASE ANSWER!
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replied August 31st, 2010
Tinacrigs, I think you two could've used a professional diagnosis of his behavior. That's a great first question but hard to nail down an answer for based on his behavior. My unprofessional understanding of Bipolar (being diagnosed with it myself) does include depressive states. I don't know how they can be hidden from you. Even with medications, I have 'down' periods I can't easily pull out of. He may have some other cocktail of issues. As for number two, why does anybody turn to porn and infidelity rather than being with their partner, manic or not? Personally, I detect some obsessive behavior from him on top of the detachment and impersonalization of the sexual stimulation porn and strangers provides. You simply were not a part of the equation. Your relationship didn't matter in his decisionmaking and behavior which by the way sounds way out of control in terms of compulsion and addiction. I'm glad it ended because you would have never been able to 'keep up' with it all. I say that not knowing how deep your connection was, of course. He needs help neither your or any relationship alone can guide towards a healthier lifestyle without professional instruction. Or extremely disciplined measures which I don't get the impression he was interested in. make sense?
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replied September 3rd, 2010
'thequietman' absolutely nailed it up above there. I was just diagnosed with BP after 20+ years of doing screwy things including sexual ones. I will not get into details and nothing illegal was done but it wasn't 'me' making those decisions I'll tell you. Over the years I did start to see a pattern and I do believe as he stated above it was a chemical regulating thing going on with sarotonin and I kind of figure dopamine too. The days floowing the 3-7 day sexually active stints were indeed the calmest time mood wise. Of course guilt(married!!) and worry (STD's) would creep in to the calm mind and whala...depression. I'm just starting lithium therapy. I so hope that this will finally after 20-some years put an end to the wild sexual rides I've been on. I'm tired of it and want to be a real husband for a change. Good luck to all the rest of the people suffering with BP as well as those who see enough of the good in a person with the problem to stay with them and deal with it. Humans can be amazingly resiliant.
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replied May 28th, 2011
Pretend Doctors Duping little kids with toxin drugs
Noone has mentioned punishment from God by allowing Satan to enter a person. Is this because of westernised ways of thinking ?
Or maybe a psychologists view that it is cruel to tell someone the truth as it hurts them to tell them they have a demon or two ?.....How kind of them.
Stick to the chemical imbalance theory which you will never see a laboratory, clinical, or medical proof of one existing, as a psychologist just points at you and says YOU ARE BI POLAR.
Those that cannot understand God, only what they here from another man with a salary and a white coat....when you fornicate with pornography and drugs this is what you get.
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replied May 28th, 2011
Experienced User
yeah my boyfriend sometimes talks about his porn laying around and i never see it but i know hes trying to see how i will react and i dont react and i think that is the way to respond or they will get mad. i just let him know by playing video games with him which he loves and was quiet during it and nothing happened although he s never gotten mad at me to my face when hes mad at me he holds it in and it frustrates me because i can tell by his face i was got him furious but now that i see what hes like when hes that mad i am glad he never takes it out on me. he can be scary. hes nearly 7 feet tall so i am glad he has never yelled at me or done anything when i have pissed him off before
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replied May 29th, 2011
Experienced User
My BP ex future bf(please, understand, he comes and goes from my life) likes porn and does not understand why I dont. He has an history of cheating on his ex and tells me he is afraid of cheating on me and hurting me as Im so special to him!!!!!!! So why cant he have some self control... BP wont permit, I think. He talks sex and indeed it was what he talked mostly during our relationship, however it is only bark but no bite.
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replied May 18th, 2012
Bipolar men and sex
This is all very interesting information on people who suffer with BP. I've been in and out of a relationship with a man who I care so much about but sometimes I just can't handle some of his obsessive behavior. He confesses that he watches porn but it's not something we would do together, he likes to keep that to himself. But he does do a lot of perverted things that upset me, and this example may not be a sign of perversion but I hate it. Here he is 56 yrs old and constantly checking out other woman which is okay if I'm not around but really do you have to verbally make comments out loud. Then he can't understand why I'm pissed off when his jaw is dropping open over a pretty lady and her big boobs. He just says and does so many inappropriate things...that I just can't make up my mind about him.

Also, has anyone experienced a man who loves sex but does not like kissing nor any type of physical contact after sex. It's almost like he only knows how to make love like a porn star....it's only sex and not really any love involved. He also has a very hard time expressing his feelings for me. He's very unaffectionate. He's big on receiving but not much of a giver at all. It's been a very strange relationship. I've been off and on with him because one, he is very loyal to me and I trust him. Also, I've never had a male friend who I enjoyed there company so much and it's not just based on sex but we love hanging out together, but I will say he makes me cry a lot. But when he does and it's usually unintentional, it's just the way our conversation goes sometimes, he is very apologetic and sincere. But now I wonder if perhaps he is playing a mind game with me and seeing if he can make me cry?...I don't know, I hate to think that he would do that.

Would enjoy any feed back. PG
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replied May 18th, 2012
Is your BF bipolar? You do not say only that he has obsessive behaviour? I am a female who has bipolar, which I have had for 16 years.
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replied May 18th, 2012
Yes, he was diagnosed just a few years ago and I do know that in the last year his doctor has been trying him on different meds to see what will work for him. His obsessive behaviors he has had most of his life, it's just the way he is. Like if he starts on a project then he can not stop with it until he is done or finished with it. If he starts to train his horse on something, he will not give up until the horse perfects it. Everything is just to the extreme and I'm not use to this kind of behavior.

Anyhow, I'm not really sure what my questions really are but that I find it interesting that the sex part of it seems to be a similar trait in most men.
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replied November 19th, 2012
sex and bi polar
I have been diagnosed with BP several years ago. I also have PTSD from my military exp. I am very sexual with my woman and we watch porn every once in a while. The point is that she shares everything with me and we are kind of freaky in the bedroom. With these things together it keeps me calm for the most part and I feel no need to go outside of the relationship. As hard as it may be for some of you my advice is to involve yourself..be able to travel outside of you comfort zone from time to time. I promise it will help.
mike
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replied December 11th, 2012
my two cents
I have bipolar disorder. I have only known one woman in my life, my wife and the mother of my daughter. I have voracious sexual appetites and I am considered handsome by many woman. Some of them are not shy. I run to pornography as a means of coping with the temptation and the endless amounts of sexual energy I sometimes have. I do not hide anything from my wife. And most importantly, I try very hard to understand female sexuality and I honor her boundaries and comfort level at all times. It would be cool if I could try some of the things that I have always wanted to do, but if she attempted to put out this fire, she would have to quit her job and expect not to leave the house very often. That is not fair to her. Also, if I had my way, I would be danger to myself. I would definitely have AIDS right now if my wife did not set boundaries. The point is that sooner or later you going to have to set them... but realistically. The disease is not for the weak of stomach, and bipolar wives suffer much worse, because they find it easier to live out their fantasies. Imagine the aftermath. If a bipolar husband touches you in a way that does not have your consent, and that a reasonable person would consider psychologically damaging, nothing excuses that, not even mental illness. Tolerance for these things varies from person to person but at the very least he needs smack to the face with your sandal and some the guys I have read about need to be shown to the door.

This is addressed to everyone except Spikeman, who is living my dream.
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