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I Can't Tell If He's Cheating On Me Or Not!!

My boyfriend and I dated four years, then broke up for seven or eight months, and now we've been back together since March. We live 60 miles apart and I visit him on the weekends. Our current relationship has been better then our last (we lived together for 3 1/2 years before) but some things have happened that make me think he's cheating on me. Or maybe I'm not trusting and paranoid.
He has this girl for a friend and they work together at a bar and hang out once in a while. She doesn't seem like she's interested in him and I've even asked her if she ever did anything with my boyfriend. She said she made out with him once during the time he and I were broken up, but that was it. It's weird because she screws around with practically every guy who goes in that bar (including ones who have girlfriends or even married) so why wouldn't she go for my boyfriend?
Anyway, then I was cleaning my boyfriend's house last weekend (i'm such a good girlfriend, aren't I?) and I was unpacking some boxes to help him move in to his new apartment and I found a bra that wasn't mine (in fact, it was too small, which is amazing). I stomped over to the bar right away and asked my boyfriend. He claims that he used to have hot tub parties when he lived with his parents and that one of the girls must have left it in his room; this was before we even started dating again. It sounds believeable and my boyfriend is a total slob (he hadn't cleaned his room once since I moved out of his parents house) but I don't want to be taken for a sad, gullible sack.
So then the next day was his friend's wedding and everyone was drunk at the reception and apparently I made out with one of my boyfriend's firends and my boyfriend found out about it. That's pretty out of character for me, but I have to take everyone else's word for it. My boyfriend wasn't even that mad but he said, well now I get to make out with whoever I want.
Besides that stuff, our relationship is pretty good. We say we love each other all the time and he hates to see me leave on Sunday because we won't see eachother again until Friday. We do talk every day on the phone and there's nothing wrong with our sex life. I just don't want to be made a fool of. I mean, if he was cheating on me, why wouldn't he just admit it so I can stop wasting my time running up to see him every weekend? Why wouldn't he just go for the girl he's cheating on me with? Sorry this was so long. What do you think?
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replied July 25th, 2007
Experienced User
Well, having read that, I don't think it sounds like he's cheating. I mean you mention no clues about his behaviour being suspicious or anything? The bra and the co-worker he kissed once are not reasons to suspect him of cheating.

You may have some insecurity issues, or may not be a very trusting person, or you may be looking for something to have over him. You made out with someone while drunk; do you still drink? I ask that because if your answer is "yes, I still drink" then maybe he should be the one writing here. sorry to sound harsh, but it's what I see....
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replied July 25th, 2007
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Hi
So then the next day was his friend's wedding and everyone was drunk at the reception and apparently I made out with one of my boyfriend's firends and my boyfriend found out about it. That's pretty out of character for me, but I have to take everyone else's word for it. My boyfriend wasn't even that mad but he said, well now I get to make out with whoever I want.

First, where was you "boyfriend" while you were getting drunk and making out with his friend???????? Next, why would he not get mad? This tells me he kinda wanted this to happen so he'd have a legit excuse to "make out"with whomever he chooses.....casue y o uowed him one.......PLEASE..
Relationships are built on love and trust. Just saying I love you is not enough..........this long distance relationship is already rocky, I am not gonna be one to judge and say he's not being faithful, but you asked for opinions and this is mine.......I'd say you've had 4 years. Move on before you both really hurt each other.......................
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replied July 25th, 2007
Experienced User
My boyfriend was at the wedding party with me, because it was his friend's wedding, and I'm not sure where he was at that point. Anyway, he was mad at me (but not as mad as I felt he should have been. Then again, I do have a few really close friends as well and if he were to end up making out with one of them one night I would be mad but not too concerned) but I told him if he thinks that it's a "free ticket" to make out with someone else then he's wrong and if he wants to so badly then we shouldn't even be dating at all!
The only times I do drink are with my boyfriend, actually, at the bar that he works at on the weekends. He should have absolutely no concern for me cheating on him because I hardly hang out with anyone in my home town and I do nothing but work all week! It is a concern for me that he drinks some week nights with God-knows-who but I never have been a very trusting person. I've been hurt in the past and I find it hard to trust everyone, not just my boyfriend.
He occasionally talks about marriage so I certainly hope that he wouldn't be cheating on me if he wants to marry me. All of his relatives like me, and we occasionally talk about "when" we're going to have kids. I have a feeling that if our relationship were to end at all (I mean if I never found any real solid proof that he was cheating on me) it would be because I found a job in another state. We never really discussed that too much but I am looking into getting a new job as soon as I can, hopefully in mine or his hometown first.
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replied August 8th, 2007
I guess if you cant tell if he is cheating on you or not, he might not be! Unless you have proof then its no big deal. I mean unless you find him with another girl or if you catch him doing some sketchy stuff then dont freak. I have that problem too when I really like a guy. You must really like him alot.

Sincerely,
Katelyn Rolling Eyes
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replied March 7th, 2009
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