will you take my challenge?

This Challenge is for those in a relationship but are not married... people in a marriage can do this, but for the sake of the marriage I would refrain.

Warning, this may cause your relationship to break down.

I challenge all who profess to be in a loving relationship and are not married to abstain from sexual activity with each other for 6 months. To gage their own feelings and review how your "partner" sees you. Tell your partner that you do not want sexual relations until you are married, that you hope he/she respects your wishes (see how many times they make sexual advances disrespecting your wishes and reducing you to "sex toy" standards- allow for 2 -3 weeks to make sure they know you are serious...any advances after that period you should if you are serious about this extend the time frame from 6 months to 1 week extra for each advance. ( you must not let them know you are testing yourself or them or that the period is only 6 months) if you advance the time frame past 8 months ask yourself is the relationship worth persuing

I promise you will learn some vital information about yourself and your partner and the relationship.
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replied July 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Umm...This has nothing to do with abortion!!!
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replied July 19th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
*star* merely fails to percieve the corrolation
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replied July 19th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I'm allowing this to remain because I can see what Gu£st is driving at and I would like to allow people to respond Wink
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replied July 19th, 2007
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I think suggesting this to one's partner, particulalry after already having previously engaged in sexual relations sends the wrong message, and the other person will resent and/or misconstrue your intentions. "Does he/she no longer love me? Is he/she doing things with someone else? Why wouldn't heshe want me anymore" etc. It would be different, I think if you had never had sex with that person. But to suddenly cut someone off is cruel. Personally, I like sex and would not want to abstain for any length of time unless for medical reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying sex. I believe premarital sex is actually good for people. I believe it can help you learn whether or not you and your partner are sexually compatible. I think this is important for a healthy long-term relationship.
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replied July 19th, 2007
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me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine.
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Re: a Challenge
Gu£st wrote:
will you take my challenge?

This Challenge is for those in a relationship but are not married... people in a marriage can do this, but for the sake of the marriage I would refrain.

Warning, this may cause your relationship to break down.

I challenge all who profess to be in a loving relationship and are not married to abstain from sexual activity with each other for 6 months. To gage their own feelings and review how your "partner" sees you. Tell your partner that you do not want sexual relations until you are married, that you hope he/she respects your wishes (see how many times they make sexual advances disrespecting your wishes and reducing you to "sex toy" standards- allow for 2 -3 weeks to make sure they know you are serious...any advances after that period you should if you are serious about this extend the time frame from 6 months to 1 week extra for each advance. ( you must not let them know you are testing yourself or them or that the period is only 6 months) if you advance the time frame past 8 months ask yourself is the relationship worth persuing

I promise you will learn some vital information about yourself and your partner and the relationship.


You have a very, well, for lack of a better word, interesting view on people.

I do not bargain with my body, nor with my partner's needs. It seems like you would wish me to.
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replied July 19th, 2007
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HcoBrunette06 wrote:
me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine.


My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date four and a half years ago! And it's smooth sailing.
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Birch wrote:
HcoBrunette06 wrote:
me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine.


My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date four and a half years ago! And it's smooth sailing.


haha sounds like a fun first date Wink
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replied July 19th, 2007
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I stopped having sex somewhere in my 8th month of pregnancy. After giving birth, my sex drive didn't return for months. It's still not completely back.

6 months? Sure, no problem. We did that. My husband still loves me. We've been together long enough that sex is not what drives our relationship. But it is a vital part of a relationship. It really bothered me that I wasn't able to show my husband physically how I felt for him emotionally. I would question any relationship where sex meant nothing to one or both.

We also waited a full year before first having sex, and he had no problem with that either. He absolutely respected my wishes. Did we wait for marriage? No. We waited for the right time for us. And it worked perfectly. We're now married with a baby girl, and very happy. Premarital sex didn't kill our relationship, nor did using reliable birth control methods.
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replied July 19th, 2007
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HcoBrunette06 wrote:
Birch wrote:
HcoBrunette06 wrote:
me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine.


My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date four and a half years ago! And it's smooth sailing.


haha sounds like a fun first date Wink


We knew each other for months before that, I guess I should say that, too. It was inevitable. Wink
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replied July 19th, 2007
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my dh and I had sex very early in our relationship. We lived together (in sin, no less) and finally married. We used contraception until we chose to bring a child into our lives. Afterward, we used contraceptioin until we chose to have a second child. We then decided we did not want more children, so I had a tubal ligation. We have been married now for 13 years (in september!) and have been together since the day before I turned 17. We are still madly in love, have a very exciting sex life, based on trust and love. My husband has never treated me like a sexual object or toy. He treats me like a goddess, and I treat him respectfully right back. It is about open and honest communication, not abstinence. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, no amount of abstinence will make the relationship more "pure" or whatever you are getting at. I also had two periods of abstinence in our relationship, leading up to and following childbirth, as well as a period of time when my birth control caused me to be very irregular and have long periods of time when I was unable to satisfy my needs as well as my husband's. These periods of time were frustrating for both of us, and required us to communicate well with each other. The periods of abstinence had nothing to do with relationship building. they were, in fact difficult times to deal with. Sex is a natural human need. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
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replied July 19th, 2007
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sillyakchick wrote:
my dh and I had sex very early in our relationship. We lived together (in sin, no less) and finally married. We used contraception until we chose to bring a child into our lives. Afterward, we used contraceptioin until we chose to have a second child. We then decided we did not want more children, so I had a tubal ligation. We have been married now for 13 years (in september!) and have been together since the day before I turned 17. We are still madly in love, have a very exciting sex life, based on trust and love. My husband has never treated me like a sexual object or toy. He treats me like a goddess, and I treat him respectfully right back. It is about open and honest communication, not abstinence. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, no amount of abstinence will make the relationship more "pure" or whatever you are getting at. I also had two periods of abstinence in our relationship, leading up to and following childbirth, as well as a period of time when my birth control caused me to be very irregular and have long periods of time when I was unable to satisfy my needs as well as my husband's. These periods of time were frustrating for both of us, and required us to communicate well with each other. The periods of abstinence had nothing to do with relationship building. they were, in fact difficult times to deal with. Sex is a natural human need. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."


Well, you are so goddanged immoral, sillyakchick! Having sex before marriage! Using birth control!! And how dare you insinuate that communication is more effective than abstinence! You are GOING TO HELL!!!!

Wink
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replied July 19th, 2007
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At least I will be in good company!
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Birch wrote:
sillyakchick wrote:
my dh and I had sex very early in our relationship. We lived together (in sin, no less) and finally married. We used contraception until we chose to bring a child into our lives. Afterward, we used contraceptioin until we chose to have a second child. We then decided we did not want more children, so I had a tubal ligation. We have been married now for 13 years (in september!) and have been together since the day before I turned 17. We are still madly in love, have a very exciting sex life, based on trust and love. My husband has never treated me like a sexual object or toy. He treats me like a goddess, and I treat him respectfully right back. It is about open and honest communication, not abstinence. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, no amount of abstinence will make the relationship more "pure" or whatever you are getting at. I also had two periods of abstinence in our relationship, leading up to and following childbirth, as well as a period of time when my birth control caused me to be very irregular and have long periods of time when I was unable to satisfy my needs as well as my husband's. These periods of time were frustrating for both of us, and required us to communicate well with each other. The periods of abstinence had nothing to do with relationship building. they were, in fact difficult times to deal with. Sex is a natural human need. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."


Well, you are so goddanged immoral, sillyakchick! Having sex before marriage! Using birth control!! And how dare you insinuate that communication is more effective than abstinence! You are GOING TO HELL!!!!

Wink



lol
yall crack me up
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replied July 19th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Sex before marriage is not an absolute percurser to a doomed marriage but statistically the percentage is a lot higher

"I think suggesting this to one's partner, particulalry after already having previously engaged in sexual relations sends the wrong message, and the other person will resent and/or misconstrue your intentions. "Does he/she no longer love me? Is he/she doing things with someone else? Why wouldn't heshe want me anymore" etc. It would be different, I think if you had never had sex with that person. But to suddenly cut someone off is cruel. Personally, I like sex and would not want to abstain for any length of time unless for medical reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying sex. I believe premarital sex is actually good for people. I believe it can help you learn whether or not you and your partner are sexually compatible. I think this is important for a healthy long-term relationship."


Of course you can simply say you hope abstance makes the heart grow fonder. Reassure your "partner" that you feel you are ready to commit to the relationship but would like to see the relationship from another angle before commiting to marriage.

Sex shouldnt make any difference to a healthy loving commited relationship. If one of the two parties were suddenly to lose the ability to have intercourse a healthly loving and commited relationship would not suffer and should actually grow stronger.

I know a couple who married the man was from the age of seven a parapligic and could not engage in the sexual act, the marrige was based on love and commitment, it was healthy and the sex was unimportant to them.


"me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine."

Much respect regarding the abstanance for two years. However you have failed to take the extra step in terms of commitment of taking a vow to your boyfriend, this suggest either their is something wrong within the relationship...with.either you, your boyfriend or both of you.

You have a very, well, for lack of a better word, interesting view on people.


An altogether intersting view of the world, the universe and God might I add.




"I do not bargain with my body, nor with my partner's needs. It seems like you would wish me to. "

It is certainly not a bargin its a purification process aimed at clarification of where you stand in regards to yourself and your "partner" within the relationship, Sex clouds the reality that a relationship is often in. often a Child results from such sexual relationships, faced with the harsh light of day at worst often such relationships end in abortion, sometimes not quite as bad but still devestating the relationship breaks down often leaving the woman as a single parent and the child without a male role model. It often leads to depression and sometimes even suicide for the mother. it also leads to a feeling of anger in the child and quite often leads to violent crime by the youngster....why? Simply because a man and a woman believed they were in a health loving commited relationship because the relationship was based on intercourse instead of love.

"My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date four and a half years ago!"

and he respects you...... really????????do you think so...try the challenge
you may be suprised

"And it's smooth sailing."

until you get pregnant, have money woes, he falls for another woman, the sex looses its appeal and you fall for another man... 4.5 years ago is nothing see what its like in 15 - 20 years..

I wasnt expecting a positive response to this challenge because I dont think any of you (apart from HcoBrunette06 perhaps) have the ability the self disciple will power to abstain from sex. I Believe your all too weak. I believe you are quite enslaved by it and perhaps through your enslavement to it you are blinded to the fact your also maybe enslaved by a unloving relationship
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Did you read my post at all, guest? Rolling Eyes
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Gu£st wrote:
Sex before marriage is not an absolute percurser to a doomed marriage but statistically the percentage is a lot higher

"I think suggesting this to one's partner, particulalry after already having previously engaged in sexual relations sends the wrong message, and the other person will resent and/or misconstrue your intentions. "Does he/she no longer love me? Is he/she doing things with someone else? Why wouldn't heshe want me anymore" etc. It would be different, I think if you had never had sex with that person. But to suddenly cut someone off is cruel. Personally, I like sex and would not want to abstain for any length of time unless for medical reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying sex. I believe premarital sex is actually good for people. I believe it can help you learn whether or not you and your partner are sexually compatible. I think this is important for a healthy long-term relationship."


Of course you can simply say you hope abstance makes the heart grow fonder. Reassure your "partner" that you feel you are ready to commit to the relationship but would like to see the relationship from another angle before commiting to marriage.

Sex shouldnt make any difference to a healthy loving commited relationship. If one of the two parties were suddenly to lose the ability to have intercourse a healthly loving and commited relationship would not suffer and should actually grow stronger.

I know a couple who married the man was from the age of seven a parapligic and could not engage in the sexual act, the marrige was based on love and commitment, it was healthy and the sex was unimportant to them.


"me and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years before we ever had sex, so no thanks my relationship is fine."

Much respect regarding the abstanance for two years. However you have failed to take the extra step in terms of commitment of taking a vow to your boyfriend, this suggest either their is something wrong within the relationship...with.either you, your boyfriend or both of you.

You have a very, well, for lack of a better word, interesting view on people.


An altogether intersting view of the world, the universe and God might I add.




"I do not bargain with my body, nor with my partner's needs. It seems like you would wish me to. "

It is certainly not a bargin its a purification process aimed at clarification of where you stand in regards to yourself and your "partner" within the relationship, Sex clouds the reality that a relationship is often in. often a Child results from such sexual relationships, faced with the harsh light of day at worst often such relationships end in abortion, sometimes not quite as bad but still devestating the relationship breaks down often leaving the woman as a single parent and the child without a male role model. It often leads to depression and sometimes even suicide for the mother. it also leads to a feeling of anger in the child and quite often leads to violent crime by the youngster....why? Simply because a man and a woman believed they were in a health loving commited relationship because the relationship was based on intercourse instead of love.

"My boyfriend and I had sex on our first date four and a half years ago!"

and he respects you...... really????????do you think so...try the challenge
you may be suprised

"And it's smooth sailing."

until you get pregnant, have money woes, he falls for another woman, the sex looses its appeal and you fall for another man... 4.5 years ago is nothing see what its like in 15 - 20 years..

I wasnt expecting a positive response to this challenge because I dont think any of you (apart from HcoBrunette06 perhaps) have the ability the self disciple will power to abstain from sex. I Believe your all too weak. I believe you are quite enslaved by it and perhaps through your enslavement to it you are blinded to the fact your also maybe enslaved by a unloving relationship


or MAYBE...we just like sex?!
what does getting pregnant have to do with any of this by the way?
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Birch wrote:
sillyakchick wrote:
my dh and I had sex very early in our relationship. We lived together (in sin, no less) and finally married. We used contraception until we chose to bring a child into our lives. Afterward, we used contraceptioin until we chose to have a second child. We then decided we did not want more children, so I had a tubal ligation. We have been married now for 13 years (in september!) and have been together since the day before I turned 17. We are still madly in love, have a very exciting sex life, based on trust and love. My husband has never treated me like a sexual object or toy. He treats me like a goddess, and I treat him respectfully right back. It is about open and honest communication, not abstinence. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, no amount of abstinence will make the relationship more "pure" or whatever you are getting at. I also had two periods of abstinence in our relationship, leading up to and following childbirth, as well as a period of time when my birth control caused me to be very irregular and have long periods of time when I was unable to satisfy my needs as well as my husband's. These periods of time were frustrating for both of us, and required us to communicate well with each other. The periods of abstinence had nothing to do with relationship building. they were, in fact difficult times to deal with. Sex is a natural human need. "Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."


Well, you are so goddanged immoral, sillyakchick! Having sex before marriage! Using birth control!! And how dare you insinuate that communication is more effective than abstinence! You are GOING TO HELL!!!!

Wink

now now,, lets leave God out of it.. we are animals and we are supose to mate, forget about the talking.. Smile
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replied July 19th, 2007
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Gu£st wrote:
Sex before marriage is not an absolute percurser to a doomed marriage but statistically the percentage is a lot higher


Statistics do not equal causation. Have you done any research looking at multifactorial reasoning behind divorce rate? Did you know, for example, that the divorce rate for children from divorced parents is much much higher? Should those peolpe not marry because of it?

"I think suggesting this to one's partner, particulalry after already having previously engaged in sexual relations sends the wrong message, and the other person will resent and/or misconstrue your intentions. "Does he/she no longer love me? Is he/she doing things with someone else? Why wouldn't heshe want me anymore" etc. It would be different, I think if you had never had sex with that person. But to suddenly cut someone off is cruel. Personally, I like sex and would not want to abstain for any length of time unless for medical reasons. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying sex. I believe premarital sex is actually good for people. I believe it can help you learn whether or not you and your partner are sexually compatible. I think this is important for a healthy long-term relationship."


Gu£st wrote:
Of course you can simply say you hope abstance makes the heart grow fonder. Reassure your "partner" that you feel you are ready to commit to the relationship but would like to see the relationship from another angle before commiting to marriage.


Do you mean absence or abstinence? My dh and I actually did take a three month sabbatical from one another prior to marriage. We each moved into our own place. It was so awful being apart from one another that we only abstained from intercourse for about 1 1/2 months of that time. Am I suddenly more "pure"?

Gu£st wrote:
Sex shouldnt make any difference to a healthy loving commited relationship.


Exactly my point

Gu£st wrote:
I know a couple who married the man was from the age of seven a parapligic and could not engage in the sexual act, the marrige was based on love and commitment, it was healthy and the sex was unimportant to them.


Of course, there are always underlying circumstances. I bet you if he could have made love to his wife, he would have.




Gu£st wrote:
Much respect regarding the abstanance for two years. However you have failed to take the extra step in terms of commitment of taking a vow to your boyfriend, this suggest either their is something wrong within the relationship...with.either you, your boyfriend or both of you.


This is assinine, judgemental, and smacks of a superiority complex. How could you possibly understand the intricate inner workings of the relationship of someone you don't even know? To indicate that there is something somehow wrong with her relationship must give you a great feeling of superiority.


Gu£st wrote:
An altogether intersting view of the world, the universe and God might I add.


Agreed


Gu£st wrote:
It is certainly not a bargin its a purification process aimed at clarification of where you stand in regards to yourself and your "partner" within the relationship, Sex clouds the reality that a relationship is often in. often a Child results from such sexual relationships, faced with the harsh light of day at worst often such relationships end in abortion, sometimes not quite as bad but still devestating the relationship breaks down often leaving the woman as a single parent and the child without a male role model. It often leads to depression and sometimes even suicide for the mother. it also leads to a feeling of anger in the child and quite often leads to violent crime by the youngster....why? Simply because a man and a woman believed they were in a health loving commited relationship because the relationship was based on intercourse instead of love.


Children result from unprotected sex. Thus, if one uses birth control appropriately, such disatrous results might be averted. Even people in a marriage can have this type of situatioin occur. Abstinence has nothing to do with this.


Gu£st wrote:
and he respects you...... really????????do you think so...try the challenge
you may be suprised


Clearly you do not have adequate respect for others. I gues it's a good thing that you are not Birch's partner

Gu£st wrote:
until you get pregnant, have money woes, he falls for another woman, the sex looses its appeal and you fall for another man...


She could get pregnant with or without marriage. It does not mean she would proceed and have a child. Why would sex lose it's appeal? Plenty of marired couples who have never had sex with anyone else stray because of curiosity, since they had never been with anyone else ina sexual relationship.

Gu£st wrote:
4.5 years ago is nothing see what its like in 15 - 20 years..



How about 17 years? Is that a good enough test for you??

Gu£st wrote:
I wasnt expecting a positive response to this challenge because I dont think any of you (apart from HcoBrunette06 perhaps) have the ability the self disciple will power to abstain from sex. I Believe your all too weak. I believe you are quite enslaved by it and perhaps through your enslavement to it you are blinded to the fact your also maybe enslaved by a unloving relationship


That's very interesting that you wouold say that about her, in light of the fact that you were dogging her earlier about the failed nature of her relationship. Just because you are abstinent does not mean that you are any better than anyone else. I have the ability not to drink alcohol. I choose to do so. I have the ability to drive 100 miles per hour on the freeway. I choose not to. I have the ability to eat meat. I choose not to. I have the ability to abstain forom sex. I choose not to. I will inform my husband of how unloving he is because he wants to have sex with me and see just how far that gets us. I will let him know how "enslaved" I am by our relationship and then what happens? I can tell you that he would be hurt, angry, and confused, as would anyone by this ridiculous "challenge".

I think you are way off base here and posted this in order to get a rise out of people and allow yourself to sumgly continue to insult people who you believe you are "holier than" because you do not engage in sex. I will refrain from posting the rest of my thoughts, as they are quite inflammatory and go against eHealth's guidelines for use.
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