Medical Questions > Mental Health > Schizophrenia Forum

Schizophrenia And My Boyfriend

I've been with my boyfriend "John" for over six months. I love him more than myself and I'm very worried.
He was diagnosed with schizophrenia (he doesn't like to discuss it so I don't know details, all he's told me about is a voice that he hears, which he never mentioned after that and probably thinks I don't remember because I was drunk when he told me; but I remember...) when he was about thirteen years old (he's twenty-one now). He'd been in and out of hospitals every couple months, and even spent around two years in a mental health facility.
He's recently "confessed" to me that he stopped taking his meds the day he met me. He claims they only give him side affects and don't truly help him with anything.
He has not been in a hospital or institutionalized in about eight months. His longest record out of hospitalization before this was three. He says he no longer feels suicidal because of me etc. He's been able to keep his job for almost seven months because he's been with me, where previously he's only kept a job for a month or so.
I am really worried that eventually I won't be enough to hold his sanity back (he claims I am the only thing keeping him together).
I fear I may not be enough, it sounds too good to be true, too good to last.
I am afraid that one day he might just break and lose it.
From what I've heard from his parents, he can get very violent and aggressive, and can lose control of himself.
I've seen him angry a few times and it's very scary. It's as if he's not himself. There's a fiery void in his eyes and I lose sight of him. He has not hurt me, and I do not believe he would intentionally.
I am more worried about him than myself.
What are the chances that he might become unstable, or might have an episode of some sorts?
Is all I can do is give him my love?

(I will have to leave soon, time is of the essence. But I will check in on the next day that I'm able to return to the library.)
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First Helper laure_kadrid

replied July 17th, 2007
Experienced User
You're in a difficult position and I am sorry about that. There's no telling how likely is an episode or breakout of some sort. Being off the meds increases chances of that happening, although you've got to sympathize with him concerning the lack of help he says they give to him and the side effects. Maybe you could try suggesting that he change his meds instead of stopping them, and cite the violence as a good reason to do it. Not all meds work on all people, and it takes patience to find the right one. I don't know if he's done that. I also feel that it's not quite fair to you to be the only thing he relies on for his sanity - it is a heavy burden for you. Most relationships deteriorate with time - sorry, but that's the reality - and he should have some other means of keeping him steady.
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User Profile
replied July 19th, 2007
Hi Lucy, if you're still there - I've sent you a pm...
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replied July 20th, 2007
He doesn't believe in meds at all. If I suggest he use any, he'd get upset that I don't think he can handle it himself. (He also doesn't believe in diagnoses: "they're labels that doctors give people to confine them".)
He doesn't believe his violence to be a result of the diagnosis.
Over the past 8/9 years of his life he's been trying out different meds and none of them ever helped.
He's never been "steady" before. Until me. If this relationship does fail, there won't be anything keeping him fine, just like before. Without me, he'll be right back where he was. He could never find any other neams to keep him steady. I'm so worried.

He think saw the title to this thread in my email.
I hope to death he isn't upset or offended.

Thank you Naomi48
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replied May 8th, 2010
I don''t know if you or anyone still reads these posts, but I felt like I had to respond anyways... Smile

I''m in a similar situation with my boyfriend, a mixture of being stuck with him and wanting to be with him. On one hand, it feels like it''s far more than I can handle, but on the other hand, like you said, what would happen to him if I left?

For lots of people the "I need you to help me live" plea sounds pathetic, but when it comes from a man living on the tightrope of reality and delusion, it''s 100% genuine sincerity. I didn''t realize how real it is until I had to leave my boyfriend at the superstore while I ran home to get my wallet I''d forgot. When I came back he was mad, but the minute we left the store he nearly burst into tears. The absolute terror, he explained, of being alone and not having the one person you know is real beside you to reassure you was more than he could take. He almost started crying in the middle of the store and was more relieved than angry when I returned.

We, the girlfriends, fiancees, wives, are the glue that keeps them together. We have to be. Men tend to need to be perfectly fine for their families, awesome for their friends, and normal for their work spaces. We are the only persons in their lives who know the truth and won''t leave them because of it. At least, that''s how it should be, but sadly it isn''t always what happens.

I encourage you to do what we did and discuss your plan of action for every possible situation. If he truly loves you he cares about your safety and well-being and will be more than happy to set up these plans. We agreed that if he suddenly becomes violent, I will call the local mental health facility and have him taken to professionals, but not notify him of it so he doesn''t get out of control. That was his idea, which in itself is a great expression of love and trust. In turn, I promised to be with him through everything, even if it means regular trips to the hospital. These are just major things, there are smaller issues like who runs errands and income, etc.

Just take several deep breaths, pray, journal, go for a drive, and never ever forget about you. While I''m stuck doing all the shopping because public places stress his condition, it''s a great opportunity to just drive around, breathe fresh air and find new places to check out on my next run. And like I said, if your boyfriend truly loves you, he''ll encourage you to take care of yourself. Love is a two-way street, so make sure he''s giving you the love you''re giving him.

Best of luck to you!
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replied March 26th, 2011
i on the other hand i hear voices get paronid i shout at my partner i on the other hand am female, sometimes i wish my partner would leave me, i no it sounds nasty but thats how i feel, my partner dosent understand how im feeling or nothing i cannot tell him its horrable, its a nightmere, ive been with my partner for 9years, hes put up with me, i just dont no how to explain to him, it could be me feeling scared of loosing him
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replied February 21st, 2011
Hi...I can completely understand how you are feeling...I have beem with my boyfriend for 2 yrs and have had to unfortunatley call the police on him several times......He has spent 6 months out of this last year in jail due to his rages but with the persistince of his mom and I continually contacting his P.O officer and his forensic doctor who is great he has finally come out this time on a new program and under close supervision...he is now givin a shot every 2 weeks to control his schizophrenia and is monitored by the people of the Act program who are all to do with mental health...They come by his place 3 times a week and check his blood pressure and his heart rate to make sure the meds are working okay and not causing him any physical side affect and WOW! what a difference it has made to his behaviour and our relationship...I could have walked away a long time ago but I love him and am well aware of his intelligence,his talents,and his compassion which have been hidden under the cloak of schizophrenia.....He can become violent and so I had to take the measures to secure my own safety and build solid boundaries but I am sm atill here and have hope and faith in the mental health community...There are professionals and people who really care about people with mental illness...and I truly am so greatful to them for caring enough to listen to his mom and I....It's still One Day At A Time but in my heart of hearts I do believe that there is and will be a better life for those with mental illness and us the ones who love them enough to not abandon them.....Good luck to you and what ever direction you decide to take...My prayers are with you.
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replied March 15th, 2011
Get him back on his medication immediately. Like yesterday. Schizophrenics often feel the need to self medicate or have a desire to stop taking their meds. PLEASE get him professional help - you will not be enough to keep this disease at bay. If anything you have been serving as a distraction. Schizophrenia is treatable but only if the patients is consistent with his or her medication - his behavior is a classic behavior associated with the disease!

Someone could get very seriously injured. His medications are to regulate chemicals (specifically dopamine) in the brain - it's not something that should be taken lightly and he should never stop taking them with out a monitoring professional
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