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So yesterday I was supposed to turn 17wks pregnant but instead I was having a D&C because on Wed I found out that the baby had died at 9wks. How can mother nature be so cruel to let me think that I am pregnant this whole time.

My uterus was actually measuring for 17 wks because it was all filled with blood and I was having pregnancy symptoms because my body was still producing the pregnancy hormone. I thought that I was even feeling the baby move but it was just the blood swishing around. I just feel devastated.

It really hit me at last night when I went to bed because this was the time when I would lye there feeling my belly and feeling movement. I I really would look forward to that time but instead last night I just couldn't stop crying. I feel like I will never be the same.

The doc had given me pills to help me expel it on my own but I just couldn't go through that. I couldn't handle seeing the sac and knowing that it has been died for all this time. I just feel so empty now, Yesterday I could feel my uterus and now today it is just......gone.

People keep saying that this happened for a reason (and I know that) and they keep saying that you can try again but it doesn't help me now. I have posted about this a couple of times but not very many people have responded and that makes me sad because I thought that we were here to help people. One of my posts had 43 people read it and yet only one person responded. Right now it feels like this is the only place that I can go for words of support because there are actually people who have gone through this. No one in my family have gone through this so they really don't know what to say.
Anyways I there is someone on here that has been through this and can help me understand why something like this happens and how to begin the healing process.
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replied July 13th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Hun noone can answer you as to why this happened to you there isn't always a reason and this can make your grief even harder to stand.
There are no rules to greiving and all your questions are part of the process you may never find your answers but one day you will feel able to move on with the knowledge that you loved your baby and the whys and wherefores don't really matter the fact is you had and loved your little one for a short time and that initself is an honour. Your loss will take time to get over hun and even then you may never get over the feeling of loss but i promise you that it will get easier to cope with and remember your baby without tears and sadness just give yourself time.
As to all your freinds that are telling you that you can try again i know they are trying to be supportive but speak to them tel them you are not ready to hear you can try again you lost this baby and another one will never take it's place( believe me i know).Have a night in with a close freind where you can relax and talk about your baby cry for your baby i stil talk to both mine and they have been gone 14years and 10 years it helps to feel close if you talk to them write your baby letters and keep them in a box with a flower and other bits that you feel would be right for you.
Even better set yourself something positive to do i cornered of a chunk of garden and set to making a calm retreat in it for my boys somewhere to leave cards and toys for them everything i have mentioned will help you to move on in your greif hun it just won't happen over night you need time to work out your emotions and come to terms with your loss and unfortunatly this cannot be rushed.
All the best hun i hope this helps.
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replied July 13th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
i will 17 weeks in a few days and that happened to me i would be absolutely devestated.

I am curious as to how come an ultrasound was not done at the end of your first trimester.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope that the healing process is not too painful to bare.!!

Shar
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replied July 14th, 2007
Experienced User
The way I look at it is god/mother nature whatever you believe in had different plans for you and it was just not the right time. I know how your feeling and this is the only way I got through both my failed pregnancys. I know it hurts trust me I know and I wish I could give you a big ole hug and tell you it will be ok but I know That will only help for a short while then you will become depressed again. It took me a few weeks to be ok and I would lie if I said I was ok now because it stills hurts to think about. I am here if you need to talk to me and don;t think it was your medication unless you where abusing it as I was with my first pregnancy and the doctor said it was ok then don't worry. I however do blame myself for my first because I was taking 3-4 ibuprofen every 6 hours to dull the pain of my tooth. Even though I didn't know I was pregnant I still blame myself. If you have Aim feel free to Im me anytime Ducky537 is my screenname also I have a myspace and It is www.myspace.com/punkduck
Hugs my dear and please know you are not alone We are all here to help you. HUggies again!
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replied July 14th, 2007
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my dear I feel for you and am praying for you. I in times of great sorrow I turn to the lord for comfort in his words. I know nothing I can stay can take the pain of losing your baby away. I too have lost babies that far along and farther and everytime hurts just as bad. I do believe that God has my child up in heaven with HIm and I will get to meet this child when I get there. In the bible it tells us that God knew us before we were born and knew everyhair on our head. If you are open try going to Him for comfort as He is the great councellor and comforter among many other thiings. I wish you well. This will be hard for awhile and if you need a should you can PM me when ever you like day night anytime. My heart is just aching for you. Everyone grieves in different ways so try different things and hopefully something will come as a comfort you. Wether it is God, your partner or just ....... lack of words sorry. You can have your own little service to say good-bye that may help. Just speak out loud or write a letter to your baby that passed away. Take care. We are all here for you. I think some people who saw your post but did not post back may have just known what to say and did not want to say something that hurt you so they said nothing. taykare lots of love and hugs to you.
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replied July 14th, 2007
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i agree that it's hard to know what to say especially if you've never been through it. i think that is why a lot of people don't respond. it's not that they don't care or feel for you. sometimes words just don't cut it. it's totally natural that you cared for that baby and it was a unique being that had life for a little while because of you. when people say these things happen for a reason, that seems empty and isn't of much comfort. i think what they mean by that is that sometimes things just don't go right, right from the beginning and the body knows that the baby won't make it in the outside world because it isn't developing right. there's no explanations for this, it just happens sometimes. that is why every baby is a miracle. i agree that you can just let people know you aren't finished grieving yet and it doesn't help to hear that you can always have another one. this one was special to you and you need to take time to say goodbye and let her spirit go. when i was afraid of losing my baby because i had to have surgery, i prayed like there was no tomorrow. i asked others to pray for me and i found a lot of strength and comfort in my faith. i hope you find some strength and comfort as well and i WILL pray for you i promise. be kind to yourself. try to give people the benefit of the doubt even when they don't know the right things to say. god bless you and keep you. i'm sure you'll get through this and you'll be stronger for it in the end, it will just take time. take care.

* i just wanted to add that there are no rules to how you should be feeling. especially considering the hormone shifts you will be going through. you may feel fine today and even laugh and be happy. then the next day you may feel down again. you might even feel a bit angry. just let your feelings be what they are and don't judge them or run away from them. i just wanted to say that because sometimes when something bad happens we feel like we need to walk around with a long face because that is what people expect of us or that we need to act cheerful around others when we don't really feel that way inside. it's natural to be on an emotional rollercoaster sometimes and if you just accept your feelings as they come and find some way to express them and share them with others, you will be able to heal in time.
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replied July 14th, 2007
Experienced User
In a Similar Boat...
i'm sorry hon.... i would have posted sooner except i just had a d&c done monday and am just now up to really talking. I lost my baby at 9 weeks as well. I am so sorry *hugs* there is nothing anyone can say or do to take the anguish, pain and sheer anger from you. Only time will do that (or like i did take it out on a punching bag... a lot... ) you can pm me anytime you want to rant, vent or just talk.

*edit, i read your other posts... after.
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replied July 17th, 2007
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is very hard to understand why any of us have had to endure such pain. Right now, there won't be much that people will say that will comfort you. Grieve how you want and for as long as you want. Remember, don't try to tell yourself that you need to get over this because you won't. It will get a little easier as times go by, but you will never forget what you have been through. Talking to a therapist has helped me or maybe you could attend some support groups. I think it is natural that we search for answers to why this has happened to us, but we rarely get any. My daughter Gabriella was born still at 19w3d on 8/17/05. It has been almost 2 years and I stll have times where it seems like it happend yesterday and I feel thrown right back into depression. Please take time to take care of "you" and talk about how you feel to the people closest to you. That quote "everthing happens for a reason, or you can try again" just erks me. I guess sometimes people don't know what to say and they say really dumb things. (((HUGS))) to you.

Kanga01
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replied July 17th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments. I would be lost without these forums. They have really been a great help. It gives me the chance to talk about it if I need too. I am doing better emotionally. I bought a little angel pendant to put on my chain, so whenever I think about the baby I can touch it instead of rubbing my tummy and it seems to be helping. (rubbing the tummy is a hard habit to break)

Anyways thanks again and I appreciate everybody's wonderful words of comfort.

Shannah
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replied July 20th, 2007
You're Not Alone
Let yourself grieve...you have had a terribile loss. I lost my baby too last week, and your words felt like they were mine.

I know that miscarriages are common, as you know as well. However, these were OUR babies...and now they are gone. Starting over seems like such a formidable task.

My heart is with you,
Jodine
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replied July 22nd, 2007
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i feel the same way! how can nature be so cruel and how can doctors be so dumb! thats a long time to go thinking that your pregnant and your mind telling your body that your having symptoms and yet NOTHING!

*Edited for profanity
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replied October 2nd, 2007
I just read your post. My heart goes out to you and your family. It's terrible that anyone has to go through what you have endured. I am truly sorry for your loss. I also had a missed miscarriage, but at 11 weeks 2 days. I know that you could have knocked me over with a feather when they told me there was no heartbeat. I had 3 ultrasounds before that one--saw the heartbeat 3 times, growth was normal. It was the worst thing I've ever been through--can only imagine what you went through being 6 weeks further along. Please accept my condolences. Hope this finds you feeling a little better than when you posted.
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replied October 15th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
I am definitely doing much better now. It was really hard for a while as I'm sure you know the feeling SadSadSad. I think one of the hardest things was still having symptoms for such a long time (like 2 months after) afterwards. I kept thinking that there was a possibility that I conceived again but every time I would test I would get a bfn. It is also hard to see women who are pregnant because it always makes me think that i am supposed to be that pregnant. Anyways, I am sorry that you had to go through it too. I wish that women didn't have to experience this because it is one of the hardest things that I ever had to go through and I don't wish it upon anybody,even my worst enemy. Hopefully it won't take me too much longer to conceive again!!
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replied October 15th, 2007
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Shanyan wrote:
I am definitely doing much better now. It was really hard for a while as I'm sure you know the feeling SadSadSad. I think one of the hardest things was still having symptoms for such a long time (like 2 months after) afterwards. I kept thinking that there was a possibility that I conceived again but every time I would test I would get a bfn. It is also hard to see women who are pregnant because it always makes me think that i am supposed to be that pregnant. Anyways, I am sorry that you had to go through it too. I wish that women didn't have to experience this because it is one of the hardest things that I ever had to go through and I don't wish it upon anybody,even my worst enemy. Hopefully it won't take me too much longer to conceive again!!



hey just to let u know i only had one cycle after my miscarriage and i am now 6w4d so dont get discouraged keep testing i got negatives before i got a positive. i dunno besides i may have tested to early or my hcg was not high ennough yet. so test again in a week, thats what i did and i got my bfp
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replied January 4th, 2008
Experienced User
Hey
its totally normal to be depressed after such a horrible life changing thing has occurred
just keep your head high and know that even though your baby is here, you did all you could.
things will get better with time
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