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Told my husband he has a small penis when I was angry

Years ago I told me husband he had a small penis when I was very angry at him, which he doesn't. I later told him I was sorry for saying that to him. When I was 17 I had sex with a boyfriend and my husband thinks that I was compairing him to the ex. I really wasn't but he doesn't believe me. We have been fighting for 4 weeks now over EVERY THING from our past and things before I met him. He says I have belittled his body over and over through the years. Example, I told him I only dated good looking guys and he was nice to me, the most respectable of all them. He took that as to mean he wasn't one of the good looking one just the nice one. There is so much more this has been the one he keeps talking about, this week. Please Help Me understand and what to do to undo this. I'm very much in love with my husband and we will celebrate our 29th year in October, if we make it that long. We were married at 18 (me) and him 19 and might I add pregant.
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replied July 24th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Oh dear! You committed the cardinal sin of saying something untrue in order to hurt your husband during a row and now you can't take it back and you can't undo it - even worse it was almost as bad a thing as it is possible to say to a man, especially someone as insecure as he seems to be...

Things like that are remembered forever...

Your husband is probably well into the male menopause and that will be fuelling his insecurity.
Normally advancing years brings increased wisdom and experience which tends to replace youthful vigour, strength and speed but the loss of such powers can really shake the confidence of some men as the testosterone levels drop and they can no longer compete in the jungle we call life!

Your husband's bickering could be symptomatic of these things or something to do with his life outside the home. It is possible he is using you as a verbal punch-bag to attempt to relieve his feelings and it is equally possible he could not describe why...
We all need that sort of punch-bag sometimes - that is what our nearest and dearest is for...

Such topics as he is choosing to bicker about is symptomatic of deep insecurity and festering anger that might or might not be aimed at you.
Although it is fairly natural, it is also quite destructive if it goes on too long!
Such circular arguments are like a hamster on a wheel and achieve nothing and go nowhere but are exhausting to a person and a relationship so in order to advance the circle must be broken and you must climb off that wheel and throw it in the trash...

I suggest you make a final apology for your penis remark and any other little thing you have said that he might or might not have misunderstood, state that you love him and want to continue your relationship so you aren't going to help him break it down by senselessly bickering about what is past and cannot be altered and then refuse to discuss it further: he must accept you aren't perfect - draw a line underneath it and regardless of anything your husband says from then on speak only about things that are relevant to now!

Ask him if he wants to stay married to you!

You could concentrate his mind by offering to pay a forfeit for that past misdemeanor if he would do likewise and draw a line under the past - you could offer to clean his car for a month or two or be his uncomplaining sex slave or to lose some weight or whatever is appropriate or relevant to your husband.

Most importantly try and find out what is really the root of his worry or insecurity and why he feels the need to risk everything by using you as a punch-bag instead of seeing you as his friend!
Convince him to take a trip to the doctor for a check-up. It is worth noting testosterone patches are a very common prescription.

He might be worried by his health or it might be financial but it is almost certain the subjects he has chosen to beat you with aren't the real cause: I suspect it will have something to do with poor self-worth and lost youth...
Might also be he has a small unrequieted infatuation for another woman, as men of certain ages are inclined to do from time-to-time and is feeling frustrated about it - no surprises there!

Best of luck and please come back and tell us how you fared!
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