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To love a mentally broken man, need help :(

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hey everyone.
First of all, im writing this because i no longer know what to do, im very frustrated and i cant seem to find a forum in my own country for this kind of stuff. ( im from denmark btw ).
I really need some evaluation and advice here, before i go nuts.

Him - short story : age 32, been through some sort of childhood abuse, he dont want to tell a soul what happened back then but it has something to do with his mother ( he told me that ). He have been patient in a mental hospital for some couple of months in his younger days but that did not help him, he said. He hates himself so bad and once he told me he just want to die and he dont deserve to be loved. He really thinks that hes worth nothing. He works two jobs but at times he really neglect himself and his home. He was a cutter when he was a teen. When he is sober he is mostly quiet, moody and depressed. When he drinks he is a whole different guy, happy, flirting, laughing and he talks alot like everyone else. He said he only had 2 relationships in his life, they did not last long. His ex was unfaithful so he also have trust issues. That said, He has a very brilliant and sharp mind , sometimes its scary, cause he reads me like an open book.

Me - short story : woman age 35, been through posttraumatic stress and have a mild form of bipolar, i tried suicide 4 times when i was young and i too have been a cutter, im very sensitive to other peoples emotions, have good knowledge in bodylanguage and know a little psycology too ( thats why im not giving up that easy ). Im a fighter. I also have trust issues and know what its like to feel unwanted and depressed. We are very similar in thoughts and acts, like a mirror, and i think thats why we connected so well. We are two peas in a pod so to speak.

Well story goes like this : We met eachother 4 years ago, and after some time we both fell in love very hard, but we ended up destroying it before it got a chance to evolve... Because of both-way trust issues. After that we hated eachother and got really mean towards eachother, i cried a lot for a long time and was totally depressed, that lasted 6 months, then he came to me and told me he still had all his feelings for me and that were the reason he was so angry with me... Then we started again, but only when we were drunk, only then would he open up and tell me all his fellings, he never contacted me sober. And everytime he woke up i my bed and got sober, he went cold on me again... I was a loop, we were drunk together, went home together, sleeping, kissing, cuddling, then back to him being cold and me crying.... A year ago i walked away, i was tired of him only coming to me when drunk and then take it all back...
I found someone else, but i missed him so bad that i had to end the new thing... We were then back at the hating phase again, but this time i did not react to him, i waited for him to break his pattern in some way... Then out of the blue he came to me and and wanted to talk, i told him to go away, then he broke down crying and said " i really LOVE you, and thats why im acting this way" , that day my own wall came down and i told him that i loved him too... I didnt last long though, two days later he went mr.cold feet again, told me he didnt deserve me and that he could not give me what i want, but for the first time he told me it all sober, he did not deny his feelings but he was scared... I got sad but was cool about it... Then we went back to only getting together drunk. But something was changing between us, we began to trust eachother more and more, he opened up little by little, he even kissed me and was very affectionate sober ( that was new ) . He also now get a little jealous sometimes if another man is giving me alot of attention and sometimes he "forget" things at my apartment, but he never claims them.
Now you all think he is an abuser who is just using me for sex.. But now i come to the most weird part that has driven me to write this : We NEVER had sex, not even once! He is deadly scared when we get close, we only had oral sex maybe 3 times, but he gets scared when it comes to the penetrate part, and he told me lately that he hasnt had sex in 3 years, cause he get nerveous, i dont know why he have that anxiety around me, it was not a problem with others before me 4 years ago... So he wants me near, to hold me, cuddle, kiss and sometimes we just lay in bed talking, joking, laughing and enjoying to be close... But i really dont know what he wants with me, im so lost now, he dont want a relationship yet he miss having one , he still only come to me drunk, but now he stays with me the next day too,sober, i cant figure out what is making him gravitate back again and again, when he is not getting anything else but my compagny and to be close. I wish i knew what could be his problem? I know he loves me, i can feel it in his touch and see it in his eyes, no doubt. But what could be wrong with him and how should i handle it? I dont want to walk away, i have never loved anyone like this before, i know its a lot of work, but seriously i dont want anyone else. Its hard to live this halfpart story when all i wish for is for him to surrender and stay for good. He has a very kind and soft heart, and more and more often he show me this side of himself, i dont know if this means that he is getting closer to the thought of commitment or not ? I mean, why keep coming back to me and have all that intimacy if he do not want to keep me? I dont get this.
We are both suffering and we cant seem to get it right Sad

And no, none of us are alcoholics, we only go out on fridays having some beers and fun.

So heres my questions.
What do you think could be the problem?
How should i handle this?
Is it even possible to win him over someday, and what can i do do help him get over all that fear and anxiety?

Please dont make fun or tell me im stupid etc. I dont need that, i only need some advice and evaluation. And sorry for my bad spelling, english is not my main language :/
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