User Profile
For many, MANY years now I have been dealing with messed up parents. My Dad was an achoholic when me and my brothers were growing up. He stopped for awhile but started back again, worse now than before. My Mom was never a typical mom, she wasn't nurturing at all, and hardly ever showed that she loved me or cared about me. I had to learn almost everything about being a woman on my own or from watching other girls/women. They were both abusive in their own ways. My mom would treat me horribly when I was young and blame me for everything, including my dad never wanting to come home from the bar or staying gone on the truck all the time. (He was a truckdriver, which is cool, just meant he was gone alot.) She started to slap me as I got older, until I learned not to get that close to her when she was mad. She never talked to me or connected with me at all. I felt that she resented me most of the time and favored my brothers over me. My dad would resort to hitting. He'd do it drunk or sober, didn't matter. We grew up getting spankings, but it wasn't normal. He'd go into a fit of rage and hit us over and over and again, he just wouldn't stop! As I got older, a teenager, it became more of punching with the side of his fist into my head and hitting. It was messed up and needless to say I have a lot of horrible memories from it all.

Anyway, besides all of that, my dad is VERY controlling. Too much to explain, but he seemed to have to control EVERY aspect of my life, up until last year when I was 23. The only reason it stopped was because I called it quits. I live several states away from my parents, have for about 4 years now. They moved back to where we originally were from and I chose to stay where I am now. I live with my boyfriend, which my dad hates, for no reason other than my boyfriend takes better care of me and treats me better than my dad ever did. Well, last year my parents came out a few days before my birthday. I hadn't seen them in at least 6 months and I was happy that they were in town. It turns out that they just came to ask for money, which I honestly didn't have. Once they found out I couldn't help them, they became rude and hateful to me. My dad wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't even hug me or say that he loved me. My mom ignored me. A few days later they called me, still in town, and said that they didn't come out for my birthday, that I wasn't on their list of important things. Lots of cuse words too of course.

After that, and many hateful, horrible hurtful and threatening text messages from my dad, I stopped talking to them. I tried to tell my dad that until he straightens up and quits treating me the way he does that I would no longer speak to them. The hateful text messages continued. I had to change my phone number. Now he sends messages to my boyfriends phone once in awhile. Some will be hateful, some will act like nothing ever happened and he'll say that he loves me still. I must mention that all of this started in October of last year, and that I haven't spoken to them since then. I sent a 6 page letter to my parents Nov 2007, telling them how I felt, since they never gave me the chance in person or on the phone. I said that they have hurt me enough and that they will not hurt me any more.

Here's the thing. I have gone through a lot, and I mean A LOT with my parents. Or I suppose I should say they put me throught a lot. I've been homeless TWICE because my dad REFUSED to work and we were evicted. Once we lived in a very very small rv, (5 of us and a cat) for an entire year. The other time my mom, dad, younger brother and I lived in a double cab pick-up for 5 months, traveling the country because we had nowhere to go. I have had to go hungry so many times that now I will never complain of being hungry again because I know what it is to actually starve. Besides all of that, I started working when I was 14 to bring income into our house. Up until I moved out from my parents when I was 21 EVERY SINGLE paycheck I ever made went to my parents while they wouldn't work, because they didn't want to. I wasn't ever ALLOWED to keep my money, get my own apartment or anything. My mom has even stolen my atm card and took all of the money out of my account before. I have honestly endured enough mental and physical abuse. Not to mention the guilt that my dad was so good at.

I guess I am just struggeling with all of this. I am happier now that I do not have the constant pain and stress in my life that I did when they were involved in it. But there are so many times that I am upset by what has happened. I am sad and very hurt that my own parents could treat me the way they have and that they do not show an ounce of remorse. I used to be a daddy's girl when I was little, and that seemed to quickly fade. In my teen years it seemed that I could talk to my dad about anything. That has also gone away. Things happened within his own life that changed him and made him a very bitter and hateful selfish person. I tried writing letters to my mom about 2 years ago, to try to get closer to her. It worked for a little while, as best it could have, then it just sort of feel by the way. I hurt now because I know that my mom follows whatever my dad does. She has NO reason to hate me, neither of them do.

Last Mother's Day my dad sent me a nasty text to my boyfriend's phone saying that I am a horrible daughter because I didn't call my mom. She didn't care about my birthday, about Christmas, but I'm the horrible one. I wonder why my mom can't just send me a letter and tell me that it's all just dad doing it, that she still loves me, but I guess he's got her so brainwashed that she will never do anything like that.

I am so sorry that this is so long. Thank you for reading it and allowing me to vent. I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me that it's okay to get away from such a horrible and hurtful situation, and that it's okay to hurt about it sometimes. I guess I'm just looking for somebody that has been in the same sort of position and understands.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied August 4th, 2008
Supporter
Yes! You have the right to happiness. It sounds like you're learning to take the responsibility for what is yours, which is great! Congratulations. You are not responsible for your parents' drinking, irresponsible behavior and general anger and discontent with like. You can love them, but from afar.

Many people go through this. You are not alone.

You might want to seek some help from ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) to learn more about it ... and to meet other people like you. Have you thought about going to counseling or seeking help from a psychologist?
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank rooted for this post: lil_scorpio 

User Profile
replied August 4th, 2008
Experienced User
rooted
Thank you. Yes, I have thought about counseling or speaking to a psychologist, but I do not think I can afford it right now. Where I used to work they had a phone service type of thing where you could call in and talk to professionals about such problems, but I lost my job in June and I don't think it is any longer available to me. I will look into ACOA though. I never knew that existed. Thanks again.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied August 5th, 2008
Supporter
You're welcome. Wink

ACOA meetings are held all over the country. Their website is: http://www.adultchildren.org/

You seem like a very positive person to have made it through such rough times with a great attitude. Focus on finding solutions and they will present themselves. Also, look for agencies (like the United Way) or universities who might run a sliding scale clinic for psychology in your area. Or consult a social worker who can help you locate the resources. You should be able to find a service for free to at least for a reasonable amount of money. I was going to counseling for a year in Colorado and paid $17 a session, which I could afford.

Good luck and let me know when you find a service that fits you!
|
Did you find this post helpful?