Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Suicide etc. people my age that are willing to talk ?

I cannot seem to escape suicidal thoughts... (Writing about my problems helps me identify them so I don't want any hateful comments, this is not for attention, this is for help)
It is aweful. My anxiety is horrible. I am now on trazadone, lexapro, and vistaril (3times daily)
My girl I knew killed herself today... She made a video And I watched it... She talked about how she felt... I have felt the same way... I wish we had talked more...
I know suicide is not the answer to my problems... But I can't seem to figure out what my problem really is... I asked my dad for a hug when I came home from work today (I'm 19) and I told him about the girl... Who he promptly insulted... I knew her dammit and he showed no compassion. That's all I wanted to see... Because I feel like that girl felt. I want to overdose on my medications... Just take them all and drink some alcohol... And hopeful never wake up... I am a coward.. I am selfish... I am ungrateful... I just want everything to stop... I don't want attention I just want to rant and get out my feelings somewhere safe where my parents can't judge me for it.

I hope people realize that they aren't alone... I wish I knew people my age that are willing to talk about this kinda stuff...

It would help... Maybe... Anyone know of any forums like that?
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replied May 6th, 2014
You're definitely not alone. I am actually jealous of the girl you knew. I still have obligations to to figure out that's the only reason I am still here but it won't be much longer. Rant all you want I will listen to you without judgment.
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replied May 7th, 2014
It's sad to see that the most valuable people on this earth are the ones whotake themselves off it.. I'm 16 and many a time have I felt like I wanted to just end it all. All I needed was one person to show me that they would miss me. Just one person. And I did. That person was someone I met randomly on a bench in the park.

There is someone out there who will understand you. I know it seems like it only happens to the lucky ones but I swear to you, if you are still alive today, There Is A Reason.

Please just let that reason show you.
I beg you.
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replied May 13th, 2014
Well I'm 4 years off your age but you probably wouldn't call me your age when you figured out i'm not 23, you can talk to me if you want, if not then don't reply as if my motives are to somehow hurt you, anyway PM me if your want to talk.
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replied May 24th, 2014
You're not alone. I hate everything, everyday. My parents/sister/friends don't understand, "you just need a holiday" that's what they keep telling me. I wish it were as simple as that, not just for myself, but for you and others out there who feel exactly how I do. What is the point in any of it? You live, you work your ass off to pay for material things and a mortgage/rent you can barely afford, then you die. We are slaves to a life we didn't want/ask for. The only solace I can offer is that you definitely are not alone.
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replied May 29th, 2014
Ya I don't think ending life really solves anything. It is a very selfish act. Usually people who do that are completely self absorbed and are not thinking about all the pain and agony they will inflict on those left behind.

Think about it this way, what if your mom or dad killed themselves. How would that make you feel? Do you really think their actions would improve your life? Probably not, in fact if you didn't have problems before that, you would after.

See most people who commit suicide are only thinking about themselves, are unhappy and just want the easiest way to make the unhappiness go away. They don't actually want to die. What they really want is to LIVE, to be happy, to be successful. Which they don't think they will ever get.

But your thoughts are not supposed to control you, you are supposed to control them!

If you really want your unhappiness to go away, don't let it drag you down, realize you are... what God made you.

A wonderful person.

What others say does not define who you are. That is a myth. You are defined by God and what He thinks of you. He thinks love towards you, no ill will. Who are you gonna believe?

Read the bible, find out who God is. Find a good church, where people will accept you as God does without judgment.

Renew your mind daily with what God says, positive things, not things that others say to drag you down.

A note of Caution:
Meds can cause depression to worsen, if you think this is the case, you need to tell someone.
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replied June 5th, 2014
i think i am a waste of sperm, an accident, and i have had suicidal thoughts, but dont let depression control you, depress it until its flattened. You will be able to live with yourself if you let yourself live/dont kill yourself, just dont let go, if your father wont be helpful for comfort, youre an adult, go see a doctor, go find someone to confide in, someone you can pour your feelings out to. Pray to god saying stuff like i want relief, and i believe if i pour my feelings out, you will guide me in the right direction. I believe in you, that you are a good person that dosent have to put out their suffering the hard and empty way, when you could live, and i mean really LIVE. Ill keep you in my prayers, and god bless you for seeking help before ending it all. Remember my dear: always look for light when there seems to be none. If you need to talk to someone, you can always talk to me, or anyone else you think you can trust to confide in. Im just a person who cares, and wants people to seek a better way out.
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replied June 6th, 2014
It makes me very sad to see all of the self-loathing on this forum. I wish I could hug you all. It is very important to realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, whether it is a difficult life circumstance or a period of depression, physical illness or other mental illness.

I have also dealt with suicidal thoughts and ideation for 3+ years, on and off. It was the worst at 16-18 due to a serious medical condition that required later surgery. I felt like a waste of space, imperfect and therefore not good enough to live. I also hated school and did not have any close friends because of my environment being unsupportive to my identity and my struggles, so that only worsened my condition and made me doubly as assured I should just end it all.

I saw a therapist because I realized that I was at a point where I was going to either take action to help myself or just cash it all in and either die or end up in a mental institution. I came to a breaking point one day when someone I knew reached out and told me that truth. I realized that I was wallowing in pity and feeling sorry for myself when hundreds of thousands of other people are suffering as I did, with conditions 100x worse than mine, and getting through it with hope, a smile and faith. I came to the awareness that my life DOES have value and my struggles did not define me. I knew it would not be easy to change my thinking, so I went on 30 Mg of Prozac in order to make sure I did not take action to hurt myself or take my life while I was trying to recover, since I had been at the breaking point and did not trust myself to be OK without therapy and medication.

2 years later, I'm off my medication and even though I am still struggling with things here and there I do not have the urge to kill myself. There IS hope, and it all starts with the desire to change your thinking. It is all mind over matter. Some of us have chemical imbalances that require lifelong medication, but even those of us who do have that can still improve our life quality by changing our thinking. Medication and suicidal thoughts are difficult but do not define who you are as a human being, and neither does your past, negative experiences, or imperfections. Every single human being has the same unit of value in this world. Please remember that when you compare yourself to others, or think you're not worthy to live.
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