Medical Questions > Mental Health > PTSD Forum

strong ptsd with byfriend's porn addiction

i have fallen deeply in love with a man, the first real true love of my whole life... i am 48. i have had ptsd since the age of 21. have multiple sexual traumas in my past. suddenly i discover my bf is addicted to porn. the 2 words i fear most in this world are rape, and porn. i do not wish to leave this man, we want to heal together. how do i cope with this most intense daily trigger of my life? i recently 'coped' with cutting. do not want to continue. also have the strong urge to injure my head in several manners. i am in both individual and group therapy already. will now go out and find a group for spouses of sex addicts. but until i can find that, i am looking for some online support. anything encouraging will be welcome. thanks.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper mommybren
|

replied December 21st, 2011
Dealing with the effects of sexual trauma can be a life long journey. It is wonderful you and your boyfriend are so open and honest with each other. Talk with him and try to figure out ways to deal with his porn addiction. If you cannot find any relief ask him to cut back or try to stop, this can be very difficult for most men. Ask him to go to counseling with you as a couple, this can help. Not sure if you are open to the idea of watching it with him, but there is "soft" porn which is not aggressive or violent in any way. Many couples watch it together, or make their own! Hope this helps...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 10th, 2012
I do not agree with using " soft porn" together. Very dangerous for someone with ptsd from sexual trauma faced with bf with porn addiction. He needs recovery just as you do, and seek, and receive.

Also, contrary to you healing snd him overcoming is giving in and selling yourself out psychologically to wean him from one sort of porn to another is imho, very dangerous to your sense of well being. Also compensating for his porn addiction by trying to replicate porn in life, and allowing yourself to possibly feel victimized by creating your own porn is dangerous too.
These are my opinions, just as the other poster has a right to their's, but mine come from experience and professional advice. To aid in his recovery you should not enable his sexual devience by bringing it into your bedroom where it could do you both more harm than good.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 10th, 2012
I do not agree with using " soft porn" together. Very dangerous for someone with ptsd from sexual trauma faced with bf with porn addiction. He needs recovery just as you do, and seek, and receive.

Also, contrary to you healing snd him overcoming is giving in and selling yourself out psychologically to wean him from one sort of porn to another is imho, very dangerous to your sense of well being. Also compensating for his porn addiction by trying to replicate porn in life, and allowing yourself to possibly feel victimized by creating your own porn is dangerous too.
These are my opinions, just as the other poster has a right to their's, but mine come from experience and professional advice. To aid in his recovery you should not enable his sexual devience by bringing it into your bedroom where it could do you both more harm than good.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 22nd, 2012
I have to agree with mommybren's comment. I've had partners who wanted to "spice up the bedroom" a bit and it was totally inappropriate given my past.

It's not my place to tell someone to break off a relationship, but if I were in the OP's position, I'd be looking for a new relationship, or some assurance that porn wouldn't be in the house and that he was working to break his porn addiction.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
What's the difference between substance abuse and addiction? Learn the basics and the science of addiction here....
Are some people more at risk than other of becoming drug addicts? Learn which factors influence addiction and how you can avoid developing the disease....
There are a wide range of signs and symptoms of drug addiction. Here we review the common physical, emotional and behavioral signs of addiction....