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Stress, depression relationship related.

Hi, i'm posting here because i need advice/help and it was the first hit on a google search i did. I thought maybe someone here might be able to help. I don't really know if what i need is relationship advice or if my issue lies elsewhere so i will explain what is going on and let you decide how to help.

In 2005 i met a girl that i immediately started a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with. I was 16 she was 19, we fell in love after a couple of weeks. (The relationship started pretty spontaneously, as in the moment we met) We stayed together for a year, and we battled with her husband whom she was trying to divorce. Eventually we got through that, but by the end i was emotionally tired and i walked away from it right when she was ready to take the next step in our relationship. I started dating my childhood ex, and eventually we married.

The thing is, i never got over the 19 year old...we'll call her Mira for privacy's sake. I've been in love with Mira the entire time i've been with the girl who is now my wife. I wanted to be with Mira again, but i felt as though i shouldn't because i did not want to be the guy that switches between ex girlfriends and hurts people for my own benefit. After a couple of years she finally got over me and moved on, had a couple of failed relationships and is now single.

I feel like i desperately "need" to be with her. Mira and i had a special relationship, we were very close and could easily read each others minds and still to this day tell each other everything even things that would normally be very private and not be appropriate to talk about to someone who your not like..married to. I've felt this way for many years, and feeling trapped and stressed from years of fighting and dealing with my wife's episodes of cheating...plus 3 years of difficult military service i started to act out and made inappropriate suggestions to Mira about restarting our relationship...without me divorcing my wife. At the time i really thought what i was suggesting sounded reasonable.

More recently my wife fell in love with a guy she met online while i was on deployment, i initially was ready to let go of our marriage and tried to pursue a legitimate relationship with Mira and while she..despite my imaturity in previous years was kind of interested but chose against it because she was at the time in a stable relationship that she wanted to stay in. Note please that we have gone years without talking because i've intentionally avoided her for the sake of my marriage.

When Mira ultimately said no, i realized i should have been focusing on my marriage all along..and i put alot of work into rebuilding our relationship only to find out on my next military deployment that she was never being serious and was still dating the guy she fell in love with. I broke down, became suicidal and was discharged. We did finally work things out, but i never did forget about my feelings for Mira.

Right now the situation is, my marriage is just about over. I have, after a 2 year silence befriended Mira and admitted to her what was going on with me all those years and how i had felt from the start. She is single, and i am going with her to a convention in july. My wife per my intervention is now friends with her ex lover, whom is actively trying to get her to date him again from what i can tell. I want badly to be with Mira, but she lives in San Diego and i am in Illinois we communicate via facebook. I don't know what to do, i feel like i'm losing my grip on reality or already have. I think i might turn to alcohol...

Should i give up on Mira? We still have a strong connection..and we both agreed mutually that we need to be in each other lives. I promised her i would not vanish on her again, she seem to be very happy about that.(she also has some emotional issues and thus far we're the only ones that seem to be able to help each other get over them)

Is there anything i can do to help myself? Do i have a chance with Mira? Should i even try? It's hard when i talk to her because i truly don't want to be just friends...although i would rather be friends than nothing at all. I'm afraid also that if i don't pursue her now, that she will cease to be single and i'll lose my chance.
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replied December 11th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
I think you should get together with Mira to see if there is anything to be rekindled. If you don't try you will forever beat yourself up about it.

Be warned that you cannot turn the clock backwards so it is no use depending on the memories of eight years ago and expecting things to be the same. You are both very different people now and so it will be a whole new relationship.

If things don't work out part as friends and move on to the next chapter with a clear conscience.

Good luck!
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