I've been somewhat isolated after dropping out of school several months ago. Which sent me into a depression(with bouts of slight derealization I think was probably caused by my insomnia that has since ended).

Which, to me, would seem like I'm coming up and out of it.

However, I've been having strange thoughts that are shocking, and frankly, scaring me..

They are somewhat compulsive, seemingly "popping" into my head. They're kinda violent; like commercials I once saw for the "Final Destination" franchise, only significantly less appalling.

These are especially unsettling because I'm a Buddhist! I'm appalled by violent video games and movies; I believe in non-violence at all costs(reading a book on Gandhi and am a big fan of HH Dalai Lama).

Is it from the depression? Is it OCD(which I've suspected that I may have, in the past)? Is it me trying to freak myself out with my own worst fear?

Any help would be greatly appreciated(especially from a doctor).

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replied April 19th, 2009
I should mention, they have been losing "intensity". And I don't fear I'm a threat to myself or others, I just think I might be screwed up.... Smile

I just worry about myself.
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replied August 2nd, 2011
Relating to your plight
Hey, Im not a doctor and cannot diagnose anything but can empathize with you. Over the course of the past year I too have had "strange thoughts" that seem to stem from a place of fear they come at me almost like an attack. Its as if my mind one day just turned on itself and was going to test just how much awfulness it could take. Like you I am very opposed to violence in movies and TV and video games. Though I try to steer clear of labels if I had to classify myself as any religion it would be Buddhist and have been meditating intensely for the past few years. Like I said Im not 100% sure the reason behind these thoughts but I do know one thing, the more I resist them and try to repress them by labeling them bad, the more out of control they tend to get. It has helped me to label them as "just thoughts" and not associate myself too strongly with them. Easier said than done but I try my best to look at them with an opportunity to learn a lesson... even if that lesson is too observe and see how my mind reacts to aversion. If there to the point where it just feels out of control I would recommend the website dharma seed the address is http://dharmaseed.org/
This has been a wonderful resource for guided meditations and talks. Specifically helpful were the talks regarding fear. Also I dont know if youre familiar with metta meditation but that really could do your heart some good. You can search for guided metta meditation through dharma seed or other search engines. Anyways encouraging thoughts and wishes your way.
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