Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

Straight Male in a relationship with a Bi woman

I recently started a relationship with a bisexual woman. When I initially met her I did not know she was bisexual. I had never met or been in a relationship with a bisexual person. I assumed she was straight because she was interested in me. After getting to know her, she told me that she had been with women sexually and had relationships with women. My girlfriend considers herself a very sexual person. She went on to tell me that she had many sexual experiences with men, threesomes with 2 women and 1 man, threesomes with 2 men and herself. She went on to describe that she has had many sexual experiences. Initially she didn't really tell me much about the details of what this meant. She describes always being sexually attracted to women and acting on it but being in relationships with men in her youth. Later in life she describes herself as a Lesbian. Having relationships with women and for a time not being interested in men. She ended her Lesbian life and started dating men again exclusively. She has not had a relationship or sex with a woman in about 10 years, but considers herself bisexual.

At first I wasn't threatened at all by her honesty. After all she is with me now. As time went on I became more and more jealous of her past sexuality. I really wanted to know more about it and understand what that means for us. I have had many discussions with her what her sexuality means for us. She has stated that what she wants is a monogamous long lasting relationship with me. She doesn't want or need to bring a woman into the mix. I was relieved to hear this as at this point I am very attached to my lady and don't want to share her with anyone. Initially when I heard that she is bisexual I was very jealous of any comment that she made regarding women. I regarded her comments as attraction and I felt I could not compete with a woman. I felt VERY insecure and could not stop images of her in imaginary scenarios with other people, man or woman. I have since talked to her about it more and feel more comfortable about our relationship. I in no way feel that she will cheat on me.

I think the only difficulty I have is that her sexuality is her own business and is kept somewhat secret. I feel that she keeps allot of her feelings and thoughts to herself. If I want to know anything I have to ask. It feels very onesided. To compound that there really isn't anyone or place to discuss this from a straight persons standpoint.
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First Helper health096y
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replied March 16th, 2011
Not a single response?
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replied July 14th, 2011
Same situation!
I'm in the exact same situation anniesball. How has everything been going between you and your girlfriend?
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replied March 24th, 2012
Hello, im in that very same situation. I would like to know how you guys are doing,nothing indebt but just want to know if it has worked out for the two of you. My lady is very sexual and likes women but only on a physical level, I too feel as if I cant compete with this. She has expressed that she only wants to be in a relationship with me. she did tell me that she was bi when we first started dating and I thought I would be able to handle it but I too am feeling insecure.i just want to understand, I firmly believe there are many relationships and married people like this. She has been the best woman I have ever been with and dont want to lose her. Please help
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replied March 25th, 2012
Hello, im in that very same situation. I would like to know how you guys are doing,nothing indebt but just want to know if it has worked out for the two of you. My lady is very sexual and likes women but only on a physical level, I too feel as if I cant compete with this. She has expressed that she only wants to be in a relationship with me. she did tell me that she was bi when we first started dating and I thought I would be able to handle it but I too am feeling insecure.i just want to understand, I firmly believe there are many relationships and married people like this. She has been the best woman I have ever been with and dont want to lose her. Please help
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replied May 2nd, 2012
Health096y,
I'm sort of on the other side here. I'm a woman, I've been with a man I'm very in love with for about five years, but we are just now discussing my attraction to women (and lack of attraction to men).

You say you feel very insecure/jealous about her feelings, but you wish she would express them more? I'm sorry but that doesn't make much sense to me. Naturally she is not going to talk about it if she knows it upsets you.
I care very much about my partner, and the last thing I want is to hurt him in any way. I don't volunteer much information at all about this subject, because I don't want to add to the insecurities he might have. We're staying together so there is no reason to cause him grief by going on about it.

If she only wants to be with you, believe her. There's no need to worry unless her actions contradict her words.
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