Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Story of Emotional and Physical Abuse Due to Mental Illness

I know this is extremely long but I'm going into detail because I think it is important and I haven't seen a story quite like this one anywhere on the internet. This is not really a survivor story since I am still in the relationship. I am wondering though, who can relate to this and if there is anyone out there who might understand me.
I'm madly in love with my boyfriend. We've together for about a year. Our relationship wasn't exactly kosher from the beginning. He was still married and was only temporarily separated from his wife when I met him. I didn't know the full story until about 5 months into our relationship. He said he fell in love with me and it was different than anything he'd ever felt. The truth is we did fall in love, it was like the Notebook or something.
I found out very quickly after meeting him that he has severe ODC, anxiety and depression. I also found out later in the relationship that he has also been diagnosed years ago with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and with an inability to cope. Shortly after meeting me, he was cutting himself and threatening to commit suicide. His mental illness has been a problem and has taken everything from him his entire life. From the beginning of our relationship, I was determined and even promised him to not let his mental illness take me away too.
Even though we started dating when I was 23, he is my first boyfriend and I cherish that he is the only one who has ever had my heart. I have, however, had other sexual partners throughout the past couple of years. This, after about a month into the relationship, became very hard for him to cope with. He is extremely jealous and developed ODC of thought about the other people I have had slept with. He started asking me questions about my sexual encounters and after months, the questions became more and more intense. He has to know every single detail about everything I've ever done with anyone else from sex, to details about the things in their room, to details about the way they person looked. Some days he asks hundreds of questions. These questions are not easy to answer because they are so detailed and he will get extremely angry if I don't know the answer to the question, he doesn't like the answer to the question, or if the question doesn't reconcile with a question he asked before. At this point, almost all questions he asks are ones he knows the answer to because he wants to make sure I'm not lying. He is constantly accusing me of lying about my answers. This is what makes him the most angry.
We also have problems with his physical ODC which gets better and worse with time. His physical OCD makes him think things are dirty because of an argument or even a thought he has. This is hard to deal with because there are a million changing rules with his OCD (i.e. don't touch this thing until I do this) and it has caused me to lose a lot of control. These issues, combined with his religious guilt and guilt over leaving behind his previous life has caused us both to fall into the darkest holes in our lives.
When we met, I had a job with a nonprofit I had worked with for a while and was living with my sister and her boyfriend since I had just moved back to my hometown from out of state. By about four months into our relationship, I lost that job due to absences that happened because I was dealing with his episodes of depression or anger. Around that time, my sister's lease was running out. His Dad got his pension, from which, he gave us thousands of dollars. With that money, we got an apartment with everything we wanted. Neither of us had jobs and we blew the money in about three weeks. Since then, we have been constantly struggling for money and I have lost two other jobs for the same reason.
Before I go into more about the abuse, I want to say, and this may be uncommon in the realm of stories of abusive relationships but, my boyfriend is not a bad person. His mind tortures him and he is constantly fighting. He is smart, caring and passionate. But unfortunately, I cannot deny the fact that he is very abusive toward me. The abuse (particularly the physical abuse) is triggered by his thoughts about my past and is heightened by anxiety, lack of money (especially when we run out of weed which is our only escape) and sometimes alcohol. The first time he physically abused me was a couple weeks after the questions started. He put his hand almost to my neck as if to choke me and pushed so hard it left a bruise on my collar bone. Then, a few days later he punched me in the arm for the first time and left a bruise. After this, every couple weeks there would be an episode of physical abuse. It got worse as months went by and he started hitting me with things like belts and other household items. I've constantly had bruises and on my body for basically all of this year. There have also been weeks where the hitting happens every day and the nature of the abuse has become more and more evil. He feels totally out of control when this is happening and I know it has to do with his bipolar disorder. In these manic episodes, he is also very emotionally abusive, calling me names and degrading me.
I've distanced myself from my family and friends because its hard to keep these relationships going when I am so focused on my boyfriend's well-being. He has also, out of anger, messaged people who are most close to me, either to get me in trouble for something or to ask if I could stay with them since he was so mad (which usually doesn't end up happening which has caused my friends and family to become more and more impatient with me). I tried for a long time to keep going to church and to see my mom at least once a week but that has become ever-increasingly difficult. My closest family and friends barely know half of what is going on (though they expect abuse) and I feel they judge me for not leaving him. I understand but they have no idea how I feel and it has become hard for me to relate with other people.
As if this is not all bad enough, there is another huge problem that we have which stems from his OCD thoughts about my past. Since I have had sex with more people than he has (he was with his wife since he was about 16), and there are things I have done with other people that he has not, he often feels that he has to sleep with other people now. Since I am also a jealous person, this does not work well at all in our relationship and between this and the physical abuse, our love is dying. A good chuck of the money his dad gave us went to him sleeping with strippers and taking girls on dates. The first time he cheated on me, it was in a strip club while I sat in the car crying. I thought my love for him would die but it didn't and I forgave and tried my best to understand him. Until this week, he had not slept with anyone that he didn't pay for (though he did have oral sex with two people). Now, I think he has finally done it. He went on a date with some girl he was talking to a lot (like a lot more than usual). He's now been gone for two days now and has barely been talking to me. He's never done anything like this. Whenever he cheats, it happens fast, he's honest about it (even before it happens) and he come back apologetic and loving. He says this is what he has to do and when he's done it'll be better. It hard to believe and its hard for me to separate what he needs to do with what he doesn't.
Another thing I didn't mention, he has become, just in the past couple weeks, very upset over divorcing his wife. Apparently its just hitting him now that he still loves her and is sad to see her go. Its all extremely upsetting and confusing.
Right now, everything in my life feels out of control I have no job, no car and no phone (he's broken 4 of my phones). I am very depressed and my self-confidence has been shattered. I have been successful at most everything I have done throughout my life and in the past year everything has fallen apart, from my career, to my credit, to my heart and my mind. I know anyone on here will tell me to end the relationship because things are dangerous and damaged beyond repair. He has yet to try to get psychological help and I am currently looking for a psychologist for myself. I'm hoping he will start going if I do. I may have to end it. But a huge part of me still loves him so much and has hope for our future. I know I sound crazy but if you can at all relate, or feel you can give some support, please reach out.
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