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Stool refusal, holding and involuntary passing stool

My son is now almost 9 years old and from time to time he feels the need to go to the toilet for stool, he hold it till he involuntary pass it. This has been going for 3 years on and off and I tried everything, encouraging and punishing nothing helped!
Most of the times he say that he do not like to go to the toilet or he do not want to waste time in the toilet. Any idea what can I do?
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replied June 20th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Its not unusual and usually it passes when a realisation emerges it is socially more acceptable to have clean underpants to display in communal changing rooms and suchlike and when the testosterone terrorists kick in and he becomes interested in girls, visits to the lavatory before things become dramatic and anti-social take on a new importance...

If he is an otherwise fairly rational sort of boy you could try explaining something about the digestive process, about how the excrement is formed and how the bowel is intended to be only a very temporary storage area and he is hurting his body by resisting the signals his body sends when it is time to get rid of the waste...

Constantly resisting those signals can disrupt them a great deal and therefore cause great inconvenience throughout life as well as increasing the risk of hemaeroids with the attendant pain...

Some opinions are this behaviour stems from an unsatisfactory potty training and this might be partly true but I feel the privacy we demand for bodily functions in our society and the way polite conversation excludes talk about "toilet things" and lavatorial humour must also be questioned!
Do you tell him when you feel the need to empty your bowel and then describe the result of your efforts and express the feeling of lightness and relief it gives you and how that helps your mind to work better?
Do you openly defecate while your son is taking a bath or shower in the same room or do you sneak away without comment and lock the door behind you?

It is quite possible he doesn't like to visit the lavatory - they can be scary places for small people and any unpleasant things that happen while we are small can stay with us for years...

Perhaps the lavatory pan and seat is too high for him to feel safe or he doesn't like the cold touch of the seat - he might prefer to squat like much of the rest of the world does - it is healthier that way too!
Perhaps he finds defecating uncomfortable or even painful? A change of diet might help with more dietary fibre and more clear fluids...

Making him launder his own underwear might concentrate his mind or face the possibility of wearing nappies or diapers again...

Many psychologists would say this behaviour is symptomatic of some other unrelated deep-seated trauma or complex...
The comedians would say it is indicative of the sort of selfish personality that makes people "careful" with money, probably either because they had too many toys or not enough...

Punishment is unlikely to work, though encouragement and possibly rewards might show some positive results in time but open and friendly discussion and understanding is likely work best and peer pressure best of all...

Best of luck and please come back with some progress reports...
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