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Spermatophobia/OCD/Anxiety

Hello, I found your helpful website while wildly searching online for hours trying to find a confidential way to get some advice. In order for me to explain my situation fully I'll have to provide details that may seem a little NSFW. I'll start off by saying I am 22 years old and I've only been sexually active for about 3 years, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and a mild case of OCD, which I get from my mother and is brought on by myself and overthinking. I self diagnosed myself with Spermotophobia, the fear of sperm/germs ect. I first realized something wasnt quite right when I lost my virginity, i made my partner (finish) far away from me, even though he was in the bathroom and i was far away i started gagging and shaking at the thought of his sperm. Fast forward to now, and my anxiety over this has intensified, theres been a handful of times that i can remember where it didn't bother me and I could go about my day, but for the most part i find myself having intense panic attacks and sweating, even vomitting at the thought or the sight of semen. It didn't get this bad until a year after I lost my virginity, my current partner and fiance has some idea that i have a fear of his semen but of course nobody really can understand it unless dealt with firsthand or they are an OCD/Anxiety sufferer themselves. Recently the other day we dabbled in anal and while i enjoy it thourougly, i also want to please him and by doing so i allow him to (finish) inside my rectum, i love making him happy but i of course worry about myself and my health and wellbeing, anyway, afterward I found myself sprinting to the bathroom and breaking down in tears, shaking violently and gripping my head as though I could somehow stop the flow of my thoughts, i then began vommiting and that made me cry even harder because why the hell am i freaking out over my beloved fiances sperm? I feel completely helpless, and i cant bring myself to talk about it unless its with a stranger. Im afraid this will get worse and i dont know what to do, please help me.
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replied April 10th, 2018
Hello and welcome to EHF !

I went through your query and i believe this obsessive-compulsive disorder is the cause of yours spermatophobia. You need high doses of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors like fluoxetine for paroxetine and few sessions of psychotherapy. Anxiety and panic attacks need some anxiolytics and supportive care. I am sure you will be able to cope up with your this anxiety and fear soon with slight help. Just let your psychiatrist decide what is best for you.

Take care
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