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something invisible binding me, holding me back.

I'm not really sure what's going on in my head. One moment, I'm all depressed and quiet and the other moment I'm all happy and well......just way too cheerful.

Sometimes I get this feeling that I'm worthless and that am a really bad person. In moments like those, i hug myself in the dark corner of my room and start crying for a long time. Again, sometimes, I'm all bright and shiny, beaming at everyone who pass by me.

I live in a hostel, far from home. Sometimes, I really miss mom and cry like there's no tomorrow. However, often when she gives me a call, I snap at her and well....act really rude towards her.

I'm a really lazy person and the least social. I find it difficult to talk to people face to face (especially those of the opposite sex) unless I know them for a long time. This caused troubles for me 'cause some of my facebook friends interpreted my actions in the wrong way, thinking I'm ashamed of being around them which is truly not the case.

I've been trying after all those incidents, to free myself and approach people but there's always something invisible binding me, holding me back.

I have terrible anger issues which subside once I listen to music. So yeah, music sorta soothes me and all.

Then I've the lack of want to defend something I really like no matter how angry I get. Maybe I'm just a coward.

I have loads of friends. They say, 'you can always share your thoughts and anxieties with friends'. However, I find it way too difficult. I lack trust. It's either they're not trying to reach out to me or vice versa.

I feel like my life is screwed and I feel incredibly lonely. Even when I'm among my friends, I sort of get aloof and well, I feel alone.

Any suggestion as to how I can get rid of this thing? Whatever it is?
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replied June 9th, 2012
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Well honestly, I think you're showing some symptoms of bipolar disorder. The best suggestion I can give you is to go see a doc--if it is bipolar, you're probably going to need some help to beat it. Therapy and medication is often the front line treatment for such things, and usually pretty effective, though it can be a long-term thing.

Hope things turn out for you.
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replied June 9th, 2012
But there's a problem with seeing a doc. Mom's gonna freak out. Unfortunately, my mom thinks that seeing a psychologist=turning psycho.
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