A letter I wrote to my boyfriend who I want to move out and forget I ever knew, what do you think?

Paul - I am writing this to you because from what I have observed from your behavior, you seem to only hear what you want to hear when I speak to you, that is if you don't aggressively cut me off with some ridiculous counter point, and also, you twist what I say into "Paul's version" of what you'd like to believe is going on. It is especially frustrating, because most of the time, you do this IN SPITE of concrete physical facts, facts that you twist around and deny: things like, times, the reality of what happens (you just deny things that have happened ever did or completely twist things around), past exchanges/plans, etc. Also, you are constantly putting me down by singling out past experiences I've had, that I've trustingly and intimately shared with you, and then throwing them in my face. You seem to constantly make threats to my well being, physical and otherwise and also seem to enjoy threatening any of the little sense of security and safety I have. This is absolutely stunning to me that you do this, especially since you know that I am having a hard time even functioning due to the traumas I've experienced over the past two years and also, because you had promised to be loving and supportive as I try to heal. I believe people who behave as I've described above are self serving bullies. I also believe it is a real sign of selfishness that you care so little about inconveniencing others by being so drastically later than you say you will be ALL THE TIME! Lateness is so disrespectful and no one deserves habitual lateness. Chronically showing up 1,2,3 hours late is rude and indicates that someone is a completely self centered. It's just so discourteous, and then you apologize over and over and over again and say it won't happen again, but the NEXT DAY, it does! What would happen to you if you were chronically 2 or 3 hours late for work? Maybe you'd get a talking-to if you were lucky, but eventually you'd be disciplined and fired. But you act like I'm a b**** for sticking up for myself! How would YOU feel if I did that to YOU over and over and over and over and over again, especially after I had apologized and said I wouldn't anymore? The complete disregard, disrespect, and dismissing of me and my feelings is UNACCEPTABLE to me in a partner. It happens time and time again, and it's just not OK. And the physical threats, belittling, and screaming are total turnoffs and deal breakers. You are just not the quality of man I want in my life. Circumstances being as they are, I would hope you would be a decent person and move out. I have no attraction to you anymore (the disregard for me and you bullying/ abuse have ruined it for me, sorry) and no desire to share myself or my life with you; furthermore, you are contributing to me being a person I don't want to be instead of lifting me up in love. However, being that you are indeed a bullying, rude, disrespectful, uncaring, inconsiderate, and self serving person, I doubt you WILL do the decent thing and move out. Redeem yourself and leave lest I lose all respect for you entirely , for, as you know, if I leave I will be in an unsafe and desperate situation. I feel so trapped and sad. And last night? Coming home 2 hours later than you said you would, coming home wasted, aggressively yelling and spitting in my face, physically attacking and intimidating me, throwing my problems in my face and calling me wh***, c**t, and b****, and threatening to force me to go to a homeless shelter on a freezing cold night truly fail to inspire loving feelings towards you. I just want a peaceful life and want you out of it. I don't wish for you to counter this letter or apologize, because I am DONE. If you are truly sorry, shut up and move out. I've no interest in repairing our relationship, and I don't trust or respect you. I am sorry if this is harsh and unforgiving, but I simply can't take anymore. I am so exasperated, this is the best I could do to express myself with any sort of kindness and humanity. Please leave.
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First Helper verne01

replied February 7th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
The letter is fine as far as it goes but I don't think the man described in it will have the patience or intelligence to read it as it is a little too Charles Dickens as far as literary effort.

I suggest you cut it to the bare bones of simplicity so even he can understand what you are saying and divide into paragraphs separated by a margin and if you want to list a few things use some bullet points. That way he might not get too bored to read to the end.

Brevity is an acquired art form that unfortunately wasn't on the curriculum when I was at school but I feel your letter and the person it is aimed at is crying out for brevity.

How about something like:

Your verbal torrents and constant ill-mannered behaviour towards me has tested my patience to beyond the limit of my endurance and robbed me of my dignity; it ends here.

I have made arrangements with your parents/your best friend/relative/drinking buddy for you to stay with them/him/her for a few days until you find other accommodation.
Everything you will need is already there and I have changed the locks. Please do not make a fuss as I will have no hesitation about calling the police.

When you have found somewhere suitable make an appointment with me to collect the rest of your belongings and I might or might not be present. If I choose to be here I will be chaperoned, by a police officer if possible.


It really is pointless appealing to a person's better nature when he clearly hasn't got one and it is pointless giving him the choice between him leaving and you being the sacrificial goat.
Possession, as they say, is nine-tenths of the Law and just now you need to concentrate on the decisions you can make for your own benefit. Just now it would be foolish and demeaning to do anything else.

Listing the many reasons for your action will merely offer him a list of things to argue and disagree about. As your mind is already made up further argument and discussion is pointless and will simply make a difficult thing more difficult. The reason you are doing this is to end such things and not to continue them.

It is your job now to recapture and maintain your dignity as far as you can and not to try and protect his dignity while you are doing it...

I hope this helps.
Good luck!
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replied February 7th, 2014
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