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so alone. after the second hospital stay i had no support

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i'm 36, 12 weeks pregnant, have been in a relationship for 4 years. My ex boyfriend finished our relationship about 2 weeks ago. We already have a 2 year old together so we both thought another child would be a great addition to the family.

I have suffered from hyperemesis since week 5 and had a couple of hospital stays. When i came home after the second hospital stay i had no support from him (i didn't have any support from him after the first hospital stay either)...always too busy working. He told me we always argue over the same things and never progress. So he finished the relationship.

I was in shock, my initial reaction was to have a termination. He wanted me to keep the baby but i couldn't believe he would dump me let alone while pregnant. I asked him to come to the doctors with me so i could arrange a termination. He said he would but its not what he wants. I didn't want him to dump me but i was determined i was going to get my life back. I had the appointment for termination which was for next week. He told me i was mad and told me he hoped i could live with it.

Since then, and getting alot of support over the phone from my sisters and friends they have made me realise that i shouldn't terminate just because he was being a tw*t. I then had a change of heart and agreed no way am i killing a living thing just because of someone elses actions. He was happy that i changed my mind.

I have my first antenatal scan today which i'm abit worried about because the hyperemesis has eased off alot and other pregnancy symptoms have gone like painful breasts and other things.

I have decided i want to move back to be with my sisters which is about a 4 hour car journey away from here. He isn't happy because of our 2 year old as he wont get to see her. But i really cant deal being in the same village as him, it is going to kill me when i see him with someone else.

He isn't coming to the scan with me because he is working. I love him and this whole situation hurts so much. People have told me i will find someone else even though it doesn't feel like it now. But i don't want anyone else. He says he loves me but how on earth can someone do this to someone they love.

I really think i'm going to have to get counselling because i don't know how to deal with it.
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replied May 21st, 2012
You can do this! Stick close to those who love and support you, like your sisters, and don't be afraid to seek counseling if you feel like you need it. What you're going through is emotionally traumatizing - don't be ashamed to seek outside help. The guy's a tool - don't try to understand it, just move on and learn to enjoy your life and be happy again. It will be hard but you can do it!
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replied May 22nd, 2012
Thank you for your reply MaudeWoman. Im now 16 weeks pregnant and in a much better frame of mind. Its helped because my ex has been a complete !**@!. He is already in a new relationship which im ok with because its a rebound thing and ive read up on rebound relationships and its usually done by people who cant deal with the split. He is also covered in lovebites which makes him look like a tramp and am quite frankly disgusted just at the sight of him.

Today i feel very very lucky to be free of him. Ive gone through weeks of hell and im sure i will have my bad days to come but am a lot more positive Smile
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replied May 22nd, 2012
Thank you for your reply MaudeWoman. Im now 16 weeks pregnant and in a much better frame of mind. Its helped because my ex has been a complete !**@!. He is already in a new relationship which im ok with because its a rebound thing and ive read up on rebound relationships and its usually done by people who cant deal with the split. He is also covered in lovebites which makes him look like a tramp and am quite frankly disgusted just at the sight of him.

Today i feel very very lucky to be free of him. Ive gone through weeks of hell and im sure i will have my bad days to come but am a lot more positive Smile
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replied June 12th, 2012
pregnant and really...alone
My steady partner of 3.5 years plagued me for over a year to let us have a child together. I was on contraceptives, which i eventuallu, and i have to admit reluctantly stopped. I was hesitant, because i saw selfish traits in him that made me wary. But he was so good with his two kids, that after a while i became convinced that everything would be ok. I wanted to have at least one child, but having come out of a good relationshyip that went downhill, i wanted it to be with the right person. I wasnt convinced he was the right person, but at 35, i knew i was taking chances waiting any longer.

Well, when i missed my period, took the test and it came up positive and i told him...he immediately started acting strange. At first i was angry...then i became very depressed. I cried and cried, felt like i was going to die. My 'morning' sickness started at 8 weeks exactly, and everyday was hell for me, all day. I was sure i would lose my baby from the stress and the crying and the hurt. He ignored me for about two months. Whenever i called, i was greeted with coldness. I could not believe i was in this situation. I had waited so long to have a child, and now that it had happened, i couldnt even embrace it.

After a while, I THOUGHT he was coming around...but im 29 weeks now...and i'm still unhappy. He is still selfish and cold for a most part. He comes to my appiontments but seems detached, and in-between, i rarely see him. if i bring up the topic of loneliness, and his general lack of attention/care towards me, it turns into an argument. I live alone. When i get home from work is the worst. Last night i unexpectedly burst out in tears and i felt my baby was crying too. I need so much emotional and financial support right now, but i dont get either. My moms' deceased, and family arent close by.

So i am essentially alone. I have no idea what will happen to me when i get bigger, and more tired and need someone physically around. I pray, i cry, i pray. My heart is broken and i'm so hurt. I look to my baby for comfort, and i feel so guilty, having been so unhappy these past few months.

I wish i had the strength and the faith right now to say 'its going to be ok'....but the truth is, i dont know that it will be. the only think i can hope for, is a healthy baby and good health for myself to care for my little one. I am so greatful that so far i havent had any complications...i would be all on my own if i did, so i have that to thank God for.
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replied June 13th, 2012
Jamgurl, your story has touched me. I agree, it is very lonely being pregnant and single. But when the person who you thought loves you turns their back on you at such a critical part of your life there is no alternative. I am 20 weeks on monday and i have my anomaly scan next tuesday. I have asked my ex if he wants to go only so he can see for the first time what a !**@! he has been and what he will be missing. Plus i know it will make his girlfriend uncomfortable knowing her boyfriend is spending time with the ex he got pregnant on purpose. He has done absolutely nothing for me after promising he would be there for me and the baby when he dumped me. You really have to dwell on all the awful things about the person. How awful they have made you feel. But also, how lucky you are not to have them around anymore. Since all this has happened my friends have been great and supportive. Im hoping you have a good network of family and friends because when they know how desperate you feel they really become the support you need. Also i think getting rid of the thought that its important to have a guy in your life will help. You didnt love them before you met them, your heart was conditioned to love them because of the relationship and you can uncondition your heart, if that makes sense. I wish you all the best with you, your pregnancy and your new baby. x
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replied June 13th, 2012
Jamgurl, your story has touched me. I agree, it is very lonely being pregnant and single. But when the person who you thought loves you turns their back on you at such a critical part of your life there is no alternative. I am 20 weeks on monday and i have my anomaly scan next tuesday. I have asked my ex if he wants to go only so he can see for the first time what a !**@! he has been and what he will be missing. Plus i know it will make his girlfriend uncomfortable knowing her boyfriend is spending time with the ex he got pregnant on purpose. He has done absolutely nothing for me after promising he would be there for me and the baby when he dumped me. You really have to dwell on all the awful things about the person. How awful they have made you feel. But also, how lucky you are not to have them around anymore. Since all this has happened my friends have been great and supportive. Im hoping you have a good network of family and friends because when they know how desperate you feel they really become the support you need. Also i think getting rid of the thought that its important to have a guy in your life will help. You didnt love them before you met them, your heart was conditioned to love them because of the relationship and you can uncondition your heart, if that makes sense. I wish you all the best with you, your pregnancy and your new baby. x
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replied July 31st, 2012
Why does this happen so often to other people. I'm 36 weeks pregnant and when I was with my ex he acted strange and come to found out he was cheating on me with a girl he worked with. We have been on and off since the first big breakup but each time he breaks up with me is so he can date someone else so I have given up on him. He still haven't paid for anything and only went to a few doctors appointment. Now he ignores me and doesn't answer any my calls. So I guess I'm doing this alone for good.
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