Medical Questions > Parenting > Single Parents Forum

Single Mom 3 month old baby

F-26 single mom, working on MAsters degree now and working fulltime. My bf of 51/2 yrs ahd a healthy supprotive and understanding relationship. We both got alogn well with each others family and I broke it off April 2007. Apparently he was cheating on me adn was confused with which of the women to choose and still have me as his main lady. I wasn't having that. He mentioned in March 07 that he needs some space and he wasn't ready fro marriage prob not until the next 5 yrs yadi yadi yadi ya when all along he said he wanted a family and married by the time he is 30. He is 29. I said it was over 2x before but I figured we could work it out and it was just a phase. Prior to the breakup statement he was very obsessive and said I was stressing. All the time we were dating. I heard he said he got tired of me etc and is now with a girl who is a mother of 3, had issues with her children's father and works in the same hotel as he does. I learnt she said he was sexy when she gave him a massage one time. Now I always complimented my bf but he would act all shy and said no I have all the looks. Could it be he was just with me because I was intelligent, independent and strong?

Point- We held it together for sometime in march, made love a couple to times. The last tiem prior to me getting pregnant, I told him I want to work it out but he never said anything so I took my cue meaning he didn't want it and was confused so I decided not to call etc. I started talking and going out with another guy and we had intercourse 2x and that was it. March 29 being the last time. My ex visited April 3 the same day the sor tof new guy wasat my house and he was abusive verbally etc. Guess he figured he could walk back in. I am not for nonsense. He wanted to knwo what the guy was doing in my room etc. The saem day my ex bf abused me and we had unprotected intercourse and a baby came about. I todl him I was pregnant but he believed it was the other guys baby. He tried to contact me nwo and again but I cannot take on the inconsistency etc. He wants me to bring the daughter by his mom to make sure it's his child and I figure from all the things he did and tried to trash me I don't want anything to do with him. He complains to everyone he meets because he doesn't want to be responsible.; If he comes a a mature guy and speak to me I would consider him being part of the child's life but I do not want my chidl to be around him or his new gf because I think he is unstable. I learnt he is smoking pot now, and his new gf texts and curses me. Well she stopped now. What should I do? This was very long but over a yr now I'm tryign to let go.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied April 15th, 2008
wow you have caught yourself in a mess. this happens alot and all of the time. your ex is very unsupportive , and dont even try to get back or even talk to him.. what a fool!! ... anyway ifs its possible move away from your home for a lil while and stay somewhere else. it really works. if you have enough of money a nanny would really help as of now. IGNORE him tottaly.remember you can even protect yourself by law and if he is doing drugs you can always take this matter to court.law is on your side. dont be afraid !!! u need to be strong.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2008
Thanks for the views coolhenny13. I got the baby in Dec 29, 07 and I was on vacation from October. I am now back at work. We live 10mins apart walking distance but I don't see him. He works from 7am - 4pm back then and I work from 8 - 4pm but our paths didn't cross much when we were together unles it was after work, we'd drop in on each other lunch time or weekends and we'd spend time together in the night. I have been avoiding any situation with him. From time to time private calls show up on my cell phone but I don't answer. His father and I attend the same church and by coincidence I bumped into him when coming from changing my baby's diaper. I said to him this is your granddaughter and he said yes he heard i had the baby but he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't live with my ex and his mother and bros. He was married b4 and from what i learnt didn't treat his present wife good. They live apart. I guess this lead to the unstable nautreof their son my ex. I have not said anything to his mom because I don't see her and I am nto takign my baby over there to prove anything. I feel so much better now he is out of my life and he could have been a man and go his way rather than pretending. We are all human but I think individuals need to act mature. So I'm working, taking care of my baby, my mom babysits because she just retired and I'm doing really well. I heard he said how I am slim which I've always been I had no baby weight aside from my tummy. The baby resembles both of us to the max but I won't put my child through any mess. I'll protect her and explain to her as she gets older. For now I am chilling and hoping to go into antoher relationship with a mature person in future and let my over be over.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2008
great seriously fantastic. im so happy for you. you are one of those brave mommys. i wish i could be there as a friend right now to support you.but if you do ever need help please let me know. im good at the advice part lol .what im really happy about is that you decided to bring up the baby by urself and not opted for an abortion. u know people these days right...i suggest you dont rush to find love really fast , find someone really really mature like you said , even if the guy happens to be 10 years older.i dont think you need to consult anyone from his family ne more and as long u have a hold of the child tthts more than enough. this might be too private but it would be great if you had a picture of how your baby looks.i love babys Smile cutest things in the world
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2008
Thank you. I have been doing ok. I have not spoken to anyone close to him about my baby and I really prefer people not asked has he come to visit his daughter. I just don't want it on my mind or brought up in a convo. I get along really well with one of my ex's sisterin law, his niece and nephew. They try to enquire from time to time but I tell them it's his choice and I have made mine. If I see his relatives, I say hi and go my way that's it. We live in the same town and that is not going to change. I love my baby and I'm thankful that I am a mother. So I continue to be positive and be a cautious and strong woman.

*I have to check on uploading pics on this site. never ddid it
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 15th, 2008
u can send the pics via msn if u want :S
|
Did you find this post helpful?