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single just a fantasy for others...

im 35, and my life hasnt changed in forever...im a beautiful woman..more like a fantasy for men despite just being normal down to earth cool funny etc--doesn't matter...im still treated like an object. all men either try to use abuse torture or reject me not much else. they are super turned on by me but no guy will date me and all of them treat me like a freak. gee I look like i shud be in hollywood...unique exotic beautiful girl next door hometown girl look...it makes no sense. i dont even look my age...i look like im 25 still-- im still trying to stay young..b/c my life has been so bad...and i havent had anything..not even sex and a virgin. i HAVE to stay young and beautiful..if i don't then my youth will be totally wasted which it has been. i even want sex??? fun?? foreplay...i can't get it from a guy??? no joke..guys get around me..they won't do normal fun things with me sexually...all they want to attempt to do is like...do bizarre things like attempt to 'jerk off' near me, or do something derogatory to me. no,..they wont touch me massage me nothing. men HATE to give me pleasure...it's crazy/weird/backwards. i have to tell a man to touch my butt...then he calls me 'weird' for asking him...huh?? any sexual interaction between me and a male is a nightmare...men dont treat me like a super beautiful hot sexy woman...they treat me like a freak...but they will sexually pamper ugly/fat women. when you're young and sexy....trust me you want to do fun sexual things...ive never had a relationship where ive had 'sexual fun' or a 'sex' life'...its crazy sick strange. i cant even fathom that this is my life..it feels like a bad trip or something. parallel universe. men don't touch me normally...then just try to call me weird and run off... I could be a playboy model im just that hot...i ooze sexuality...but men's response to my hotness is 'running away, rejecting me' weird bizarre sh*t.

its like im a fantasy for men to just look at and abuse not much else. men can't be around me without huffing puffing and breathing heavy...men can't look at me without breathing heavy...yet all men do is sexually reject me? something isn't right here...how can you 'control yourself' and run away from a beautiful woman who wants anything sexual from or with you? this is illogical and disturbing...something is just wrong with the men out there today--instead of men wanting to be with me or pleasure me or get intimate--they only enjoy..rejecting me, making fun of me, or putting me down--that's it. or screwing with me leading me on thats it...again huh??? but they will gladly get with a female who is less attractive, ugly, anything..anything but a very gorgeous hot woman...again huh???
i cant handle it anymore...i dont get it...im scared to evenask a guy to do anythign with me? last night i went to a concert with a stranger off the net...we had been chatting for a week or two but hadnt met. when we met..the MINUTE he saw me...you KNOW he wanted to reject me... now him---ugly weird skinny white trash weirdo..literally...just a creepy weird person. now it's a WEIRD world where you as a beautiful normal pretty girl is getting REJECTED by weirdos youre meeting off the internet....why do men treat my BEAUTY or being pretty...something that is a POSITIVE thing as something negative?? how can this be??? this guy---couldn't reject me---he already bought tickets and we had planned this and i set it up this way because i KNWE if we met beforehand he most likely would have said said no right away... how crazy is this??? a BEAUTIFUL girl scared of getting rejected by UGLY MEN who has to PLAN in order to not get rejected...this is backwards parallel sh*t right???

i cuold TELL by the way he was looking at me..he wanted to RUN away...then he just CHANGED and suddenly began trying to act normal...then he PATTED my head which he did several times as if i was a dog..and he did it degradingly many times...and was rude and weird...what a low life??? how dare he??? the rest of the night wasn't very fun as during the concert he chatted with an old black man rather than me!! he was rude stupid...pathetic and tried hitting my leg several times...in the end well i dont want to talk about that but it was horrible...another jerk just trying to use me for his 'own' thing...i just wanted him to 'touch me' like massage lightly over my clothes...he tried to take his *** out and jerk off...sickly..weirdo creep..why i did that? i was desperate...im so desperate for human contact...if i feel remotely comfortable though its awkward hell i took a chance...and it was BAD...how weird...that a beautiful woman..who should be able to get any man has to be SCARED to ask an ugly weird white trash weirdo freak to touch her...how weird that IM not that picky to hang out with an ugly guy...but an UGLY guy runs away from me?? not just an ugly guy-- but a total jerk wtih no manners and a weirdo....how is this even reality???

i remember..a guy once had a ticket to universal studios...for a school thing...and he put an ad to ask a girl to come...he had an extra...i answered dont ask why and somehow we ended up talking...to go. really he wanted to go but i figured ok. again when i went to first meet him....you KNOW...he saw me and wanted to run...or reject me...i was expecting him to...but he didn't...he just was rude and asked me a weird questionnaire...to test my personality. its odd...im a really beautiful woman inside and out highly intelligent educated....funny smart cool adn this is the dating/social life i have to have...being rejected and mistreated by LOSERS and low lifes off the internet??? its crazy....this guy i hung out with a few times after and he was SO rude to me...we even went to a huge concert together and he was juts terrible..he insulted me many times...and was mean and even mean to my cats....why??? why would you do that to someone??? sick jerk??? why does EVERY male abuse me and even abuse my cats when im this kind positive sweet girl ..why would you ABUSE a kind positive nice girl??? what kind of sick creeps are these??? the last straw for me was when i rented django and he was over...and he said it was a GREAT movie and i voiced my opinion saying i thought it was really racist and he questioned my opinion as if i was strange..then said "youre crazy"...and was insulting about it..i said dont call me crazy b/c i have an opinion...i said to me people who think that movie is good are sick....anyhow we haven't talked since and im glad....he came over and literally even was rude to my cats...sick selfish jerk....and he was hoping to get laid i think. its weird...im a beautiful respectful kind girl and i get abused mistreated by sick weird males who also attempt to treat me as if im some kind of a free h*oker or something...or someone they can use in some way....in another life i'd be a princess or something...queen....that's what I am...someone who stands out..who's beautiful but also super cool and down to earth....i just don't get it....

then there are the dates who take me out to dinner and ditch me for the movie..ah yes they cant even go to a movie with me...they HAVE to put me down or insult me or just ditch me for no reason...as a male..would you go on a date with alyssa milano, britney spears (well maybe not her), jessica simpson, megan fox...and just ditch them??? ok bad examples but let's say any of these women were super nice and kind...and HOT would you ditch them??? well that's me....im as hot as any of these women and even hotter...and im also really nice too...im humble kind...im not stuck up arrogant...in fact im any of those women with the personality of someone like tina fey...or one of those...hi im trying to be nice to you and funny type sarcastic witty funny...and again bad example with tina fey but im personable funny friendly and i just get rejected ditched...by jerk males....then men complain that women are evil when most men reject the nicest women....the world is a sick place...
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