Please help. My daughter is in high school and she met a WONDERFUL boy a couple of years older than she.

This boy is brilliant, creative, polite, athletic, handsome, charismatic, high-energy, charming, and extremely accomplished. He could talk to us--her parents--about anything, with complete ease and polish.

From day one this boy was head over heels with daughter (16). For the first 10 days he would text her and call her day and night, more than she did him. They went out to dinner and/or movies and/or the beach and/or coffee houses every single day. He wanted to spend hours and hours with daughter but she had to tell him to slow down. He would tell daughter he wanted to take her on vacation with him, he wanted her to come visit him at college (he's going off to school in December), he wanted to be a couple, he was thrilled with her, he loved every single thing--her gestures, the way she talked, her nose ...on and on. He took her home to meet his parents and they all talked and made plans to go out to dinner together . He introduced her to his boss at work and his athletic coach. He spent the day with us at our summer home and we (parents) were thrilled with him, what a great person for our gifted, creative daughter. They were always laughing and smiling together, he was genuinely happy to be in her company.

On day 11 he called and texted daughter several times through the course of the day, saying he would be over at 5 to pick her up for dinner. This boy was always punctual. But at 3 he called to say his dad was ill and he had to take him to the ER, he would be in touch shortly. It was the boy's last day in town, he was going away for a 3-week trip and he wanted to have dinner with daughter and give her a present he had bought just for her.

7, 8, 9 o'clock rolls around, nothing. Daughter frantically texts and asks if everything is ok. No response. She's worried sick. The next day, no news from him. As a matter of fact, 5 days pass and no word. He hasn't even gone onto his myspace. On the 6th day he logs into his myspace, so daughter knows he is alive. There are pictures posted showing him at his vacation destination with his family. But no contact from him. Daughter is crushed.

It has been 2 weeks and D is hurt beyond belief. NOW daughter tells me that he had told her that he was in a depression and had made several suicide attempts in the past and he is taking meds for his depression because he has a "chemical imbalance." There is a history of this imbalance "in his family" he also said. Daughter said he had never confided this to any of his peers, nobody outside the family knew, but he felt he could trust her because she had shared some really private things with him about her own personal issues.

We are trying to figure out what has happened. Do these sound like bipolar symptoms? Daughter said there were a few strange things about him--little things that, in retrospect, didn't seem quite right--him talking about taking her with him on the family vacation on their 2nd date; him making plans for her to visit him in college on their 3rd date...he was constantly concerned about his appearance, looking in his car mirror every 5 minutes, lining up things in perfect order whenever he sat down (like at a coffee table, etc). He told her he is an insomniac and that is why he would text her at 2, 3, 4 in the morning, only to wake up at 10 and text her again. But daughter overlooked all this (and more little quirks) because he was so engaging and upbeat.

When this boy comes back to town (next week) we are concerned that he may try to contact daughter and start up with her again. We're afraid because we know daughter will jump at the chance to see him and the pattern will repeat itself, if he is, indeed, bipolar .

What do you think and how should we handle it?
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replied June 24th, 2008
I have to add, because it apears I can't edit--this boy has been in contact with a couple of his friends here in town because he has posted comments to them on his myspace since being on his trip.

The other very confusing thing is, that although he has not had any contact with daughter, when she did get onto his myspace page (a week or so into his trip) she asked him if she could be added as one of his "friends" and he approved it and added her as a friend. A very mixed message!
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replied June 24th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Teens can be very fickle too. Head over heals in love on day and on the prowl the next. We use to call it "Puppy Love". I would not be so fast to think Bipolar yet.
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replied June 25th, 2008
CarolDiane wrote:
Teens can be very fickle too. Head over heals in love on day and on the prowl the next. We use to call it "Puppy Love". I would not be so fast to think Bipolar yet.


Me neither. Whilst some of the signs are there, it may just be that he's simply messing her about, which is unfortunate, but something that teenagers do. Heck, people of all ages play games in relationships. Sometimes, there is a root cause like bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, but sometimes it's just on a whim.

All you can do for your lovely daughter now is comfort her as best you can. Spoil her a bit, giver her lots of cuddles and love, and share your experiences (positive and negative) with love so that she knows that all of us have been through this, in some form or another.
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