when I was seven, my mother started dating a guy, we'll call him "pat". For a while, pat was nice, he treated me as a member of the family. We moved in with him and my mother got pregnant. Soon after she had the baby and started going back to work, he changed. He began yelling and hitting me. It progressed from that to eccentric forms of punishment like making me write the same sentence 1-5 times a line, 28-36 lines a side, two sides a paper.... timed. If I didn't make the timer I would be hit and have to write another paper. He made me run laps in a field and squish mealworms on the cellar wall with my bare hands. He has always made us do labor, lots of it. He constantly belittles me and tries to control everything. I am told when, what, and how much I am allowed to eat, how long I am allowed to shower and use the bathroom, when and how long I am allowed to sleep. He doesn't allow me to go anywhere without a him or my mother (unless the rare occasions I am with my father), see friends or my boyfriend, do afterschool activities, see other family members without his permission, or pretty much anyone else that puts me out of his control. My mother is not allowed authority or money, and he treats as if she is a child. He makes her do chores and "grounds" her if she misbehaves. I have heard him force her to have sex or bargain money and things she would like to buy for sexual favors. He also insults her and our family and constantly makes her cry. My mother also has a lot of medical problems which he often blows off as nothing when she asks to seek medical care. he also makes me strip for him so he can "check" for rashes and other problems that I am not even sure if I have. He has touched my genitalia looking for "goop" that I supposedly have and checks for rashes and dry skin on my breasts that I once again have not noticed. I have often told him I didn't want him to do this and told him no to taking my clothes off or opening my legs so he can "check", but he yells at me and tells me I'm ridiculous and that I know he isn't trying to be a pervert but it still makes me uncomfortable. He won't take no for an answer though and I feel like my body isn't mine anymore because he has access to it whenever he wants beyond my control. I am 16 going on 17 by the way. all replies are welcome.
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replied April 28th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

When I read your post I had to smile as the story of your life was so reminiscent of the many tales I have heard about what it was like in a conscript army of the old days. Your "step father" clearly fancies himself as the sergeant major of his own private conscript army and equally clearly takes his self-appointed role very seriously.

It is difficult to guess whether he is a loony and is ready for the booby-hatch or just has some strange ideas; maybe he got those ideas during his own upbringing.

In some ways you will have a lot to thank him for as I expect you are physically quite fit and not overweight, I expect you aren't squeamish about creepy-crawlies and I expect you are quite a good time manager and haven't much "inconvenient" modesty left.
I expect you aren't afraid of hard work either...

Those are definite pluses but I believe the cost of having virtually a Victorian or Dickensian type childhood has been much too high. In those days children were none-people and the possessions of their parents or guardians to do with whatever they liked with no rights whatsoever. Growing up in the twenty-first century should be somewhat different and a child today has the right to suffer nothing worse than reasonable parental chastisement and today the Law has endowed every child with the right to have dignity and to have that dignity protected.

This sergeant major hasn't the right to make you strip for the medical officer's venereal disease parade or to check your body for lice or parasites and as he isn't your official guardian he has never had the right to do that and even if he was your guardian he shouldn't have been doing that since you reached the age of consent.
The venereal disease parade hasn't been a part of army life for around half a century.

Even if he married your mother he has no right to do those things unless he legally adopted you and every instance is at best indecent assault and probably is sexual assault. If you desired it you could have him arrested and charged. It doesn't matter if he didn't use force to make you do those things because just putting you under duress means it is still assault. Clearly evidence would be a problem unless your mother would provide corroborating testimony.

I advise you not to keep these things secret because secrecy gives him all the power. The more you tell people the more his power over you will decline. I advise you to take control of your own body and flatly refuse to undress for him and challenge him to use force and see how he likes a night in the police cells for his trouble.

Other parents and guardians don't behave like that. I mourn for your lost childhood and I hope you aren't too emotionally damaged by your experiences. In due course I hope you can focus on the pluses of your strange upbringing and find some humour to disarm the rest.

Please come back again if you wish to discuss things further.
Good luck!
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replied April 29th, 2014
please speak with someone...an adult at school or your doctor. He has no right treating you that way and I pray you find the courage and strength to leave. do you have family you can do stay with. tell them whats been happening.
You have every right to live free from harm.
Please go seek help. there is professionals who are trained to help you through this.
god bless you
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