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should I have a threesome with my friend

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I have been having sex with this guy for 7 months he has a girl friend and she knows about me. They have an open relationship. He is into doing a lot of things sexually that I don't do. i've tried some of the things he wanted me to. Know he wants me to have sex with him and his friend. He keeps telling me that he just wants to show me new things. When I told him no he told me that it would be my lost because he new his girl would do it. She has done this in the past with him with girls and boys. i'm starting to have feelings for him and don't want to loose him. However I also don't want to lose my self respect. Do anyone have any suggestions for me.
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replied September 20th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I'd suggest you never have a threesome with someone you have a sincere emotional investment in. A threesome poses a significant risk of ending a relationship. It doesn't matter how sexually experienced you are or how strongly you feel for someone. You cannot anticipate how sex with a third party will make you feel.
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replied September 20th, 2009
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Thanks for your incite it is greatly appreciated. I've known him all my life and his twin sister has been my best friends for over 20 years. I'm really concidering ending this thing we have because I'm getting attached. I don't want to get my feelings hurt. He says says he is not real sure how he feels for me since I get mad at him every other week. I do but, its usually out of frustation of not knowing where I stand with him. He tells me sometimes that he has always loved me but, he still has a girl friend. I'm scared that if I do these things he asks of me I will regret them later
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replied September 20th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
If he's in an open relationship I imagine it's his intention to keep his girlfriend. It sounds like you don't have the stomach for that. Before you break things off have a sit-down with him and get his side of how things are supposed to play out between you both.
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replied September 21st, 2009
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I've tried that with him and he says I have nothing to worry about when it comes to her but, I'm the one spending most of the time alone and he doesn't even spend the night anymore because she complained about it when I dropped him off a few months ago. I thought I could do this but, I'm not used to this. He said I need to give him more time to get himself together before he jumps into a real relationship. I don't know how much more of being number two I can take.He keeps telling me he would never do anything to hurt me but, he don't realize he already is. When I'm laying in bed alone I keep stop thinking about him being beside her.
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replied September 21st, 2009
I have little experience with something like this but I just wanted to give my opinion. this is coming from being in a very serious relationship for almost a year now.
I've dealt with being away from the person I love. he lives in a completely different country. We've spent a lot of time together, but we've also spent a lot of time apart, and it's been extreamly difficult for both of us.
I'm not an expert in love, and I'm not saying he doesn't have feelings for you, but
I feel like he won't be able to give you the love and attention that you want from him. If his feelings were as strong for you was yours are for him, he would have left his girlfriend already and spent every night with you, because when you are really in love, every hour away from that person you love is like you're not even living.
also, if he is in a open relationship, it doesn't seem like he's ready for settling down into something serious quite yet. it might be better to simply seperate yourself from him and not prolong the hurting.
it might seem hard now because you've fallen for him, but believe me, when you find someone that sees only you and loves you completely, you won't even remember this guys name
and also, you should NEVER do something sexually that you are not comfortable with, especially if he is pressuring you to do it. You WILL regret it later, no matter what he says.
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replied September 27th, 2009
I had a threesome with my husband and his friend when we were newly married, it seemed exciting and sexy at the time, but now 12 years later it is still haunting me, and it is the one thing in my life I regret. My husband and I have a great relationship, but when we get into the bedroom is all goes wrong, he plagues me to do it again and wants to talk about it all the time while having sex, It has now got to the point that I don't want to go up to bed with my husband. These things seem okay at the time, but trust me you will regret it.
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replied September 29th, 2009
My hbusband and I had a threesome twice before MFM and MFF. Yes it was scary thinking about it and at the same time it was exciting thinking about it. after a while of talking and planning we finally tried it with a friend who we were both comfortable with but not really close with. What i mean by that is we didn't want to do it with someone who we were going to be running into alot. My husband and I are truly in love with eachother. We both enjoy our sex life and just wanted to try something new. For us it was FUN! It actually made our own sex better. My advice to you would be that if you're going to have a threesome, make sure you two are in love so that the threesome is for the two of you to enjoy together. If you don't feel this guy has strong feelings for you and is only out to have sex with you and this other girl of his, then if you're strong enough to handle it, maybe you can turn the tables on him and have the threesome and walk away, leaving him guessing? Just something to think about. who knows, you might like it? I did Wink Michelle
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replied October 5th, 2009
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We tried the threesome after all it was different. It's not something I want to try again and he agreed to never ask me to do it again. He said it didn't feel right to him either. Since then we have moved in together. I didn't expect that to happen since he was in a open relationship and I want all or nothing.
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replied October 19th, 2009
A quick word on this. Polyamorous relationships are not synonymous with threeway encounters, nor do they guarantee the success of threeway encounters. If they succeed, they do so for different reasons. That being said, it's certainly true that polyamory and threesomes both demand the highest levels of communication and honesty. However, be very sure you understand your desires and your intentions. I'm doing a little guesswork here, but it sounds as though you consider a threesome to be a "necessary evil" required to vouchsafe your relationship. In my own experience, these sorts of "sacrifices" (as you call them) inevitably end in conflict and resentment. But my experience is not necessarily transferable. So perhaps you might consider asking yourself the following questions...

Why do you want to have a threesome with this person? What feelings "come up" for you, when you visualize sharing your partner with another person? Are your feelings intense? Where (in your body) do you feel them most profoundly? Are they feelings of fear? If so, what is the object of that fear? Are they feelings of disgust, or general anxiety? In the context of the threeway encounter -- by which I mean, when you and your partner are actually engaged in threeway sex -- what are you most worried about? And why does that worry you?

My point is that, in asking these sort of feeling-oriented questions, you provide yourself with the relevant information to make an informed decision. I assure you, none of these people are able to give you advice. Your friends can't give you advice. I can't give you advice. You'll have to pose your own questions, and really follow through on them. It's hard to be truly reflective, I know. But if this is something you really care about, then somewhere down the line it will be unavoidable.
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replied October 23rd, 2009
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I don't remember saying that having a threesome was for the success of my relationship. Maybe you should actual read what is written before forming an opinion on the subject. When a person is asking for advice, at least me, they are not asking for someone to tell them what to do. They are merely asking for others opinion on a subject. Maybe you should be the one doing soul searching instead of giving advice. Especially because you didn't even understand what you were giving advice on. If you would have read my last post you would have known I had already made my decision on the matter.
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replied October 23rd, 2009
I'd like to begin by way of a peace offering. My intention was not to make you feel judged or condescended. It seems I have, so I apologize for that. I suppose that my point was a more general one. I was merely attempting to give an inventory of the sort of questions I ask myself, as my partner and I continue to pursue three-way encounters with others. But you're quite right, I should not be quick to give others advice. My experience may not be transferable to another persons' experience. Also, I'm sorry to hear your threesome didn't work out. Had I have read the later postings, I would have known about that.
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replied October 23rd, 2009
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Threesomes happen when there is something big missing in a relationship...Seeing we are so closely bonded, I have a hard time comprehending this act either with or without marriage...If something is missing in your relationship that truly pushes you to seriously engage in this thought of sexual lust, than you have a serious problem...To me it's kind of coming down to the animal life and embracing it...Just not my style...Take care...

Caroline
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replied October 24th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
What if what is missing from your relationship is a third partner?
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replied October 26th, 2009
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I felt gross afterwards but, that's me. I hear other people talk about their experiences and it has worked out for them. Maybe in the future I will try it again who knows although it will not be anytime soon. I will not even conceder having a threesome with another girl. I don't want to see him with another girl and I definetly don't want one touching me. But, that's just me.
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