Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Should I contact my ex who could be bipolar (Page 1)

Hi

My ex partner of 6 years (friends for 4 before) was recently sectioned and diagnosed with bipolar. My partner always had a 'lively' personality but I did not see this coming. We lived together and were happy 90% of the time. My partner decided he did not want to be in a relationship and had a 'few things to do' before he could committ.

I think my ex still loves me but does not want to put me through anymore upset. I miss him a lot and really want to make a go of our relationship. He was my best friend and we knew each other inside out. We have not spoken for a few weeks now and I don't know whether I should contact him or not.
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First Helper MrsCyphers
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replied August 27th, 2011
Experienced User
I think you should let it be at the moment, they need their space. He will be back,i promise you, they do.
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replied August 29th, 2011
Thanks Reggiane, I am not sure he will be back, we had to give up our flat and move back home, I am not sure he will want to try again.
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replied August 29th, 2011
Experienced User
If he is typical BP he WILL try again even if you gave up the Windsor Castle.
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Users who thank Reggiane for this post: echo333 

replied August 29th, 2011
Do you have lots of experience re Bipolar?
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replied August 29th, 2011
Experienced User
My esx is Bp and I had 2 years of pain, rejection, loving again, disappearing acts, drama, sudden angers, non contact, phone calls in the middle of the night wanting me, shagging around, saying one thing and doing other, incapacity for loving, confusing love and sex, saying the most horrendous hurtful things, behaving extremely odd, breaking up with me for nothings and coming back so many times,going after another women, coming back to me again, behaving highly sexual in words and mechanical without feelings in bed, etc, etc. etc.I have also studied the whole thing, wrote three notebooks with quotes from this forum and other places, compared them and saw that there is a lot of things in common with bp people everywhere. I have now finished with my bf and I think it is for good this time.He is shagging around yet again.
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replied September 1st, 2011
I so feel your pain, Reggiane. I have 3 full journals of his nasty texts. Thinking of writing a book. Ended AGAIN last night. This time he didn't like my fb picture! Sad
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replied August 29th, 2011
Sorry to hear your story. My partner hasn't been playing around. He said he can't committ which sounds familiar in bipolar. I think he loves me but I remind him of 2 much stuff which has gone on and I think he will want 2 find someone who knows nothing and he can have a fresh start with although we have such a special connection
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replied August 29th, 2011
Experienced User
Yes, they cant commit. Mine cannot either. Read the stories in this forum and youll find lots of similarities. They cant commit,they cant be faithfull, they cant control temper, they switch love off, they shagg around, they disappear for weeks, they come back again, they break up dozens of times for no reason.They dont know what they want. You go in an emotional see saw and one day you want to get off.
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replied August 30th, 2011
We were together for 6 years without having a break. We had a couple of arguements, he has dissapeared for a few hours but we haven't broken up before for weeks on end. I really want to make sure he is ok but also do want to put too much pressure on him when he has asked for space. I don't know whether to accept it is over for fight for him. He told me his feelings had changed and can't committ but this does seem quite common on here. Should I fight or let go?
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replied August 30th, 2011
We were together for 6 years without having a break. We had a couple of arguements, he has dissapeared for a few hours but we haven't broken up before for weeks on end. I really want to make sure he is ok but also do want to put too much pressure on him when he has asked for space. I don't know whether to accept it is over for fight for him. He told me his feelings had changed and can't committ but this does seem quite common on here. Should I fight or let go?
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replied August 30th, 2011
Experienced User
Stella
Their feelings DO change, but they DO change back. They live for the feeling of the day. He must be cycling if he is bP. If h is BP he needs medication and some sort of psychological help, he will only do it again and again. They are unpredicable. My ex used to love me,treat me like a princess in the beginning, he changed beyond belief, came back, changed again, AND NOW IS COMPLETELY GONE, not even a note or a phone call to say he is alive. I worry but i let him be, they need that space. Yours will be back, if he is BP, so will mine, but could take some time.
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replied August 30th, 2011
Thanks for the advice, I have only just recently experienced this and had no idea he may be bipolar before now. I guess because he has an ex girlfriend he has not gone back to it makes me wonder whether he will come back to me but this is the longest relationship he has had and means more to him than the last one. He was my best friend and like any relationship when it ends you miss them but when someone is unwell, eg bipolar you dont know what is the relationship and what is bipolar. I hope we will talk again soon but for now I guess I have to leave him as I would only want him to come back if he wanted to.
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replied September 1st, 2011
What did your family think to your relationship?
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replied September 2nd, 2011
Hi, his behavior most likely will not change as he has an illness. The question is, can you handle the roller coaster? If he's truly "into you" he will call. Don't settle and reopen the wound again only to be rejected again unless you are wiling to risk it happening again.

It's ok to have empathy toward bipolar illness but it is an illness to be taken seriously.

Best wishes.
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replied September 2nd, 2011
I saw him recently and he looked well. We chatted and it was really nice. He mentioned going for a drink and catch up but i don't know what to do
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replied September 4th, 2011
Hi Stella think again I have experienced this too because I couldnt cope after 14 yrs together I divorced him nothing happened still the same addicted to me calling me texting how much love me but nothing changed same attitude same unpredicable behaviour empty promisses his psychiatrist said to me you are no 1 and your child he maybe never be well I feel sorry for him but nothing else
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replied September 6th, 2011
We met up, but he said he still felt the same and couldn't commit right now. It hurt seeing him as I still love him. He wants some space to think but I don't know whether to just accept it is the end? He text me the next day and we met up again, he said he wasn't sure what to do and didn't want to hurt me again, I have left him to think about it.
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replied April 7th, 2012
Stella I wish I'd found this post before I've been through identical with my boyfriend of 8 years suddenly dating needed space and couldn't commit. We were best friends he didn't cheat but definitely has something mentally unstable going on. I font know if he's diagnosed bp now but I think. He must be. Did you split for good? My ex came back but left again and said he didn't want me to be with someone as screwed up as him Snd to find happiness elsewhere. It is still devastating nearly a year on but I have finally realized it's not me but him and I'd be in for a rough ride if I let him
Back in my life. Hope you're ok.
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replied April 7th, 2012
Thanks for the reply, we are together at the mo, he is really loving and said he is sorry, im just worried I cant forget what happened even though I love him
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replied April 7th, 2012
Ahh that's good that he came back but I understand what you're saying. I half
Hope
My ex would all say it had all been a big mistake but another half thinks I deserve better than to take him back. How old are you? Has he demonstrated that he will cOmmit. Really hope things work out for both of us.
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replied May 17th, 2012
I am going through a VERY similar situation with a friend of mine who is BP. It's a long story and I will post again with more details, but I don't want to give up on my friend. He was actually more than a friend for 4 months and I think that he was in a manic phase...he has now changed and is in a depressed phase. He was texting me 18 hours a day and then it went to nothing....I'm having a very hard time understanding his behavoir, so reading here helps.

Lori
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replied May 17th, 2012
I really am curious, if I give him his space if I'll hear from him again. I think I will, but I have no experience with bp at all and so am just learning..
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replied May 19th, 2012
I wouldn't contact him and immediately jump into "lets be together" but being bp myself I can tell you it never hurts to have friends. Casual phone call couldn't hurt as long as you're prepared for what may lye ahead. BP isn't easy to deal with especially if you want to be close to him again. if he pushes, give him space.. NEVER push too hard to connect.
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Users who thank MrsCyphers for this post: lost_jules 

replied May 20th, 2012
Hello MrsCyphers,
Unfortunately, i didn't pay attention when my boyfriend told me he was bp and i found this forum a little too late. What does it happen if i already push too hard to contact? What should i do now? Thanks!
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replied May 20th, 2012
well its tough to give advise about a person I don't know. Have you asked him what he wants or thinks he needs right now?It maybe generic to say but space could be your best bet and don't listen to things like people with BP cannot commit that's bull, I'm married, and know many people who have been in your situation and made it work. Things like these take time and a lot of understanding because if you are in a relationship with someone who has BP you're not just committing to a person, you're committing to being their support as well....it takes a toll. However you decide to handle your relationship, do so gently and always be prepared for the worst because with or without meds, he can have mood swings and say things he may not mean.
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replied May 20th, 2012
Hello MrsCyphers,
Unfortunately, i didn't pay attention when my boyfriend told me he was bp and i found this forum a little too late. What does it happen if i already push too hard to contact? What should i do now? Thanks!
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