Medical Questions > Womens Health > Womens Chat Forum

Sexually Inexperienced at 31

Must Read
The loss of bladder control affects about 17 million people in the U.S. But what is incontinence? How does female incontinence occur? ...
Incontinence can be caused by mechanical, anatomic or medical issues. But what are these? And who is at risk of developing bladder problems?...
Urinary incontinence symptoms range from mild to severe. Learn to identify signs of bladder control problems and know when to seek help here....
I'm a 31 year old woman who lost her virginity just 3 days ago...The reason why I was a virgin for so long was because up until 2 years ago I was VERY religious and wanted to wait until marriage. Now I have ditched religion all together as I no longer believe in it.

The guy I had sex with was just a random hot younger guy I met at a club, I was pretty drunk, but do not regret having sex at all as that was my goal. It hurt a lot of course and I'm pretty sure he was expecting me to be more experienced, being older. I want to get as much sexual experience as possible in the next few years. I'm a good looking chick with a hot body and can easily pick up in a club, but I am just worried about the actual sex part. I don't want to wait until I'm in a relationship as that might be a while.

I guess my main worry is that guys are gonna be expecting me to be more experienced....(Although I do look young for my age, I could pass as being 25/26)....Should I just be more honest with them and tell them the truth? Would that turn the guy off? Especially if it's just gonna be a one night stand? I want opinions from guys... If you met a girl in a club who told you she was in a situation like mine... Would that turn you off? Or would you be willing to teach her a few things? Would you prefer her to honest with you about it?

And I would like opinions from girls that have been in a similiar situation.....What do you advise?

Also I have an older male friend who is very experienced sexially who has offered to be my booty call whenever I like. I think this would be PERFECT as he knows my situation and we could practise. And we're both only interested in sex.... The only problem is that he slept with my best friend 2 months ago (just once)...and I asked her if she minds if I sleep with him and she said that yes it would make her feel because of that I'm reluctant to do it, as I definately don't want to ruin our friendship.....

Last thing I don't want advice from any judgemental people.......I know what I want and it's my decision....Just helpful advice please Smile
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper tinkerbell27

User Profile
replied February 17th, 2010
I was a little younger than you my first time, tinkerbell27, but I can relate to your problem. I had sex for the first time when I was twenty- five. Like you, I was saving myself for marriage for religious reasons. After kissing a lot of frogs, I gave up on my search for Prince Charming and decided to have a little fun for a change. Here is what I experienced:
Things did not work out with the guy who took my virginity. He was not a good lover and I did not learn anything from him in the short time we were together. I was nervous about being with someone else because I was so inexperienced. I told the guy up front that I had very little experience but he did not believe me. Then when, naturally, I was not the best in bed, we were both disappointed. So expect that 1- no one will believe you and 2- you will probably not have good sex until you can find a good and patient lover that will teach you the ropes. You may luck out and find someone who believes you and is turned on by the fact that you have only been with one man but that was not my experience.
For the sake of your friendship, I suggest that you stay away from the older guy. Since you are just having sex for fun, you might want to find another friend with benefits to practice with. With a lot of hits and misses I managed to figure out how to be a decent lover and finally get something out of it.
I do not suggest having a series of one night stands, though. I went that route and, predicatably, had varying results. If I met a guy who was good in bed and willing to teach me anything, it was just a one or two time thing. If the opposite was the case, I was left feeling sexually frustrated. In my case, until I had more experience under my belt and figured out what I needed and what would make me feel best, it was a very frustrating experience.
Finally, I will not tell you whether you should or should not be promiscuous, I will simply say that I regret many of the things I did. It was not nearly as fun as I thought it would be and I put myself in a lot of unsafe situations because I was rebelling against God, my parents, my strict upbringing, everyone's expectations of me... The thing is, all that rebelling against other people and things was only affecting and hurting ME. So you may want to take that into consideration.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 17th, 2010
Especially eHealthy

I suppose congratulations is in order for finally taking the big step, so congratulations!!

I was a little bit younger than you when I lost my virginity, but not by much.

First off I hope you protected yourself. Having drunk sex is not the safest thing to do and STDs are rampant in that generation of men and woman. Especially if he was picking you up in a bar and having sex just a few hours later, you have to wonder what other women he did that with and how many other partners those women were with. There is a saying that when you have sex with a person, you have a direct STD connection to all their partners and their partners partners and their partners. So PLEASE be careful. For preventing pregnancy, condoms do have a failure rate that is not negligible (especially when drunk). So the safest will be to get onto hormonal birth control (pill or ring or IUD) AND use condoms – or at least get yourself a pack of Plan B and keep it handy for when something bad happens.

Most of the men you will want to be with (not one night stands) will most likely be caring and more than willing to teach you everything you want to know. Many men will however not believe you.

As deteragram suggested, you can always get a 'friend with benefits' from your circle of friends. Such a man will probably be much more understanding and you will not be subjected to things you do not feel comfortable with yet. Having sex with a man will however change your relationship with the man, it does not matter how detached and 'sex only' you think it will be. It is a pity that your friend is not more understanding. If she does not have an ongoing sexual or romantic relationship with this man, she does not really have anything to say about him.

You can also educate yourself by reading books like:

* The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pleasing Your Man
* Sex For Dummies
* The Sex Bible: The Complete Guide to Sexual Love
* Oral Sex He'll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away
* The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, Third Edition
* The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

These books can be found on Amazon or other online stores, if you do not want to hunt them down in your local book store or library. They are also extremely cheap.

Best of luck and remember SAFETY FIRST.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 18th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
The bulk of my education came from reading but nothing replaces sex with multiple partners for understanding the variety and many perspectives of sexual activity. Many people who have loved me have taught me a great deal about sex but none of them more than I have learned from the contrast between my lovers. If you're inclined to fool around for a while, by all means do so. The benifits to you as someone who has fallen behind in study would be considderable. Be safe and be educated to risks of sexual activity. Never assume you know all about 'that stuff'. I've been sexually active almost longer than you've been breathing and I'm still discoverring new things about the things I thought I understood back in highschool.

As for how to approach men for higher learning, I wouldn't open with how experienced you are. That's just bad advertising. Certainly bring up that you haven't had much sex and are eager to learn at some point between drinks and bed, but don't feel that you have anything you have to explain or justify. You've simply decided to experience sex later in life than others. Men that can't handle this really aren't going to teach you much about sex and also aren't going to make great long-term partners for you.
Best of luck.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 20th, 2010
@ susan862003

Thanks I have ordered 2 of those books Smile

Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 3rd, 2010
inexperienced lover
Can anyone help. My 55 year old lover has only had about four partners and is woefully inexperienced. He has no clue about how to make sure I'm satisfied and is simply unaware of the whole process. I'm getting frustrated and resentful because he doesn't learn from example. Unfortunately he has some health issues and has to take cialis. I don't know whether it's the cialis or other medication which makes him so unaware sexually, but there's a whole strata of our relationship here which is simply missing. No fun jokes about sex, no banter, any reference is simply ignored. I didn't know him before the health problems so I've nothing to compare it with, but if this is how he's always been I can understand why his two marriages failed and a subsequent girlfriend dumped him after the first weekend. He is not a selfish person but I'm beginning to feel he's definitely selfish in bed. There's no foreplay, no afterplay, no questions about whether it was ok for me and if not, a desire to do something about it. Can anyone advise me on what to do? In every other respect our relationship is perfect but this is a huge elephant in the room at the moment.
Did you find this post helpful?