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Serious dysfunctional family issues, controlling, alcoholic etc.

I just need to vent I need someone to just listen. So tired of speaking and no one listening or careing. Right now I feel no one understands. It's a long story that goes back alot of years but you need to know the whole thing to understand. The chaos and dysfunction This has been going on since I was a small child. I remember my mom drunk out of her mind screaming and yelling and what my dad called "the black hat" she would pick one of us blame all problem on that child ( i was the oldest i took most of it) and throw things like plates and such. Sometime we would find her passed out in pool of her own vomit naked in the living room. We were " home schooled" isolated no friends. Didint have much for clothes, i remember eating dry pancake mix thats all we had my mom would take off for days showing dogs. All I had was my dad and my dog. I learned at a young age to disable vehicles so my mom wouldent drive drunk and kill herself like she often threatened to do. We couldent see our grand parents she told us how they were child molesters and thiefs. Growing up this way has taken its toll. I don't have many people friends but do have alot of animals on a farm that are my friends because I don't relate to people well. I think its from all those years and my dog being my best friend now fast forward a few years I did meet a wonderful man a lone wolf himself like me. We had a little boy. Then was pregnant again with my 2nd son. my sister is half crazy she had a demo derby car she abondened the property owner junked it she accused me of selling it and pocketing the money.knocked me down while pregnant beating the hell out of me and sicking a pit bull mix me not once but twice. all while i tried to protect my toddler and my unborn child. i managed to stagger to my car in awful shape stoped at a gas station to get water to clear the blood from my throat someone saw me and called an ambulance. my family belived my sister. the cops said they couldent do anything without ticketing me too becsuse my sister claimed i started it. well time went on i had a healthy baby who my mom HATED. She called him thing and it. Would not allow the child on the same side of the house as her. She took it so far as to give him a broken toy for christmas( littlerly smashed with a hammer!). During this time my parents divorced but lived together Then my grandfather passed away. My husband and I were getting married.she thought it was stupid for us to get married. The night before we were to marry she went on a drunken fit demanded I don't marry him punched me in the face broke my glasses. Kept punching me in the face in a headlock. I called the police she tried to say it was my fault and get a restraining order on me.( it was denied I was not at fault.) I wrote my mom off at this point haven't spoke to her in years and she has never met my little girl. But my dad I still spoke to. I did not dare go over there. i do not get along at all with my brother and sister. My brother, sister and her friends that were living at the house with my dad had trashed it. garbage, feces feral cats and rats that bred out of control everywhere. The septic backed Into the basement there were dogs living in it. A freezer full of animals that died there under her care was unplugged in the basement. The rooms so full of trash you couldent enter them starving goats and a horse that was skin and bones in the back yard. The black mold started my dads mental health was gone and physically in a short time frame had gotten very frail I thought he was going to die. Then a anonymous tip was given they raided the place it made the headlines in the paper the worst they had ever seen. Of course I got Blamed for turning it in but that doesent matter. You would think most people would be ashamed of the condition of everything no my family was just mad at me they got caught. Well I still talk to my dad my grand mother has helped us alot financially. We have had some bad luck our home burned, my husband has gone through job after job with this economy plus a back injury and a injury to his eye that left him vision impared he can't get treated we have no health insurance. But with all the help financially it seems like my dad wants me to fail. What I do is all I know what gets me is he will for example help pay a tow bill but refuse to help buy the car part even if its cheaper then the bill. He makes no attempt to get to know his grand kids they don't know him no birthday cards nothing. My sister her boyfriend and her children live with him and destroy pictures I send before be can see them. Sad thing is she works in healthcare as a cna with the disabled and elderly even with her history of violent behavior and animal abuse. My mom went on to be a security guard who stole from the very place she was supposed to be protecting that the last I heard of anything of her it was on the news and everything.it seems like he finds joy in my suffering I don't know why I still talk to him. My husband says to not contact them anymore but I'm stuck as I do need help time to time with small bills I can't pay plus I love my dad. All this has left me all messed up inside just once I would love for my dad to say what a good job or ask about the kids but it will never happen. Am I crazy?
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replied August 30th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
No you aren't crazy; just suffering from that old human condition of "hope over experience"...

You probably also believe blood is thicker than water.

Other than to suggest trying not to have bills you can't pay by trying to budget carefully and perhaps by trying to earn a little extra I haven't any suggestions.

Saying "well done" to you would be something a normal and well-adjusted person would do; something your dad almost certainly isn't considering he probably had more to put up with than you and for longer.

I think you should cease contact as soon as you can. You need to put yourself first and be the best mother you can be to your own kids and having your head messed up by staying in touch won't help you do that.

Good luck!
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