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So on Monday I tried to commit suicide again. No matter how I think and how I try to change I can't stop my thoughts from winning my over, Of course my "friend" (we broke up about a month ago, but I keep referring to her as my girlfriend) saved my life by making me throw up all the Nyquil and pills I had swallowed, I am so greatful that she didn't call the police on me again this time. So later on that same day I vowed to her and myself that I will focus on nothing other than school and learning to love myself, so we stopped by the library and I checked out a self-help book and so far I have been engulfed in it, realizing a lot and not even giving my mind a chance to take over anymore. I haven't yet loved myself but my "friend" says that if she can love me for who I am and with all her heart than I should be able to do the same for myself. I am trying to leave my past behind me and start anew, like a phoenix. I am trying to keep the mindset that I have a new life and can live it the right way like I always wanted to this time. Everything in the past I am trying to forget about. I hated to see what I had done to her on Monday, She had a breakdown right along with me, screaming and running away from me because of everything I was doing and how it affected her, but that will be no more. I love her with everything that I have and she deserves the best and that's how I will treat her. I can prove to her that she is my everything, my angel, my blessing.... everything I do I will keep her in mind, including trying to love myself as I love her. She says she doesn't know if we can ever be together again, because of everything that I have done, but she wants nothing more than to have me in her life and I will be ever so greatful for that, and she even says who knows in the future when I get better maybe we can start again, but right now she needs to focus on her own life. We are still all lovey dovey all the time, and I'm trying to pull away because I don't think that's want she wants from me but she starts it and hugs and kisses on me, so I'm just enoying the time we have together. I will cherish every moment we share, and I believe our love will prevail.
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First Helper Natasha1968
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replied June 8th, 2011
Experienced User
hi, it is good that you have made a dision not to try and commit suiside again, this is an inportant step.

you need to consider why you have acted in this way and what is trighring it. you may find it helpfull to talk it through with a councler posibly at where you are studung. also if you feel that way again call a helpline (in the uk samaritans is open 24/7 to receve such calls) these can be a real help over the accute crises.

you may find self harm suport groups or websights can help you to share your feelings freely.

also feel free to pm me, i will lissen and hopfuly point you in the dection of help.
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Users who thank Brightandsparkling for this post: Jasmyn 

replied June 12th, 2011
Hi I have used self help books - they are good but when you are depressed your mind struggles to remember what you have just read. You need someone to help you overcome your depression such as a counsellor. Please go to your doctor - he / she will refer you to a counsellor. Regarding your self harm - this is part of your depression - your need for self harm will go as soon as you start to get better. Surround yourself with positive people and be selfish regarding what you want - not what others want from you. All the best, positive thinking xx
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Users who thank Natasha1968 for this post: Jasmyn 
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