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Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder

I am diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder however I think that I might have Schizophrenia. Even though most people who have Bipolar say this, I don't think I even have the Bipolar side. The hypomanic swings I had were in college and I think they were just attributed to having to stay awake for projects in school. I haven't had a swing like that since. I just have depression now.

I have terrible hallucinations. I hear things, smell things, feel things and see things. Usually when I do it's quite frightening. Currently I am staying at my parents house after an episode at my apartment. I actually let out a blood curtling scream. I wonder what my neighbors thought.

As far as delusions go I use to have them a while ago. I thought that I was dead in 'this dimension' and that I had to kill myself here in order to be alive in the 'real dimension.' If I didn't take my medicine I know I'd be back there.

I usually feel like someone is watching me. I have a difficult time getting dressed and undressed because of that for obvious reasons.

I keep a journal however if I let myself think about it too much I'll feel like someone can read it while I'm writing in it. So I'll start writing in 'code.'

Anyways, those are some of the things that I do or have done.

What do you think I have?
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replied April 17th, 2010
my obessive thoughts and repetition to family
I was severely abused as child by my insane fahter as my mom and older siblings.
My mom did leave my dad when I was 8 but so much damage had been done. IN my young age through age 45 for the simplest reasons I would erupted into to extreme violence and I even seriously hurt people. Like at age five i bit a classmates finger to the bone over a doll...one that resembled the one my insane father told me he murdered and threw in the woods at age 4. At age 6 I recalled what I now think was voices saying I must kill a baby to protect my baby brother in the clinic but when I jumped up suddenly to strike the young baby my mom grabbed me. At age 13 while in the school cafeteria for no apparent reason I picked up a small wooden chair and broke in over the math teachers head and hurt her so bad she had to go to the hospital I have had a great deal of trauma in my life, rape by my father repeadly before five, rape and conecieved a child ofwhich raised well, raped by a season police detective that my family knew and by sodemized by a mental health counselor and all of these rapes when unpunished because No one would believe me due to being derange since childhood. I have always had a obessive thinking problem and then if I get someone to start listening they soon tired of me due to my serious repeatitve nature. I 'll just keept talking about it night or day. call a realtive





























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replied April 17th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Satine
Schizoaffective disorder is more complex than schizophrenia minus Bipolar disorder, and the treatment and drugs aren't dissimilar for either disorder. If you're unconfident with your diagnoses get evaluated by a second doctor. If there is confirmation in the diagnosis accept it. given what you're going through it's very important to accept confirmed evidence.

Either way continue your medicine and stay in treatment. If you feel that your medication isn't working talk to your doctor about it. With Schizoaffective disorder your doctor is your lifeline. If you let go and start self-diagnosing it's very easy to get swept away into your own little world.
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replied July 29th, 2010
So there are people studying spirituality and mental health - and the intersection that differentiates schizophrenia from Spiritual emergence and ability.
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