Good morning all,
My name is Per. I am 31, my girlfriend (now ex as of 1/11) is turning 30 March 7th. We have been together for 6 mo, lived together for 4.5 of that. I met this woman and day one sparks flew. We knew we were it. Even in my dark times, I took time away from a job that tried to frame me and send me to jail and during the unemployed 1st-2nd month I opened my own business and started working hard on it. During this time she decided we should stop using condoms and she loved me so much we should have a baby and we already were planning marriage.

Well we are 12-13 weeks now on the pregnancy and she has informed me she wants to give me back the ring. She has been thinking for 3 weeks that we aren't working. Says ive changed and she isn't happy with herself. To top it off she doesn't think she ever really loved me. Also she wants a go getter that is going to support her.

After talking to 50-60 people I have gotten 90% "Its just hormones, give her space and she will come back to you." I would be glad to attribute this to that but this is my family... this is the hardest thing ive ever gone through. Ive almost killed myself 3-4 times and feel constantly empty... cant eat... cant sleep more than 2hrs or so at a time.

Here is what I went through after truly reflecting on our conversation:

She needs a man that is going to be stable, supportive, a partner and pick up where she cant and not have to nag or even mention something needs to be done, it just needs to be talked out.

I talked with her yesterday more about it and shes stone faced, unemotional and wont accept the ring. The unemotional part is what gets me. I told her I heard her, I hear what she deserved and am that man. I was going through a stress, buying out a business partner, taking a new job, getting my daily drive back... she just didn't take what I was doing. She wanted the job before the business start up... she wanted to never have to tell me "go unclog the shower" after 2-3 days of standing in a small puddle from a slow drain.

I also went through the last 3 months of text conversation in detail.

here were my notes that I wanted to touch on for her:

Start of - im so sorry for how I reacted / hurt / shocked / floored
I was selfish in doing that
I hear you - points you made
You aren’t happy with yourself, snappy, mean spirited, upset
You don’t see us 5 years down the road
Feelings changed
Need to get back to yourself without me around
Chores need to be done, not told to do
Dad said you felt I was dishonest
What I felt:
I was doing things and thought you understood so much was on my mind
I was waiting on you to tell me and was reactive, not proactive
How I want to help the situation
You are my world, and the baby is ours… I want to be with both of you and provide the support you need in all ways.
I started to try by cleaning and making sure you came home to a nice clean house as a surprise… it shouldn’t be a surprise cause I wont let it sit like that (if given the opportunity to try) again
We should never have stopped dating - we collectively became complacent in a short time with holidays and everything else, stress, etc
YOU are the priority, not the shop, not work, YOU. And though I have said that, you may not feel that way. That’s my fault.
You feeling snappy could be changes and not happy but all the blame that is on me, I accept and will do my best to correct… babe I live for the smile on your face…
The comment you said with you don’t see us together in 5 years, Monday we were talking about forever… not prompted by me.
I went through the past 3 months and reread every text conversation we have had. Recapped all the things we went through… from the medical test, to the need to get a job thing, to my insecurity from that, to being so happy we couldn’t stand it…
Dec 1 “I love you very much.” Working through the medical stuff…
Dec 9th after the worst night of our relationship - I was up and fixed what was wrong
Dec 10th said you would never just bring up that you would just get rid of me….
“You know how I feel… that hasn’t changed.”
“just relax” when reffering to stress and being slacky due to it
“everything is about Lori going forward”
Same day asked to spend the night cuddling
Ended in I love yous
Dec 11th excited over baby
Dec 15 employed and love all around, you were so excited
Dec 17 after date night
Good moringings love all around and “it was worth it” referring to staying up and going on the date… we were gelling and doing great!
Dec 17th later
“Its just the horomones” when talking about how kissing changed… I brought it up and just noticed it went from hugs and deep kisses to pecks… you attributed all of it just to feeling bad.
Said second trimester the libido comes back and we would be more physical… you still loved me here babe…
Dec 18th - from me “we are good babe, you spending the night away wonty hurt me, I think? Ive fixed all our issues and start (work) tom”
You: “ok. And yes we are fixed. Sorry I wont be there to wish you luck”
Me: just take care of yourself baby
Dec 19 - you”hey babe just seeing how your first day is going”
Referring to time away due to job “But I want my family too…” you: “and we are here.”
Dec 19ths scheduled next date night
Dec 20th - dog issues
Dec 21st - you were just cleaning but one worded me
Dec 22 - bad day at work
Dec 22 - I made dogs a priority great convo all day
Holdays were lovey dovey - you said yes to the ring… babe you loved me… it shows
Dec 26 - moringn and I love yous
We decided on baby crib and style of the bedding 28th
Dec 29 love yous
Dec 29 miss yous
Unpropted love yous and kiss faces through the day
Jan 1 ”we are good” from you… hung out and cuddled at your brothers and had a good time
Jan 3rd “Morning babe” - brithhday dinner night… all around good
Jan 3rd “Ok. Thanks babe. You are kinda awesome, you know that?”
Jane 3rd - “IU love you to death, gotta treat my princess like she should be treated”
Jan 4th - changed tire - love yous, you introduced me around… etc
Jan 4 - I had anger issues at work… lasted for a few days… but to you “I love you to pieces.” “Love you too”
Jan 5 “cut the grass” “its no big deal”
I said its not ok if you gotta text me at 6am on the first day off I have since the last one. Promised to get it done and did. Weed eater died. Planned already to do flea stuff on dogs, took care of that that night.
I also explained my moms in town, stuff kinda stops for her… hadn’t seen her in a long time
I love yous later that day
Picked up dog food for dean and thinking ahead
Love yous all the way around
Missed you and miss you too
Movie and cudde night jan 6th where you wanted to do globes instead
MONDAY - we go to see our baby for the first time, you decide to go to Disney on my birthday, say youre going to be back early and then spend the night, Tuesday you go to Disney and don’t talk to me.
My note to you
Look - I know you probably mean nothing by this all. Or maybe just want space… I have no way of knowing because you wont talk to me about it. Pregnancy hasn’t been easy and I want to be there for you and understand as best I can all the changes and hormone issues you face daily. But im on edge, uneasy and it feels wrong. You made a joke about avoiding my last attempt to get any kind of reassurance from you and went from that to I don’t see you for two days and you chose to go away on my birthday. I don’t know what to think and your lack of communication is making me crazy. Please help me out here. Just know you aren’t alone and I kinda feel that way. I want my old Krystle back.

I am scared for my life (shes my life and my family)... Please help me!
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