Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Sad, Alone, and willing to die

Hello, I will keep my name hidden but at this point I could care less about myself. I came to the persona of a blackrose awaiting death to set me free from all the pain and sorrow. I would never say I had a good life but I thank God for the things that I did have, I never was really a happy child growing up, I think it was because my parents split up and never really showed that kind of love. I could see the destruction between my brother and sister hence why they ran away and never looked back. I always thought that it was my fault that everyone split up and that I could never be loved by anyone so I just smiled. No matter what happened in my life I would just smile. Good thing, bad things, death in the family whatever the world throws at me, just smile. Everyone I met would say I have a nice smile or I'm always happy and I think that if they only knew that behind my smile is everything they'll never understand. Several years later I kept up that same personal, never expressing my emotions, keeping to myself and just smiling, I guess you could say my tank is full. Since then I have been blaming myself for everything, and I mean everything, I live in a sorry state of mind, I don't expect anything out of life but to suffer and die, I like to watch other people live their lives and be happy it kind of amazes me sometimes but I don't wish or hope anymore. I lucky enough to be working and have a roof over my head but those are the highlights of my life. I don't plan on getting married or even having kids, or anything of that matter. All I think about is dying and expecting bad things to happen to me. I don't get excited for anything, I don't have any friends, I haven't celebrated my birthday in years, my own family didn't even call me, give me a cake, even a hug. It seems pathetic to have a life like mine. I don't want to be popular or have many friends, I would settle for one friend, even if I have to call them and do all the work. I wish I would die, I'm sure people would be sad but I'm a forgettable person. I feel I would be doing the world a favor because people die everyday and no one seems to care. Even though I have no friends I would so give up my life for anyone. I would literally take my heart out and give it to someone in need if they asked me without hesistation. My sad lonely life has to come to and end and I look forward to that more that anything in the world. Maybe holding in my feelings for so many years has destroyed me but who am I kidding, life is unfair, no need for me to complain because complaining solves nothing, I don't think it hurts to go through it but it hurts more to just accept it and let it slowly destroy you. I don't expect any pity from anyone, or someone to say hang in there, maybe this could help someone who holds their feelings in and not express themselves to know that holding it in will destroy you, and there sheds another rose petal from my life. . . .
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replied October 30th, 2013
I am sorry you feel this way. I could be your friend..
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replied November 1st, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
It is true people die every day and it is also true few people care. It is too great a task for everyone to care about everyone but most people have someone who would regret the loss of someone; be it a neighbour, a shopkeeper, a friend or a lover.

Most of those who die have not died in vain but have accomplished something even if it is only to have sired a child or made someone a better person simply by being there.
The plot of the film "Its a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart is not as far-fetched as it might at first seem. Not one person on this planet of ours has the first idea of the effect they have on our world simply by being here.

It is good you thank God for what you do have. It is clear you have some faith or at least God was in your education. Everyone knows suicide is an insult to the creator and so too is wishing for death.
It is the duty of everyone to live the natural term of their lives and not to waste the gift of life and to do that by making the best of things...

Hiding your true feelings is not only unwise it is also lying to yourself and those around you. It is never too late to change; old dogs can learn new tricks!
Not only can people not avoid politics for ever, they shouldn't. Politics is everywhere and in everything. If someone has an opinion about anything it is politics and people find great relief and amusement and benefit from complaining bitterly and airing their views and opinions.

It is surely time you joined the human race and aired some of your own politics?

I advise you to get a copy of the Desiderata and read it daily and to believe it - more wisdom in one short verse you wouldn't find anywhere.

It is time for you to look inside yourself and to change what you can and learn to be content with what you cannot change.

Every person on this planet is a potential friend you haven't yet met but before you can expect anyone to give of themselves you must first give of yourself and be prepared to be rejected without becoming discouraged. Someone will like you if you can return that liking.

Please return here if you need more.
Good luck!
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