Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

running out of support tactics for my bipolar boyfriend

So my boyfriend has been diagnosised with by bipolar last year we use to live together but we don't anymore because when he had his first mild manic episode he wanted to live back with his parents because he was freaked out and this never happen to him before and he didnt know what to do.and his parents are emotionally abusive and I think thats why he had an episode the first time but I wasnt for sure until this seconde time just recently he had another. Manic episode this april the same as last year.

So he is un-medicated because of his emotional abusive parents and now he's not getting any better he was hospitalized for 4 days and he hasn't did any follow up appointments because his parents are so negative about it and there just like he's just stuck that way.no matter how postive and supportive I am to him there two times more negative and he listens to them because he's not in his right mind and I don't think its fair at all what else can I do to help him I already talk to his mom and told her what we should do to help him but she does the opposite and then make it seem like she can't do anything. What to do now. I'm totally getting drained and want to give up but if I do I know the love of my life will be gone forever his parents are setting him up for failure it seems like they like to see him suffer and he doesn't even get it.
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First Helper HelenJoan
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replied June 12th, 2013
That sounds really hard and I appreciate your desire to help and support your partner, BUT you cannot control the situation. He is unwell, but ultimately has made a decision to be with his parents. I suggest you detatch emotionally a little for your own peace of mind, let him know you're there if he needs you and accept that he has the right to make his own decision. If it doesn't work out there I have no doubt he will come back to you and then you will be in a better position to offer him your advise. You may be in danger of polarising yourself and his parents which won't help anyone in the long run as he seems to wish to maintain a relationship with them. I know it's hard when you love someone....but you have to let go a little.
Just my opinion! Take care of yourself Smile
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replied June 12th, 2013
That sounds really hard and I appreciate your desire to help and support your partner, BUT you cannot control the situation. He is unwell, but ultimately has made a decision to be with his parents. I suggest you detatch emotionally a little for your own peace of mind, let him know you're there if he needs you and accept that he has the right to make his own decision. If it doesn't work out there I have no doubt he will come back to you and then you will be in a better position to offer him your advise. You may be in danger of polarising yourself and his parents which won't help anyone in the long run as he seems to wish to maintain a relationship with them. I know it's hard when you love someone....but you have to let go a little.
Just my opinion! Take care of yourself Smile
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replied June 12th, 2013
Sorry it posted twice my pc is really playing up :/ also to clarify I know you're still a couple. I am just trying to get across that you can offer your honest thoughts and feelings, but you cannot 'make' anyone do something and you may actually create a new problem if you push too hard. You also need to take care of yourself here! Smile
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replied June 12th, 2013
Yes I know what you mean and i have been taking my steps to just letting it go and letting him figure it out on his own but its hard at the same time but I'm getting through it.thank you so much for your opinion.
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replied June 13th, 2013
Maybe try this - every time you feel like doing something to help him and for him (which is kind and loving of you of course) do something for yourself also. That may give you an indication of the balance in the relationship ...I am a fine one to talk mind you Wink I don't do that but I keep trying!!
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