I have a fairly intense issues that I need some more opinions on and some advice. I'm honestly so confused and depressed all the time I'm starting to have trouble dealing with it all.

First off I've had depression for 5 years, I'm currently 20 years old this started when I was 16, It's been a fairly rough few years. I currently live with my mother, and I've moved out twice in the last 4 years. My mother has lots of current medical problems and it's made things hard for us. She has had diabetes for 40 years, Depression for 20 years, 6 years ago she had 2 heart attacks and 3 years ago had a stroke. We always had problems with money, and I can't say I made things easier. I have been on benefits for over 2 years now trying to get better from my depression and get enough Determination to get better. So I don't make much money..

About 4 years ago my mother met someone whom which seemed to be a nice guy at first, they started dating after a while. Then we found out his ugly side, he started becoming verbably abusive and then that's when it got bad, he then would start physically abusing my mother. I did not know this at first, I found this out a bit later because of this verbal abuse he was causing her I got sick of dealing with it and moved in with my boyfriend at the time, I was 17. In that time lapse I did try to call the cops on many occasions, but my mother was always too kind hearted to press charges or get a restraining order, she still talks and see him to this day.

When I lived with my now ex boyfriend he had this friend he wanted me to meet, we instantly became friends, we had the same interests and hobbies, not to mention after a few months he moved in with my ex and I (this friend is now my current boyfriend and the father of my unborn child, we have been together now for a year and 9 months). The reason that I am now with him is of course I felt a connection with him,(this is where things turned ugly..) and he also was there for me to stop my ex boyfriend from abusing me.. physically, he stopped it many times before the fights got ugly. He is also the one who told me that my ex boyfriend also cheated on me in the first 5 months of our relationship. Near the end of my ex and my relationship he started getting severly violent. He tried strangling me on many occasions and also held me down and gave me a black eye. It was getting so severe that I finally decided to tell my parents with the help of my current boyfriend who was still my best friend at the time. My parents were both very upset I never told them but within days they got me out of my ex's place. It was really hard to cut contact with him, he was one of those guys that just didn't want to let go.. but now finally I haven't spoken or seen him in over 6 months now.

Though here is the bad part that is currently hurting my current situation... I started living with my mother again, and of course that mean't seeing that man abuse my mother again. On top of that, when my ex and I broke up I started dating my now current boyfriend. My current boyfriend didn't have it so easy himself, he had to move in with his older brother cause he no longer himself could live with my ex since he hated him so much for what he seen done to me, he disowned my ex as a friend and instead took me as his friend. Now my current boyfriend was living with his brother, his brother is into hard drugs (Crystal Meth), which he also got my current boyfriend into. I hated seeing it.. so I asked my mother if he could come move in with us, I told her the situation and she agreed. I took him out of there and got him off the crystal meth. We were happier for awhile until.. our money started running out. I never worked before and my current boyfriend never had a job at the time, and things were getting harder. My mom started turning too her abusive friend (Now not boyfriend, she smartened up a little) for some help. Now, this man wanted to make it as hard as possible for us, he hated me for being my mothers daughter and being closer to her then he ever could be, since he himself abandoned his own son and thinks others should suffer as he does. After awhile my mother and I got into a lot of fights because of money, it got to the point where I needed to get out again.

We then moved in with my current boyfriends mother, I will make this part short cause we only lived there for a few months. His mother started dating my current boyfriends father again, whom is into hard drugs also, but this time it is crack. Luckily my boyfriend didn't get into that since I was there to watch him. His father became verbally abusive and his mother never took his side in anything. After a couple of months my boyfriends father left for the second time in my boyfriends life, and in turn he also took the rent money with him to buy his drugs. We then had to move once again..

Now I am currently back living with my mother and my boyfriend. I'm currently 6 months pregnant.. this wasn't planned, I messed up and didn't wear protection. Many people have told me to get an abortion but in my eyes abortion is murder and I will never in this life time kill another human being. Things are still horrible for money and luckily my boyfriend is starting to get things together a little. He now has a job and his current pay will being going up in the next month and so will his hours. We are currently looking for affordable housing and we plan to raise our little girl. Mind you... my mother is very depressed all the time, and I'm trying to get things done as fast as I can but I don't think it will ever be fast enough for her. She reminds me everyday that we never have enough money and I'm trying my hardest to get things done, but she keeps bringing me down as I'm trying to get enough determination to fix things.

I honestly don't know what to do... I won't self harm. I used to do that for years but I refuse to do that now that I have a little girl I need to look after soon. I really need some more opinions on my situation and what I should do.

There is way more detail to my story then this but I don't think there would be anyone with enough patience to read it all, this is long enough as is.

Please don't leave hateful comments I'm seriously trying to fix things..
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replied January 12th, 2013
First cut off all contacts with your abusive friends, both yours and your mom's, it's extremely unhealthy and it disgust me more than reading doing crack part. Second, stay away from drug and anyone who does it (even it's your relatives for your own sake and your baby girl, get a clue, seriously). Third, try to find a steady job in a healthy environment. Then maybe move to a better neighborhood
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replied January 12th, 2013
Well my ex is no longer in contact with me, and about the crack part that is no longer in the issue. My boyfriends father was the one doing it and he left quite a few months ago, I'm not the one doing the crack, or any type of drugs.. I'm not that stupid and irresponsible. My mother's abusive friend is still in the picture and that's exactly why I do want to move.
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