I tend to have resentments. I've a series of resentments in my life, but they have all disappeared after a number of years, with one resentment lasting twenty years. I have just one current resentment regarding my sister's behavior.
Here's the situation: First of all, I'd say my immediate family has always been pretty uninvolved in my life. My parents had a restaurant and worked long hours. I think because of this, my mother thought I had an easy life. I had a troubled childhood and young adulthood, had no friends, was put in special education school, etc. When I got out of a halfway house and was obviously unhappy, my mother said that I'm probably like this because my life has been too easy, that I've always gotten what I wanted (whatever that means, I don't know). My parents never taught me a thing, not about money, nor did they mention or encourage me to get a job, nor did they take me to the library, but I was fed and sheltered and we'd go out to eat or shopping. Unlike my mother, I don't think my life is easy just because I never had to work, for I've been considered "disabled" on disability income. Like I said, I think my family is pretty uninvolved which leads to such misunderstanding.
It doesn't bother me so much that my immediate family is uninvolved per se, however; what bothers me is that the lack of involvements leads them to say or think stupid things because they don't know any better.
So here's why I'm resentment towards my sister now: I moved to Phoenix from California 10 years ago with my soulmate who passed on 3 years ago. First of all, before my sister even met my significant other, she said "He has nothing to offer you." Why? She never even met him. And I didn't even say much of anything. I might have mentioned that we're both in vocational rehabilitation and that's where I met him, but if that's why she said he has nothing to offer me, wouldn't she be insulting me too?
Second, when we moved to Phoenix, we moved into my soulmate/significant other's brother's home. A couple of months later I moved to an apartment. A month after that, my soulmate moved into the apartment also. Around that time, I called my sister. "You let him in?!" she said in a scathing voice. Mind you, my sister doesn't know a thing about my soulmate. When I would call her about once a year (nobody ever called me, though my sister criticized me for not calling the family more often), she never asked what I was doing nor asked a single question about my soulmate in an attempt to learn more about him. So of course she was clueless about how close we were (and still are spiritually). When I recently asked why my sister why she said "You let him in?!", she said she thought my significant other carelessly dumped me and that my brother thought the same thing, and "Ask him." So that means that, even though my sister never asked me any questions about my soulmate or our relationship or what I was doing, my brother and sister were talking about my soulmate behind our backs without our being present, which is unfair, considering that they were making assumptions and really didn't know anything. In the same way that my brother and sister were talking with each other and making things up about my soulmate, they don't talk or involve me when they opened their pizza business. That's the family dynamics.
Both my brother and sister weren't at all involved in trying to get to know my soulmate, which made them both insensitive and clueless. In fact, when my soulmate went to heaven, my brother said "Did he have anything contagious?" That's completely all he said. So I come from a "caring" and uninvolved family. It may seem as if "caring" and "uninvolved" are opposites but they're not necessarily.
My sister said she was being "protective." I say she was being negative and unsupportive. First of all, if she made any attempt to get to know my soulmate, she would realize she didn't need to "protect" me from him, fearing he was trying to take advantage of me in some way. I say she was being unsupportive because she never asked me a single question about my soulmate or us as a couple. In order to be "protective", it helps to be involved. In the same way, I know my brother was being concerned about me when he asked "Did he have anything contagious?" after my soulmate went to heaven, but that doesn't make the comment any less insensitive.
Bottom line: Uninvolved, unsupportive but "caring" and "protective" brother and sister. Such ironies. Even now if I were to mention my soulmate, I get nothing but silence from my brother and sister. No questions, no comments. I don't understand why they treat my soulmate as a total stranger. Even after he left me with life insurance money, they had nothing nice to say. I know my soulmate will be with me again when I cross the rainbow bridge, however, and I can't wait.
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First Helper verne01
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replied September 3rd, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Hello Poosh,

To cut a long post to the bone I have to say your trouble is trying to rationalise the behaviour or attitudes of others, especially your family, doesn't often work and is mostly a complete waste of effort...

You are letting them and even encouraging them to mess with your head and forcing you to concentrate on so much negativity - your mind must be like a hamster on a wheel just going around in circles: this can result in mental exhaustion and imaginings!

If you cannot accept the attitudes of others without trying to rationalise or modify them by argument you should avoid contact with them because you are clearly hurt by such thoughtless and insesitive comments and dwell upon them for a damaging time.

You need to concentrate on the positive things and look to your future - hopefully a future without too many idiots and a little love.
Try and fill your days with something interesting and creative in order to dilute or put out of your mind such damaging negativity.

There is a short verse that contains much wisdom and has given strength to countless thousands who have felt isolated and alone and in a minority - it is called the Desiderataa nd you should have no trouble finding a copy.

Please do not be in too much of a hurry to cross the rainbow because Fate or Karma might have other plans for someone who is not only very sensitive but can communicate the fact so very well.

Good luck!
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replied September 4th, 2012
Thanks very much. Your reply is comforting and sensible. You also sound spiritual, which is something I relate with. You sound like an oracle, in fact. You ought to write an advice column.lol
Yes, it's hard for me to forgive and forget things because I am rather sensitive by nature, but I do have things to fill my days with that are interesting and creative, as you suggest. I just need to diminish my distractions.
I have spoken to a medium and communicated with my soulmate as well as spiritual guide on the other side, and I am meant to use my creative abilities to contribute something useful to others. In other words, my time on earth is not yet all spent yet; whether I fulfill my destiny, however, is all up to me. Each of us have been given gifts; I know what mine is and the spirit guide agrees with my aspiration, but it's up to me to be responsible.
I'm not in a hurry to cross the rainbow, but I do look forward to it!
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