Hi! I have schizo affective disorder supposedly. I love the Lord, I have learned to pick up the Bible again but it used to be that every time I picked up the Word of God I was somehow being told through the words on those pages to be a celibate so I stopped reading. But numbers and license plates continued to tell me the same and it was how the Lord reached out to me in this dimension because He couldn't get past the thoughts in my restless mind.. Or so I've always thought. I like my habits, I feel lonely and deprived of communication with the Creator I love without them. I think constantly about things pertaining to the Word of God even though I mean only to be close to Him, and loving Him and knowing He wants us to have a sound mind, I've tried not to obsess. But then I end up obsessing about not obsessing. It's pretty much an endless cycle of OCD thoughts and emotions. They run deep - my heart is (almost) wholly devoted to the Lord, but everyday is an epic battle of remaining in the world and trying to balance out the needs of the flesh with the needs of the spirit, and trying to feed the spirit most and first. I end up almost dysfunctional, and I'm so sure that's not God's intentions. He wants us to be in the world but not of the world, and every minute I'm trying to figure out how to do that, but I can see my every flaw and failure, and rate how bad each one is, and feel horrible accordingly. It's awful to feel out of sorts with the Lord all the time. Last night I woke from a dream with a phenomenal song playing in my head and I got up (around 3 am) and dedicated it to the Lord, and for the first time in a while I picked up the keyboard I love, played and sang my heart out whilst recording, and then cried for how much I still love making music after all this time but haven't done it hardly a bit, and out of thanks to the Lord for renewing this love in the dead of night when I can relax enough to focus and make miracles on the keys and with my voice. Has the enemy targeted me?
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replied November 18th, 2016
Nobody is out to get you. Go to the doctors and talk to them about this.

Take care and don't over complicate things for yourself. You are only human
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replied January 8th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
I would like to recommend you psychotherapy as they would help reduce your symptoms. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist if you’re not already seeing one so you could be started on treatment like medications or counselling sessions as per you need.

I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Best regards
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