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Relationships and Depression

I'm a introvert with depression, but whenever I'm with my one or two very close friends or at Friday night services at my synogogue i'm able to relax, but anywhere else I don't talk and just slack off during school. I'm on the high school soccer team, but it just makes my symptoms worse. I tried finding a hobby but even when sticking with it for months and months to years I just become frustrated , and abandon it and go on to another thing and that just goes to hell. The only thing that honestly brings me joy is listening to jazz/funk music. People often mistake my satiric, sarcastic personality as confidence. but its not. I'm not bad looking, people (not my parents) tell me i'm alright looking. I believe I look good, but any girl that gets to close to me (Which have only been 2) i'll eventually become attracted to them (typically the reason I keep around. Hello introvert), and I'll just lose my mind. I won't stop thinking about them, and after two massively bad failed attempts on two different occasions they still run circles in my mind that just drive me deeper into my depression. It's been sometime since those days and one of the girls (fellow Jew) might have a interest in me, but I dont think even if I got her as a girlfriend i'd be able to emotionally and physically support them. Most recently that hasn't happened in past years is i'm up all night, but napping all the time during the day. I'm a junior in High school still to give you in idea.
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replied March 29th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy

I don't know any Jewish people but the popular image of them can't be purely accidental - the men are permanently cynical pessimistic worriers and the women permanently tolerant of their men and optimistic.

Teenagers are often just like you - stuck in the middle between childhood and manhood with mixed up emotions. It is old mother nature who is to blame as during puberty she rewires the brain and sometimes it is a painful process that can take up to four years and sometimes a little longer.
Some teens sail through it and hardly know a thing about it and one day just begin thinking like adults. Others fill up with very powerful feelings about things that are real enough except usually there is little reason to have them. To make matters worse no one understands you because it seems no adult can remember what being in your position feels like.

Attempting to divert yourself with hobbies is good but teen years isn't about sticking at things but about trying new things to discover what suits you. Spending a month at the judo club and deciding it isn't for you is ok. After you have tried woodwork, cycle racing or studying insects you can go back to any previous interest at any time in the future knowing something about it...
Considering you like music perhaps you should try making your own music by learning to play an instrument?

Another thing about teen years is when you almost have the capabilities of men physically you tend to begin to have the desires and needs of men but have no knowledge or experience of how to get them. Girls of a similar age are two or three years more mature and they run rings around you and they probably make you feel awkward and even stupid as well as frustrated.
If this is something like how you feel then you are quite normal. It does pass and get better. Those wild emotions calm down and you gain knowledge and experience and there will be lots of character-building highs and lows to come.

Being introverted isn't a bad thing at all unless it is a reaction against how you are feeling and how you feel others perceive and judge you. If that is the case and you aren't exactly an introvert by nature then your mind is probably like a hamster on an exercise wheel going around furiously on a journey to nowhere. In spite of all your thinking you just go around in circles and reach no conclusions or if you do those conclusions will be wrong because you have insufficient data...

When mental exhaustion begins to set in depression usually follows. You need to break your circular thought patterns to end the cycle and begin to feel better. Currently you probably see life as a war or a battle and feel you are losing. You should try and see your life instead as a series of battles with fresh ones to be fought daily; win or lose. There is more to be learned from a lost battle but at the end of each day it is good to be ahead on points. When the battle is over draw a line under it and rest ready for the next one!

The big question is who is the master? Do you control your mind or is your mind controlling you? Currently your mind seems to be in charge...

Sleep is very important. You are developing bad sleep habits that are going to be difficult to change and are causing you damage. You need to take charge and do everything you can to try and correct this problem. Avoid caffeine and make sure you are properly hydrated with clear still liquids. Eat the right things at the right time and take protein and salad for your evening meal. Camomile tea as a bedtime drink would be good and a little exercise before you turn in. A pharmacist or herbalist can suggest natural aids to relaxation.

When you lay down to sleep try laying on the opposite side to normal and think about the events of the day, filing each one away in turn and then when you have dismissed each and every one in your mind turn over. If sleep doesn't come then set yourself a problem of designing a hydro-electric power station or a spaceship or something equally unlikely using your mind's eye. If that fails try taking something to bed that is complex and tactile and attempt to see it with your fingers...

Finally I suggest you find a copy of the Desiderata. There is more wisdom and reassurance in that one short verse than anywhere.

Please come back if you need more...
Good luck!
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